Thursday 30 April 2009

Trick Cycling

Because we live in Oxfordshire and the rumour is that it's flat (all those students on bicycles can't be wrong?) this morning I went and bought a new pushbike.....and because Posselq insisted I had to get a helmet too (now I look like somebody with severe learning difficulties - wobbling all over the road with a daft plastic crash hat on). The theory behind this is that bike-riding is something we can do together - Posselq has been riding mountain bikes for years - doing all that mad off road stuff - that was until him and bike became seriously separated in Portugal last year and he had to be sent home with a bad spinal injury...laying on a board and everything. Anyway - he still rides his bike but just on the roads nowadays.

I got my new bike home and have just been to the stables on it - and guess what? This part of Oxfordshire is not as flat as it would at first appear. When you are driving your big girl's truck to and from the stables you simply don't notice the incline that goes on and on and on. However - when it's my little legs that are propelling me homeward - take it from me - you notice the incline then. I managed to get all the way to the "Welcome to Mollington - Twinned with Stepford" sign and then had to get off and push!!! 

I am very proud of my new bike - at present it's very shiny. It also has loads of gears - but I have no clue what to do with them yet. And in case you're wondering - yes - I look like a complete dick with the daft hat on, and yes - my legs have gone all trembly!!!

Wednesday 29 April 2009

Day two - NO fags round here

Okay - okay - okay. Mood score is about 3 out of ten. Patience is running at about a 4 - cravings standing at about a 12 (and that's out of ten!). Hunger pangs are doing a good 7 to 8 and I have a headache. This is full day two of not smoking (yawn yawn). Later I have to brave Tesco for the ingredients for tonight's Spag Bol (pensioners and mums with toddlers - sorry Victoria! - need to keep away - well away from my trolley whilst I'm in there or they are likely to get rammed!) , and then a nip to the dry cleaners and the cobblers to take Posselq's things for cleaning and repairing (that would be suit and shoes then? - Einstein?).

Dog has learnt (in less than 48 hours) to walk the other way when she sees me coming - and oh yes - I've just stubbed my bl**dy toe. 

I think I'll go back to bed.

Grumpy Grumpy Grumpy Grumpy Grumpy Grumpy

Tuesday 28 April 2009

Here we go again

Yesterday I went to the Surgery (getting a bit regular isn't it?) to do my 'Welcome Health Check' with Janet - the Surgery nurse. It was Big J who washed out my lugholes a couple of weeks ago - so me and Big J are like that X.

Anyway I told her about my struggles with the in-vain attempts to quit smoking - and she's put me on a programme........I've got a binder and everything.

I admit to feeling very ashamed when I told her about how many times I have tried and failed to quit, and the silly lengths I have gone to to 'hide' my ridiculous addiction from Posselq (who is showing admirable patience and - apparently knows all my secret stash hiding places!...regularly removes my baccy, and there was me thinking I was losing the plot because I can never find anything to smoke!!!!...."I'm sure I left it there yesterday?????" ).

According to Big J I have nothing to feel bad about - as most people who want to quit try and fail at least half a dozen times before finally succeeding.

Last night I lit the fire in the living room - went and got all my tobacco stashes and burnt them. the chimney now has a cough;) we go again........


A few problems -(or shall we call them challenges?) - mainly to do with the tenants (free-loading dosser scum) who rent my house out in Sheffield. They haven't paid the rent now for two months - which is very annoying and quite frankly putting me under some financial pressure. To say that I want to go and physically turf them out into the street - belongings and all - would be putting it mildly - but alas - the law protects hapless victims of wankiness and protects them in their 'home' (my house) so that the poor diddums don't end up homeless with nowhere to sleep. (I'm sounding a bit annoyed - and forgetful - as I was in that position myself a number of years ago - mind you I went and camped with my Mother - I didn't stay living in somebody else's house RENT FREE). Apparently they are 'popping' into the rental agent's office this morning with the rent in cash - but they've been promising this since friday - and next month's rent is due in 2 days.

I'm not holding my breath.


Only accept criticism when you are certain that it is valid - and it's about your actions rather than your personal worth.

This is most important when the critical words come from within.

Monday 27 April 2009


Today at my Piano lesson with Martin (Posselq calls him 'Martian') I had an "A-ha" moment. It's all to do with Maths you see. There is a mathematical relationship between all the notes and harmonies and chords. Once I got all became much easier. Maths I can do, Logic in numbers I can do......making my fingers stretch a full octave is a whole other issue however.....

