Sunday 2 December 2012

It's nearly Yuletide

I've been missing a lot of this year. Not really...what I mean is I've been missing blogging about it. So here's a quick rundown.

I am now a Padi Staff Instructor. That means that I can assist in teaching new instructor candidates. Amongst all the other stuff that I teach.

I survived the mad busy summer.....working 7 days a week for weeks on end...and made two trips back to sunny Malta. Once for a wedding and then again in September for a whole ten days just to do some lovely diving in warm water. That was lovely! I also had my birthday whilst I was there and had a great night out for dinner with friends.

Now The festive season is looming and a trip home is on the cards. Dan and I are helping in a homeless shelter on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.....she suggested it and I thought it was better to give than to receive and all that!

That's about it really.....apart from this last year has passed without me being kissed!

Tuesday 17 July 2012

Have you missed me?

Well..Hello. Offers up a tiny wave in a kind of timid way. I'm sorry I've been away for so long - but this place is like a kind of fourth dimension...people have been known to disappear and never be seen or heard of again. Anyway - that hasn't happened to me...I'm still here. Still in very funky Whittlesea where inter-breeding first became popular..I suspect it started here before even Wath Upon Dearne...and that's saying something. I haven't written much of late - because apart from work - nothing else ever happens here. Last week I got my Master Scuba Diver Trainer rating - which for anybody with a forces background is a bit like a Sergeant - to get this you have to have taught so many folks to dive - and also be qualified to teach various diving specialities. I am now a Nitrox Instructor, Deep, Underwater Navigation, Peak Performance Buoyancy, Wreck, and Dry Suit Instructor - as well as a certified Gas Blender. That's some going - and it's taken my little brain by storm. I've been back to Malta for a few days - to do some diving in clear water and to attend a friend's wedding - and have booked flights to return there for 10 days in September. Next Month I am doing my Staff Instructor course - which means I will be able to evaluate and help to train new instructor candidates. Oh yes - after a long spell of 26 years - my very first ex-husband has now been in touch via Facebook! Don't you just love Facebook? That means I am now friends will all three of them! I think that's quite something. Never a cross word that can't be mended years later by a social networking site. Time heals all things! Anyway - I may blog again in a few days about some of the mad things that happen round here - and I might just have to fill you in on Kitchen Lynn and her lovely attitude...but that's a long story for another day. Love love, love xx

Saturday 7 April 2012 I am in Sheffield for Easter weekend. It feels kind of odd to be honest. I got back late on Thursday after my train was delayed just a quarter of a mile outside the a station...for over an hour...I could have walked back quicker! Got back to Mum's eventually and had some food and an early night. Mum's memory is getting worse...she now has to write everything down...she just forgets stuff as soon as you tell her something. She also repeats herself continuously. I've done the same thing for years ever since a bad car accident in my early 20' I understand..but it can be frustrating.

Friday lunchtime saw us all going out for lunch to celebrate the twin's birthday.. My dear friend Hazel came along too...and a good time was had by all.

Friday night saw me meeting up with the divine Mrs Morris for a few drinks and supper. I love that lady!

This morning we bobbed down to Meadowhall....for a spot of retail therapy and to meet up with Dan and Alex. Then I hot-footed it up to Fiona's. How excited I was to see her again. I love that girl. So much.

We spent the afternoon laughing and giggling and doing girly stuff including charity shop shopping.

Tonight has been relaxing....a nice tea of egg and chips....and watching tv.

I love being home. X

Sunday 25 March 2012


Feels like I haven't been on here for ages! (well...that's because you haven't you daft bint!).

Anyway...I've been busy. Teaching. Which I love. I've just spent the weekend teaching two great chaps the Rescue Diver course. It's a brilliant course - very hard work. Those of you who have been reading this blog for a while may remember when I took my Rescue Course - and how emotional it was for me. For a's the first time that their consciousness is expanded to think about others before themselves. It's extremely hard work...physically and mentally...and to pass the course is a great achievement. To teach it is an ever bigger thrill!

The chaps I have taught today - Paul and Adrian - are amongst my favourite students and they worked hard and did well. I was very proud of them.

All in all - a great weekend !

