Wednesday 19 May 2010

Up early?

Look at the flipping time. I've got a busy day today. Fiona and I are having a 'ladies who lunch' day out at Bakewell. And, we are both very excited! (We don't get out much). But that's not why I'm up now. No, I'm up now because my frickin' hormones are dancing the fandango - complete with latin music and I just woke up with a large surge of heat, and the bedding being a bit damp. Before you laugh at my predicament - please don't...because if you're a woman - you'll be suffering it all yourself at some point and because if you're a man - you'll be suffering it yourself at some point (unless you live alone - in which case you'll be suffering from 'my belly has grown and I can no longer see my penis')......come to think of it - if you live with a woman you'll be suffering both.

I was discussing the very same problem with Nicola on the 'phone last night and perhaps speaking about it has precipitated the onslaught of the dreaded 'night sweats'. Well - I wish it wasn't happening - and I wish I was 19 again, and I wish George Clooney was mine (note to George - if you do pop over - bring towels), and I wish I'd won the £80 million on the Euro draw, and I wish my teeth didn't sing in the wind, and I wish that my handbag wasn't full of tissues and mints, and I wish the'One Show' didn't exist, and I wish that Christmas wasn't just 29 weeks away (!), and I wish that I was going to the Caribbean for my holidays, and I wish that I had no wrinkles, I wish that therapy was a) cheaper and b) worked, and I wish that the dating website thing was working and I wish that making a website was easy and I wish that ironing magically did itself, and I wish that some people weren't poor or sick or unhappy, and I wish for all kinds of things.......but most of all I wish that I wasn't teetering on the brink of 'The Change'.

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