How annoying!

When Dan had her car accident a couple of weeks ago - the man who she crashed into readily admitted it was entirely his fault. He turned right out of a filter lane as she was travelling along the main road - straight into her path. It was outside an MOD base and the whole thing was captured on CCTV. The Police attended - watched the CCTV - interviewed the other driver - and everybody agreed (including the soldier on duty) that it was entirely his fault and she was completely blameless. No speeding - no fannying about - no nothing.

Imagine my bloody annoyance today to discover that the scrotey pillock has told his insurance company that it was her fault, and now she is having to provide statements etc to dispute his claim. 

What a twat. What a complete and utter twat. (and faggot, and arsehole, and knobhead, and dickface, and anything else insulting that I can come up with)...not to mention pretty damn stupid as it's all on CCTV.

I hope his dick drops off.

Sunday 26 April 2009


Yesterday we went to Covent Garden to see 'Stomp'. Basically it's over two hours of people dancing and making loads of noise with dustbins and other things that are noisy. It was very good - I would recommend it. It's so noisy in fact that I managed to fall asleep :)


We all have them don't we? Daft things that we do that are peculiar to just us. Posselq's is making a really funny (very loud) noise when he sneezes. It sounds like a cross between the death-throes of a hyperactive elephant and a trumpet - or maybe an oboe...hmm not sure. I really wish you could post sounds on here because I would record him and then let you all listen. 

I don't know what my idiosyncrasies are - I've just asked Posselq and he says he can't think of anything - I think he's just being nice - because I bet I've got loads but they're all too awful to mention:)

Thursday 23 April 2009

3 Years

I have just checked back and discovered that I have been blogging on here for three whole years. In that 36 months I have scribed 856 posts about random nonsense. I've always had plenty to say. Long may it continue x

Motivational words

Being a very good and highly trained Domestic Goddess I accidentally burned the ironing board cover. It could have been worse - I could have burned a Posselq shirt!!!! Anyway Posselq ordered me a new one off t'internet and yesterday it arrived. I unpacked it and have this morning - after a little fight, which I won - managed to fit it to the ironing board. My - how things have changed. My new ironing board cover is a lovely shade of light blue - it has elasticated edges for a snug fit - but more - much more than is printed with words. Not just any old words - Oh NO - my ironing board cover is printed with MOTIVATIONAL PHRASES !! I can hardly believe it - I am so lucky!!!! Amongst the things printed thereon are....."Remember the breeze", "Feel the sunshine" and the best one yet....."Happy times are here to stay". I am sure that Posselq didn't order this particular ironing board cover on purpose - because he knows that if he did I would kill him - slowly and and in a very painful manner.

To say I am gob-smacked would be an understatement. No wonder so many housewives are on bloody Prozac.

I would personally like to meet the designer of this ironing board cover and smack him (very very very hard)  in the nose with the ironing board. (I say 'him' because you absolutely know it was a man) (and I bet he's divorced!) What kind of twisted warped mind would think of putting such drivel on a BLOODY IRONING BOARD COVER - were they on crack cocaine? Is it some kind of cruel joke? Were they deranged and bitter because their wife had recently left them for an ironing board salesman from Rhyl? What is going on here? Is it a conspiracy?  Did somebody (no doubt a holder of a "Marketing Degree") think that this kind of thing would actually make a difference and actually cheer up hordes of pre, post and mid-menopausal women.....I mean - come on.

If I designed ironing board covers they would have nude full length pictures of George Clooney or Ashton Kutcher on them....or - if it had to be words - it would be every swear word and profanity known to man!

For crying out LOUD!!!

Tuesday 21 April 2009

BGT - Love it x

Following on from the last post - I have spent the last half hour watching BGT videos on Youtube. This is brilliant and this is really good too. I hope you enjoy them. 

Britains's Got talent

I haven't watched 'Britain's Got Talent' this year - but have just read about Susan Boyle in today's paper. I went to you tube to watch the clip of her singing and am now crying. I have never been so moved. She is fantastic. Watch it here. Fab Fab Fab xx

PS. Simon's comments at 5.34 are hilarious!!!