Sunday 4 March 2012


Oooh today has been a good day. I've been teaching. Originally I thought I was teaching a rather large chap on a course called 'Peak Performance Buoyancy'. PPB is all about being streamlined in the water - getting your weighting correct and being able to control your position in the blue by using just your lungs. If you can get your buoyancy will never damage coral...use less air per dive..and just be a better diver. It's a great course. Sadly Fatboy didn't turn up...but Robert did. Let me tell you about Robert. Robert is 24 years old - but Robert has learning difficulties and has a learning age of 10. He struggles to read and write. He can get agitated if things don't go right first time. Frustration can get the better of him. But I like Robert. He's kind and gentle, respectful, has lovely manners, and a great sunny disposition. I taught Robert on his dry suit course just before Christmas and apparently he likes and trusts me.

He asked for me specially when he booked (with his Dad's help) his PPB course. He is an absolute pleasure to teach. He wants to learn and he wants to please. The academic parts of the course take a little longer...and I have to explain every question to him in simpler language than is written in the manual...but he understands...and he's always done his study before he comes to the dive centre (I wish all the students did that).

Today's dives went well - Robert is good in the water - and the look of sheer joy when we finished the dive and I told him he had passed the course was the very reason I started doing this job.

Robert is an un-complicated young man. He wants to dive. He wants to dive well. And it was absolutely my honour and pleasure to teach him today.

That is why I love what I do.

Monday 27 February 2012

...and other news..Update!

Well.. I passed all my exams...thank you for asking..and am now spammily qualified to teach loads of stuff to loads of folks under water! Which is good. I am quite proud of me'sen to be honest.

The friend thing went a bit tits up though....and I'm not entirely sure what happened. We had a great day in London (see previous post) and then he went off skiing for a week. He text me last night to say he was home...but then proceeded to start 'sex-texting'...which was all a bit strange to be honest. I mean...I like him and all...but we've never even it all felt a bit sudden! Maybe he'd been drinking? I have no clue. Anyway I had to let him know that although I liked him and was interested in getting to know him better - I wasn't ready yet for that sort of carrying on! Does that make me sound prudish? I'm all for a a bit of naughty texting when you're in a relationship with somebody and there's a level of trust there and so on....but it just didn't feel like the right time. I sent him a very carefully worded text...trying deperately not to hurt his feelings ....and haven't heard from him since. So that's the end of that then!

I am truly hopeless at this man thing. And I mean truly hopeless. I may take up knitting and get a cat.

On a more serious note - I am a bit sad - I really hoped this chap might turn out to be a really good friend.

Ah well....

Thursday 23 February 2012

Oxygen Partial Pressures......and other news

Forgive the title's all to do with dive physiology. I'm doing some courses at the be able to teach more stuff to student divers. By Monday I will be a qualified Deep Diving Instructor, a qualified Underwater Navigation Instructor, and a qualified EANx Instructor (that's Enriched Air...or Nitrox....for those of you who don't know...) as well as a qualified Dry Suit Instructor and Open Water Instructor - which I am already. For the Eanx qualification I have to understand Oxygen partial pressures and how this is affected by depth...did you know that Oxygen can be toxic at depth? Can cause convulsions and then death? Oooo how dramatic! I kind of understand it - but have to be able to teach's all about partial pressures and that kind of Einstein stuff. (Sighs Deeply). Tissue saturation and rates of recovery...blah blah blah....I will know enough to pass the exams by Sunday afternoon...I will..I will..I will.

In other news...we have had a day out of the 'fun' variety. Last Saturday in fact. Bobbied off to London for the day. On t'train. I went to meet a friend. Ahem *coughs*. A male friend. He is only a friend...but that doesn't mean that I wouldn't quite like the idea of him becoming something more. Mind you - I have absolutely no idea how he would feel about that idea...and I also have no idea how old he is. If I were to hazard a guess I would say about 38 - but I could be wrong. His twitter name has the number '78 in it - which would seem to suggest he's only 34. But it's really difficult to tell. He could well be a few years older than that.

Anyway - he's very nice and he makes me laugh...but I am not going to say a single word to him about me 'liking' him in that way. I would rather keep him as a friend than risk chasing him away running scared for the hills because an older woman fancies him. I would have thought all this stuff would be easier now that I'm older and more experienced...but NO..if anything it's more difficult than ever! The other difficulty is that he lives in another country for 6 months of the year...and if I'm going to do the jiggy dance with someone (figuratively I might add) has to be somebody I can see a few times each week.

As always I will keep you informed. Right...back to studying Oxygen behaviour at depth....laters x

Monday 13 February 2012

Some days

Some days I could just scream. Really. Some days I could bash my head against a wall until I go dizzy. Some days I could cheerfully hit somebody - a random anybody. Some days I could pack a bag and set of running and keep going until God knows when. Some days I could tell the entire world to sod right off. Some days I could just shout and scream and not stop until I have told every single person who has ever hurt me or disappointed me or pissed me off or lied to me or duped me or cheated me exactly what I think of them. With knobs on. Someday I just could. Today was one of those days. It will be over soon as I'm going to bed early (Just to get the day over). Hopefully tomorrow will be different.