Monday 20 April 2009

Busy Busy Busy

I didn't realise when I became a domestic goddess that there would actually be some work involved. I've been up since 7am and haven't stopped yet. Ironing you see. Posselq has loads of shirts and he likes to wear them all. Also bedding - as we've had visitors. Loads of tidying up to do and cleaning, not to mention 5 dinners to cook this week as Posselq is home EVERY night this week. Shopping, cooking, cleaning, ironing....blah blah blah......My brother is coming down on Wednesday for dinner too. Can't stop - must get on.......(not a drop of gin in sight....sigh!)

Sunday 19 April 2009

Behaviour myths

When I was young (so many years ago.......) my parents used to tell me things that weren't true. Father Christmas, the tooth fairy, the bogey man, eat your greens or you won't grow up big and strong.....etc - all things cleverly designed to make children behave - veiled threats and promises with consequences and rewards. Clever stuff. Some 'behaviour myths' (as we shall call them) get carried on into adulthood - and adulthood brings more  behaviour myths that are more suited to the more grown up activities.

It was only the other day at the very tender age of 45 that it finally dawned on me (after watching Posselq burst out laughing when I repeated this particular 'behaviour myth') that in fact 'it' isn't good for your facial skin after all. Gosh - I was cross - I've believed that one for years.

Doh x

Thursday 16 April 2009


The Posselq's parents are due later this afternoon. They're here for the weekend. I have bought buns - maybe I should have baked them myself? I am a nervous wreck. I am busy changing beds and dusting and making sure there's enough milk and bread in the house. Have to be a good little Domestic Goddess. It's bad enough having to keep Posselq himself happy with all that I do (actually that's an exaggeration - he's easily pleased!) - and then make sure the kids enjoy themselves when they're here on their fortnightly weekend visits - but now the 'not quite' Mother in Law is coming too!!! 

When they came for Christmas we had a great time - but I was officially a guest then - it might be different this time now that I am officially living here. There may be higher expectations. No woman is ever good enough for a son - that kind of thing!

Actually they are lovely and I really like them - so I'm not expecting any trouble!!

Let's hear it for the ants!

Listening to Radio 2 this morning - whilst driving back from Leeds - I heard a piece of scientific news. Scientists in California have discovered a new species of Ant which is entirely female. Good old evolution has managed to do away with the male of the species. The females are able to replicate their DNA by themselves and manage somehow to get it into their eggs. Thereby reproducing themselves perfectly. Voila - no need for the male of the species and so they have become extinct.

Chaps everywhere - be afraid - be very's only a matter of time :) 

Wednesday 15 April 2009


Today I am going up north. I'm off to see my Mum and Auntie Mimi. I am very excited. There will be tea and cakes and lots of shopping :)

Men - I suggest you look away now

Women's troubles. I don't mean 'men who drink' or 'children who're cheeky' or 'cars with punctures' or even 'boxes too heavy to lift' - I mean proper women's troubles. Following on from the theme of yesterday (ie nether regions) today we're going to look at Cystitis. At least that's what I think it is. Never having had it before I couldn't be sure - but I have the overwhelming urge to go for a 'pee constantly. It started at about 4am - I woke up desperately needing the loo - and thought 'hey - that's early' as usually I'm fine until about 6.30. As soon as I had been (and washed my hands of course) I got back into bed and the feeling of 'really wanting to go to the loo' came back as if I hadn't been. So I went again. Then got back into bed ......and so on ......... for about ten minutes until I realised in my foggy half asleep state what was going on here.

I am now at my desk - having just been for a pee (that's about the tenth so far today) and desperately wanting another one.

My body is behaving like a dork and it may be time for a serious word.

Tuesday 14 April 2009


I can only assume that women in Banbury aren't hairy. There are no waxing salons here. Well - that's not strictly true - there are - but they don't do everywhere. You can get your legs waxed - and even your underarms - but ask about anywhere a bit closer to your panty line and the telephone goes quiet - there is whispering on the other end of the 'phone and then the line goes dead. It makes you feel like you're asking Hilary Briss for some dodgy meat from under the counter (League of Gentleman). The nearest place for doing 'down there' involves a 90 minute round trip to somewhere south of Oxford. I can only assume that the  gentlemen of Banbury are fond of the 'German' look. You can however have your eyebrows threaded in the local shopping centre - while you wait indeed. My eyebrows are fine and it was other parts of me that required depilating. When I lived in Weybridge - a quick trip down the A3 and it was done and dusted (literally) in half an hour. Bit of hot wax - nice chat -application of soothing cream - dusting down with talcum - and Bob's your Uncle for another fortnight. It was always a tad uncomfortable - actually that's a lie - it hurts like hell - gentlemen please note what we ladies go through in an attempt to render ourselves more attractive for you - Back, sack and crack anyone?

Not wanting to go on another expedition - but neither desiring to remain hairy - after all - neat is best - today in Tesco I purchased the item photographed here. If you look closely you can see that it has a light - which I suppose is the modern day equivalent of a miner's helmet lamp !!! (oo'er Missus)! Please note that it is made by Braun - as all beauty products should be - not Bosch or Black and Decker (see earlier Ironing post).

It works by tweezering the hair out by the root - but it has a multitude of rotating tweezers and therefore is very quick. It is not - however (and let's face it was never going to be)  - painless. When I got back from Tesco I was very keen to give it a try - and so popped upstairs (would have done it downstairs but there are children playing in the playing field opposite the house and I wouldn't want to give them nightmares) armed with new gadget and a rotating mirror (if you need to ask then you shouldn't be reading this)  and had a go! When you are being waxed someone else is doing it and therefore cannot feel your pain - so they just get on with it - for the most part ignoring the screams, and wimpering. Also they have usually only allocated 15 minutes of salon time to 'do' you - so if they were to stop every time you uttered sounds of discomfort they would be at it all day!

However when you are in charge of the pain yourself you tend to have a few breaks! My breaks involved a large gulp of gin. (You don't say). 

Anyway - apart from a bit of redness there are no ill after effects and all areas are now as smooth as.

So that's saved me a fortnightly bill of £35 and the time required for the round trip. All in all I am very pleased :)

Hirsute? No hirsute birds round here love.

Ear Update

Yaaaaaay...after ten days of partial deafness I can now hear really well - in both ears!!! Tesco was a cacophony of various sounds - few of them pleasant!!!

I must say that the syringing process is done with an electrical pulsing thingy-ma-bob which squirts warm water down your ear canal in a most pleasant massaging fashion. I loved it and may take to stuffing things in my ears regularly just so that I can enjoy the experience on a regular basis.


In a minute I'm leaving to go to the Doctor's to get my right ear syringed. I've been deaf in it for ten days now. I can hardly wait and am very excited. It doesn't take a lot these days........

Busy week

Well - that's Easter over and done with then. I had a lovely time - just me and the Posselq for four whole days. I got chocolate. We pottered, we ate, we went to the shops to browse, we watched movies (well he did - I fell asleep) he cut the grass and planted herbs, we went out to dinner, stayed in for dinner, On Saturday we had a day out in Stratford-Upon-Avon - which was lovely. 

He's gone back to work now - and this coming weekend we've got guests - the in-laws (out-laws?) are coming on Thursday until Sunday - a huge opportunity for me to show off my domestic goddess skills. You just know that's going to be a disaster!! The children are here too - no pressure then. It'll be the large bottle of gin for me.

Tomorrow I'm going to meet my Mum and Mimi and buy them their birthday presents at Meadowhall - that'll be fun - especially if they both want the same thing and there's only one of them!

Then off to Leeds for an illicit liaison with somebody and an overnight stay - the fly back down the motorway in time to do food shopping and greet guests at door with beaming smile and clean pinny.

Lovely xx


This is fab - I laughed my head off !!

Thursday 9 April 2009

Young Ladies......

This is a note to the young ladies that I know. There you sit in your late teens or early twenties not knowing what you have at your disposal. You have a fully functional body which works very well. It may not be exactly the shape or size that you would like - but believe me - if you were to compare it to a body belonging to somebody in their mid forties you would not swap it:) Your body probably does all that you ask of it with little or no complaint. Think yourselves lucky.

Your skin is smooth (it may be a bit spotty - but later on you will be thankful for the extra grease that your skin produces). You will not have a road map of southern europe etched upon your face - neither will you have creases around your lips that resemble the top opening of a volcano - your lipstick - should you wear it - will not traverse northwards via these lines. 

Your eyes are clear - the whites will still be white - not for you the little red spider veins that run all over my eyeballs. Your eyes will still be working perfectly well - and you do not (yet) have to hunt all over the house for spectacles before you can read the newspaper - come to think of it you probably don't read the newspaper.