Sod off Valentine...'s that time of year again. The time when we spinsters hang our heads in shame. Tomorrow is the feast of St Valentine - the day for lovers everywhere. Lovers? Everywhere? There's none round here :)

I should get a card - from a twitter pal - who was also bemoaning the lack of love in his life - so quick as a flash (total opportunist) I messaged him to say I'd send him one if he'd return the favour.....I WILL HAVE A RED ENVELOPE to wave around tomorrow. I posted his card on Saturday and hopefully he did the same thing.

So - that begs the question...Do I really want a significant other? Well - to be honest - there are some things that I miss. I miss witty conversations, shared jokes, deep and meaningful chats about all manner of things. I miss physical contact. Obviously I miss dancing the horizontal mumba...but I miss hugs, touches, cuddles, holding hands...just being in physical proximity to somebody. I miss the feeling of 'being in this together'...I miss having someone to cheer for...I miss knowing that somebody is thinking about me from time to time throughout their day. I miss phone calls and texts and somebody doing something just because they think I will like it.

And the things I don't miss?'s a long list and far too long to embark on here :)

Happy St Valentine's day everyone :)

Sunday 29 January 2012

Young couple

Yesterday I was teaching. At the Pool. Doing what we call a 'Discover Scuba Diving' experience. It is exactly what it says on the tin. Not too difficult...not too hazardous..and can be lots of fun. I really like it when the student 'gets it' and loves it and wants to go on and do more.

Yesterday I had a lovely young couple who are engaged to be wed - and wanted to see if Scuba diving was something they could do on honeymoon. (Probably when they're bored of shagging).

The guy was great - got it straight away - and had a huge grin on his face. My work here is done. His fiancee was a whole other matter. She didn't want to be there...had a face like a smacked arse....wouldn't carry her kit (which is heavy) and made hapless boyfriend carry it for her...and did nothing but moan and whinge for the entire two hours. Oh it did make me cross.

So here's a few words of advice for you dear. Try popping a smile on your face. Your husband to be won't be around for too long if you're always mardy. If you don't join in things with a willing heart and a joyous attitude - he'll be running off with somebody altogether more smiley!

I wonder how they'll get on?

(Editor's note - these words of advice were very well thought out by a woman who has managed to lose 3 husbands!!)

Tuesday 24 January 2012

January Pale Blues

I thought I'd better sit right down and write myself a letter...and make believe it came from you...tum te tum....No, actually I didn't. I was shamed. My dear friend and partner in madness - The wondrous Claire - who writes a blog - and is one of my all-time favourite peeps...has awarded my blog the Leibster Blog award. Regular readers may remember that another dear pal - Ali - awarded it to me last year. It's an award for a blog that is loved (apparently). Anyway - I am very honoured to have been awarded such a thing. It makes it all worthwhile.

I must admit to having been a bit un-communicative of late. I haven't written...I haven't phoned (funnily enough - our Dan has been vexed texting me to say exactly the same thing)..and even my usually sharp and witty tweets have become softened round the edges - and well..I'll say it..a tad DULL.

That's the thing about January though isn't it? It's shit really. Christmas has been and gone - and left behind in its wake a mountain of debt that makes the Eiger look like a pimple on a teenager's bum. The nights are long..the days are cold and most of us are afflicted with a melancholy that knows no bounds. Another year has gone by - and we're still stuck in a shit-hole of a life - another 12 months - another 52 weeks wasted - as we didn't get a single step nearer to our dreams.

I did get nearer to my dreams - I am now doing what I love - but perhaps when sending my dream into the ether I wasn't specific enough. Yes I wanted to teach scuba diving...which I'm doing...but what I actually wanted (but forgot to mention) was that I'd like to do that somewhere tropical - The Maldives? The Seychelles? ...somewhere...but not in a flooded gravel pit in friggin' Peterborough!

I also wished for more male attention - but yet again - lacked specifics. Sadly this has manifested itself in a cute friendship with a young man who has learning difficulties - who has now declared his undying love for me via Facebook - after I spent most of last weekend showing the utmost patience and understanding whilst teaching him to dive in a drysuit. He has now decided - in a very lovely but oh so simple way - that he loves me. The trouble is - he's 19 - and works on a lathe at Remploy. He's truly sweet - but he's not going to be my next MR.