Your feet and hands will be be smooth - your digits straight and pain free - no enlarged knuckle joints or bent bits? It will make no difference to your hands and feet if the weather is warm or cold. Should you be learning to play the piano your fingers will reach through an octave effortlessly (I hate you).

Girls - your boobs will be pert and perky. You can go bra-less (if brave enough) and just look cute and sexy - not ridiculous and mentally retarded like I do if I go bra-less these days!

Your hips and bum will be smooth and svelte. Make the most of them - because in twenty years they will be beginning to look like elephant's legs....I kid you not.

At the present time you can venture into changing rooms, strip to your underwear and not feel suicidal. Enjoy it while it lasts. It's only a matter of time. Come to think of it you can probably still wear lycra without getting an ASBO. I can't.

Your hair will be thick and glossy - and you won't have any of it growing on your top lip. That will change. 

I say to the young ladies of today - You don't know what you have until it's gone.

Look in the mirror and celebrate your youth. Go out and create havoc with your beauty. Later on when you want to go and create havoc - your beauty will have left you and all you will create is a few sniggers and an awful lot of pity............

Millie meets a Hedgehog

Millie : "Time for a wee Mum?"
Mum : "okay - out you go - I'm right behind you with the torch"
Millie : "Oh look - a small spikey football!!!! - Yaaaaay!"
Mum : "Leave the Hedgehog ALONE"
Millie : "What's a Hedgehog? Looks like a ball to me and I'm going to play with it...."
Mum : "Noooooooooooo............."
Millie : "Ouch....OUCH.....ouch.....OUCH"
Evil Hedgehog : "Come on silly little white dog - make my day.....Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha !"

Wednesday 8 April 2009

Create some havoc?

I was talking to Lisa on the dog and bone the other day and she said that since I moved to Oxon my blog had become a tad tedious. It's all about cooking and being a domestic goddess apparently. It has somehow lost it's edge. Emma agreed with her. 

My ranting diatribes used to keep them amused for hours - but nowadays the more tranquil pace of life here in the countryside - my life is less angst ridden and more pleasant - is reflected here and therefore the entertainment value has dropped.

I really don't know what to say. I may have to create some drama so that I can write about it and keep people amused. Hmmm, let's see......


1. Join the WI and persuade them all to learn some bondage techniques (right ladies - handcuffs at the ready?)

2. Create an action group and call it something like "Ladies of Leisure against the persecution of the City Link delivery driver" - All the delivery drivers that I have met since living here have been absolutely lovely.

3. Do an in-depth study into the benefit/cost analysis of travelling 12 miles to the nearest Waitrose store - as opposed to 3 miles to Tesco.

4. Re-do all Delia's recipes - replacing quantities of liquids (oil, vinegar, water, stock) with alcohol (gin, vodka, white wine, beer)

5. Open a brothel

I am sure that some of my regular readers can come up with some countryside shattering ideas - and all ideas are welcome....however I have a feeling that the writing has become a bit "la-la" because I am contented and happy!!!

So there !!!

Dan has a crash!

Today Dan left to go back to Gloucester and I tootled off to the Quacks to see about my dodgy ear -(also required super strong painkillers having been plagued by migraine measuring 23 on the richter scale since Monday....serious pain and much throwing up...lovely!). I was waiting patiently for my appointment when my mobile rang and it was PC Plod on the 'phone to tell me that Dan had had a crash. 

For a mother there can be no worse phone call to answer.

Some numpty had turned right as she was coming towards him at about 50 mph and the poor kid didn't stand a chance of stopping. The other guy couldn't have been concentrating. Dan was on the 'phone to my Mother at the time (hands free) and all my mother heard was her scream and then the sound of the crash. Poor woman nearly had a heart attack. It happened right outside an MOD base - and was captured on CCTV. It really wasn't her fault at all - but her little silver mini is very bashed. Thank God for air bags. She has a cut lip - and was very shaken. Some lovely MOD police looked after her until I could get there - and the civvy police attended too. Her hire car arrives in the morning - which means that she stays with me for another night. 

I finally got to see the Doctor - and have been given nuclear strength tablets for sore head - and instructions to dribble warm olive oil into my ear 4 times a day and then pop back on Tuesday to have it syringed. I have to say that dribbling warm olive oil (extra special virgin type - obviously) is quite a pleasant thing to do - but looks and feels a bit bizarre!!! I must also commend the lovely receptionist at the Surgery. After a lifetime of dealing with Doctor's receptionist who would make Mussolini look like Mary Poppins - the young lady today was extra helpful and kind - re-arranging appointments for me - and sorting out my prescription - and then managing to miraculously conjure up an appointment with the nurse for next week - when initially it looked like I would have to wait about three weeks. I liked her - a lot. It's always great when you meet somebody who is good at their job and has the 'customer's' interests at heart.

Tuesday 7 April 2009

Poking in ear update

Just to let you know - because I know that you will have been worrying - the ear is no better. I am about 80% deaf in that ear now - so anyone wishing to speak to me needs to move to the other side! Poor Dan had to keep shouting at me today - and last night Posselq and I were laid in bed talking - I couldn't hear a thing he said. (I bet he wishes he had dodgy ears sometimes).

So tomorrow I will have to visit to the Surgery - register - and then make an appointment to see the quack. When I moved to Surrey it was 18 months before I needed any medical intervention - I've only been here a few weeks and I'm falling to bits already. Maybe it's my age? Just in case you were worrying - there is no pain or discomfort any longer - I just can't bloody hear anything. Tonight I was laid on the sofa watching TV and I had to completely change the way I was lounging just so that I could hear it. 

I don't care how bad it gets - I absolutely refuse to wear any kind of hearing aid  (Prada don't make them - do they?) - but I would be happy to have an assistance dog :)


Today Dan and I have been on the choo-choo up to 'Town. I had my hair done at Cousin Richard's - and then Dan managed to wangle a free cut too!!! We went browsing the shops in Covent Garden and I got new shoes (yes, yes, yes) and Dan got a couple of t-shirts. I also went a bit barmy and forgot the eighties - then bought a pair of black leggings!!! If I can ever gather the courage to wear them it should be hilarious.

We then met her dad for coffee and cake - then got on the choo-choo back to Banbury. A nice day out.

Dressage Debacle

The test didn't go well. It may have been something to do with Posselq being there to watch - but much as I would like to blame somebody / something else I'm afraid I can't really! It was purely rider error. In the warm-up in the in door arena she was as good as gold - working soft and round and doing everything right - even being rhythmical in her canter (what??? Phoebe???) - but once we got outside - well - it was a whole different story. She was strong - and I mean strong. The canter was done to the sounds of me chanting 'F**k - F**k - F**k - with every stride - and the downward transition to trot ??? - I nearly went over her head. I think it may be time to hang up my stirrups and take up cake decorating.......I can't even bring myself to tell you my score - it was that bad :(

Monday 6 April 2009


....poke anything smaller than your elbow in your ear. These wise words were told to me by somebody (can't remember who) many years ago. Wise words indeed because this weekend I poked a cotton bud in there and now am deaf in my right ear. We've tried everything - drops - syringing - poking - prodding - patience - every damn thing - and I am still deaf in that ear...PARDON???? I also have an infected finger from a hay splinter - Posselq had a dig round with a needle and some tweezers yesterday - but despite his best efforts - nothing was resolved and now my finger is swollen and sore...very sore. Put that together with the fact that at lunchtime today I have to ride Phoebe in a competition and my finger isn't working - and I can't hear Dan reading the test for me and you'll see why I'm a bit fed up!!!........ PARDON? OUCH !

Saturday 4 April 2009

Posselq is still alive.

Last night Posselq went to fetch the children and I agreed to make the dinner so that it was ready for when they got back. I was making my yummy home made burgers with home made chips - all in all a real treat - it was always Dan's favourite - I'm very good at it and therefore NEED NO OUTSIDE HELP!!!

Posselq came home (bless him) and because it's his kitchen and his stuff and his environment and everything - he just can't help but pop his head in and have a little look (at absolutely everything) to check that I'm doing everything okay - ie the way he could be doing it!!!! He does this thing with the pans where he has to move them just a fraction on the hob.....just to ensure that everything is absolutely perfect......(he readily admits that it's the control freak in him). Well that would be okay - only this week it's "that week" when I am not at my best and all sensible men folk in the vicinity should be afraid - be very afraid.

For his trouble the Posselq very nearly got stabbed with a blunt instrument - it would have been a sharp instrument but then I figured that a blunt one would be more painful.