My dear Dan is going off on an adventure soon - trekking across the raise funds for much needed water supplies. Brave Girl she is. I am very proud. To be her Mum. But in my January Blue Phase...I am thinking that I don't deserve such a shiny star as her in my life. I have never done anything to warrant such a mega chic.

Oh yes - I'm learning French too. Oh la la. Why? I have no clue..perhaps because I'm bored in the long evenings. Perhaps because my dream man - when he eventually appears - will be french - and I should be prepared. Who knows? Not me. Je ne sais quoi.

Anyway - only a few more days of January left now - and then we can look forward to Feb 14th. Which will be as much as a non-event this year as it was last.

Meanwhile...I'll just sit here and wait for spring. And for Godot.

Monday 2 January 2012

A bit sad

This morning I am a bit sad. Not a big bit - just a little bit. Why? The New Year will do that for you I figure. Saying goodbye to the last 12 months...which has been great - and wondering which way life will take me in the next 12 months.

Sad that I don't see my lovely lovely friends and family anywhere near often enough. And sad because I said adieu to our Dan yesterday. I have had a lovely break - but this being the 2nd Christmas that I have been single probably didn't help. Not that I don't want to be single anymore - I actually quite like some aspects of being a Spinster (great word)...but do get a bit lonely from time to time. It would be nice to have somebody to share things with.

Yesterday afternoon we went for coffee - en famille. The subject of my hapless love life came up - much to the amusement of everybody - me included. My Auntie said something witty - and it hurt. I can't even remember what she said. I had to leave. The Table. And go to the ladies powder room and have a little cry. I didn't cry for long - only a couple of drops. Then I returned to the table all bright-eyed and bushy tailed. I didn't want to her think that she had upset me - or she would have been mortified...and anyway, I couldn't have explained what it was that I was upset about.

But her comments stung. Really.

I am crap at the love-life thingy. Really I am. I may just get a cat.

Sunday 1 January 2012

Happy New Year

It's here then. 2012. Full of promise and exciting possibilities. I will probably be spending most it on remand for murder if Dear Mother doesn't stop making a bloody racket in the kitchen. It's 7am and she's clearing out the Christmas Fridge. I am very glad that I'm going back to Whit tomorrow. Ten days is about as much as anybody can take...(I know - I did three months last year - but desperate times require desperate bunking up at Mother's)...Never...Ever...Again.

I've had a brillzoid Christmas with dear Family and dear Friends. Have spent quality time with luscious daughter....the divine Mrs Smith....the wondrous Mrs Morris - including a very stressful half hour when I failed to rouse Mother from slumber and we almost called the fire brigade...almost...but not quite....and that following a few drinkies and a curry.

I spent a cracking evening with the Briddons - where the amazing Victoria cooked lovely food - and the children were delightful and the company was very much funnikins and the laughter was lots and lots :)

I also had a lovely lunch with the Billster. Gentleman of great wit and charisma..who I love dearly. Sadly he was having probs of the romantic I advised and comforted (I think) and encouraged and reminded him just how wonderful he is. He'll sort it - he's a clever chap.

I made a quick visit to my favourite clothes shop yesterday and bought one or two items of splendour. It's cheap - but stylish...a bit like me really!

Tomorrow I'm going back to Whit - but have a dinner appointment with a Gentleman Caller. It's not somebody I've met - he's a twitter friend. But - he makes me laugh and seems to be quite bright and shiny. So..we'll see what (if anthing) develops. Mind you...seeing as he's just got back from a week away with another Lady - I don't think Romance will be on his mind. Which is a shame - perhaps 2012 will be another man-free year for me.

So - quick backwards glance at 2011...

Spent most of the year with cracking people (I am blessed)...end of April saw me running away to Malta for the Summer to work with the fabulous Martin Stanhope and Julian Doyle - learning diving skills and teaching skills and getting a tan - and catching the eye of a 35 year old (ooh - get her!)....and generally having a wonderful time - it was a blast - and I will never EVER forget last Summer. August saw me returning back to the UK to do an intensive course and pass some difficult exams to qualify as a Scuba Diving Instructor. What a day that was! Proud? I'll say.

The Autumn months saw me staying in Peterborough and learning more about my chosen trade - under the watchful eye of the wonderful Lynn Smith - my mentor - and a true Dame!

Last year brought no gentlemanly snogging whatsoever...but much, much fun and laughter...much learning...and much happiness.

Here's to 2012 x

Beautiful New life