It makes me laugh how Men can disappear (albeit to do a worthwhile thing - it's not like he was in the pub or anything) leave you to carry out a task of which you are more than capable - and then come home "Just in time" to rescue the situation from the terrible debacle that it was just about to become had he not got back in the nick of time.

I do love my Man but I could have cheerfully killed him :)

Thursday 2 April 2009


Enter at A and proceed down centre line without halting. At C Track right........Oh Sorry....busily learning a dressage test here and that's how they start.......What they don't say on the test sheet is that you will spend 3 hours cleaning tack and washing saddle cloths. Six days riding your horse in a serious way (preparation being the key here) about eight hours grooming, two hours and a tenner's worth of fuel going to Boots the Chemist buying 'Calm' tablets........and about fourteen hours walking the test out in your living room (hoping you're not doing the canter bit when the postman gets here and peeks in through the window....I just know that's going to happen today).

All this for a dressage test which lasts 4 minutes - and there's no prize money??? Madness

Back Issues

Yesterday I cleaned the truck, It's a big truck therefore a lot of physical effort is required. Later I went and rode Phoebe in preparation for the dressage competition on Monday. I also spent an hour grooming her - and then another 45 minutes bent double using clippers on her lower legs so she no longer looks like a bog pony - but more like a dressage diva.

This morning my back is shouting at me. I just flung back the quilt in my normal way - ready to bound out of bed and face another fun-filled day - Oh alright then - what I mean is that I usually lift the quilt and get out of bed quite easily - but this morning? - Not so!!!!

It took me all of about 4 minutes to get my ridiculously aching body out of the pit. There was groaning and gnashing of teeth. A further minute of so to stagger downstairs, and then the exertion of flicking the switch on the kettle was too much and I had to sit down....seriously!! I've had two ibuprofen in a vain attempt to quell the pain just so that I can straighten up properly.

I'll let you know later if the discomfort passes :) In the meantime I am going to research comfy pants and flat shoes because I am clearly turning into Doris What's-hername who is 57 and totally, completely and utterly past it.

Wednesday 1 April 2009

More than I can chew

I mean of course, that I've bitten off more than I can chew. I've just attempted to clean the "Yorkie bars aren't for girls" truck. I knew it was big - but now that my back has gone and I'm knackered and the car doesn't really look all that clean because I've missed so many bits and I'm fed up and tired...I have realised that cleaning said vehicle is a job for boys - ie boys at a valeting centre.

I will not be attempting it again.

Dressage Diva

Oh My Goodness. There's a Dressage competition at our yard on Monday - yes - Monday - that is this coming Monday. I've been thinking about entering - and then  was late with my entry - so that was that then - can't do it (phew - let's all breathe a huge sigh of relief).  But - NO - Denise came to me this morning to tell me that she still had spaces - so I can do it after all!!!!!

Sh*t Sh*t Sh*t - that means the next five days of practice - grooming - mane pulling (and therefore nearly getting kicked to death when we get to the sensitive bit down near her shoulders) and gently persuading reluctant horse to work nicely and not go bombing off when we ask for the canter.

I have no clue why I put myself through this - all for four and a half minutes of competition - but at least the last few times I've done it I haven't come last!!!

Fingers crossed then x 


Some snivelling thieving git has spanked my switch card. Over the last few days they have spent over £2K of my money in various Gambling establishments. Fortunately my bank is in the process of refunding the money as I write this - but this morning my Mortgage payment looked like bouncing.

If I could get my hands on these people I would do unspeakably vile things to them for a very long time - finishing with chopping off their thieving fingers one at a time with a blunt knife. Hack, hack, hack.....hack, hack, hack.......bastards.


Good day Sunshine

I love this time of year. The clocks have 'sprung' forward - the evenings are lighter, things are warming up and the daffs are out. Easter (chocolate - yaaaaay!) is coming and the grass has started to grow again. Posselq cut the grass at the weekend - and it will probably want doing again very soon. Phoebe is shedding her winter coat and getting her lovely shiny summer coat through - it's a slightly different colour and looks great...and everything just feels sunny and optimistic and good.

I've just been thinking about that great Beatles song 'Good Day Sunshine' - and that kind of sums up how I feel.

Since I've been mucking my horse out again I've lost some of the muffin top that I grew - so that feels a bit better - and I am loving being a domestic Goddess here in Banbury with Posselq. So, all in all - a good day with good feelings abound - what with that and the re-cycling - I think I may have been replaced by a clone:)

Beautiful New life