Thursday 30 September 2010

Am I my Mother?

Today I popped to Fifi's for lunch. I'm not going to see her for a while (a whole week) and I will miss her (a lot). I thought she may be walking a bit like the hobbit today after 'Yogalates hell' last night  and her recent operation - but NO - she was doing better than me.  :(

Anyway we were chatting about my impending journey by British Rail down to Billericay tomorrow...when lo and behold...without prior warning... I went into "Turning into my Mother" mode. I actually thought about - and then verbalised - the idea of making some sandwiches, wrapping them in silver foil, and making a flask of tea - to take on the train for a snack - because those British Rail sandwiches are not very nice (are they dear?) and so expensive.

I mean - I actually thought it - and then spoke it out loud. It really did seem like a great idea.

I am now suicidal. Fuckity Fuck Fuck.

Britain from the Air

I have just been watching the lovely (Sheffield lad) Michael Palin - who is the President of the Royal Geographical Society talking about a new exhibition called Britain from the Air. It's a series of many photographs of parts of our glorious land taken from the air. Go and have a look at a pre-view here.

It's very lovely...indeed :)


Today I am packing. For our brief sojourn to Malta. I am very excited. However - because we're going diving and obviously there's a weight restriction on luggage - I'm not taking any glamour stuff. There's room only for basic clothing essentials - and when I say basic - I mean it. A couple of pairs of shorts - 3 or 4 t shirts - and one pair of shoes. I kid you not. No room for make-up, hairdryer, hair straighteners. By next Thursday I will look like a tramp (of the highest quality). People on the train back to Sheffield will be avoiding me and perhaps giving me a few pounds for a sandwich and some hot soup. I don't care though because I'm going diving. Which I absolutely love.

I love being under the sea where we're not supposed to go. I love swimming with the fish and exploring reefs and sea bed formations. I love floating around feeling almost weightless. I love the silence. I love looking at everything and seeing things from a totally different perspective. I really really REALLY love it. I wish I could do much more of it. 

I am eternally grateful to the person who had the idea last year that I would like it and booked me onto my first course.

I am taking my camera - and its underwater housing - so hopefully there will be lots of photographs to share when I return. 

Splish splash X

Wednesday 29 September 2010


"...and what is that?" I hear you enquire. The clue is in the's a cross between Yoga and Pilates and sounded a wee bit more gentle than a step class of aerobics (I don't really want to push the 47 year old envelope).

So off we trot. Myself, Helen and Fiona (recently had hip replaced - requiring gentle exercise).

It was hard - damn hard - I couldn't stretch to touch my toes - couldn't lift my legs off the floor and drew a complete blank when it came to crossing my legs in yoga-buddha like position. I mean - I always though I was quite supple - but seeing as I haven't done any real bodily exercise for about 9 months - it shouldn't really be a surprise to realise that the woman on the next mat - aged about 94 and weighing 16 stone - would find it easier than me.

The teacher - all blonde, under 30,  firm and cheerily enthusiastic with a delightful sing-song voice (I wanted to punch her frickin' lights out) was kind and sweet - but couldn't really keep the 'I can't believe that you have let yourself go that much love' look off her face - and tried to be helpful and sympathetic to my obvious difficulties. 

Will I be going again? Probably not - but am more than happy to wait in the bar scoffing crisps and drinking gin while Helen and Fiona have another crack next time.

Tuesday 28 September 2010

Leaving on a jet plane......

Too busy to scribe much nonsense at the moment - sorry people. Am leaving at the weekend to fly out to Malta for a bit of diving before the winter sets in for good (well for the next six months anyway). I thought I deserved some sea and swimming in nice deep water before bundling up in woollies for the duration!

So today - I am busy sorting out dive gear - checking my equipment (ooo-er) and generally trying to get a bit organised...because before I know it Friday will be here and I'm due on a train mid-morning.

I'm going with a dear friend who has never dived before - so they're doing their Open Water qualification and I'm just going to leisure dive. Sounds perfect doesn't it? X

Saturday 25 September 2010

I've got a bus to catch

Oh My Goodness... it's all going on here. If you read this blog earlier today you will know I have a date planned for tomorrow lunchtime (with lovely handsome younger man - yum yum)...and then (drum roll) I managed to make a new friend on facebook (I're struggling with that concept) and we had a wee chat on FB chat - then he called me and then he asked me out for tea tomorrow evening:)

Tea time chap comes with recommendation as he is a friend of a friend.....

That means two changes of clothes - two lots of make-up - etc etc...

It's true what they ARE like buses  :)  So I'm off to bed now as I need my beauty sleep.

Sorry I missed your party :)

This website made me laugh out loud - a few times.

The younger generation

Check me out. I have a date on Sunday afternoon with a 34 year old. That's a full thirteen years my junior. In his photo he looks well-fit.  I know that all my regular readers will await the outcome with baited breath. I will too.

Wish me luck :)

Thursday 23 September 2010

No, No, No

I've just had a message on the dreaded dating website from a guy calling himself 'Bum-fun'. Needless to say I won't be replying.

Meter reading

The man has just been to read my Electric Meter. I've just had my carpets cleaned. So...he's not coming inside my bijou wee cottage with his shoes on. Simples. I ask him to remove his shoes - he says 'no' - (some twaddle to do with Health & Safety...needs his steel toe cap shoes for all the hazards in my home - a cushion may just fall on his toe - or he may get attacked by a dried flower....JEEZ)...

My house - my rules - my carpets - (oil of Evening Primrose....Dear?)

Cue - ensuing 'discussion' (argument) regarding the law regarding Meter Reading. I tell him (in no uncertain terms) to Piss off. My meter hasn't been read.

No matter - because when the bill comes - I can ring them up in a state of outrage at their 'estimation' - give them the correct reading - and receive an up-dated bill.

In truth I was a bit pee'd off because when the doorbell rang I thought it was probably the man from Interflora bringing me a bunch of 'Happy Birthday' flowers from George (Clooney). Alas - No - it was some spotty grungy dirty uniform-wearing  oik from 'Meter Plus'. (Who incidentally work on behalf of N Power - so that was never going to go well really....was it?)

Wednesday 22 September 2010


Tonight I have been to Abbeydale Squash Club with Helen. They had a ladies health and beauty evening. Beauty therapists (Please help me) and waxers, and manicurists et al. Loads of them -but - and this is the good bit - only charging a fiver a chuck. BARGAIN!

I had a very nice back and shoulder massage  from Angela which was very relaxing - but prior to that I met Tracy Cooper. She does Kinesiology. What's that? No bloody idea. 

I laid down on a bed and had to do all sorts of weird stuff with muscles and things. Then after an assessment she told me I was depressed, de-hydrated, lacking in energy and sleeping badly. Right on the nail.

She has told me to take extra vitamin B and drink more water - and I should see an improvement within a few days.

I've ordered the vitamins and they should be here in a few days. Water's in the tap.

I'll let you know just how quickly I'm dancing on the ceiling.

Pilot Update

Went out on date with Pilot on Friday night. Had an OK time. (Mind you that did include 35 minutes of him telling me all about the break up of his last relationship - you are so clearly NOT OVER IT)  I wasn't massively entertained....he came back to mine for 'coffee' - and then he had coffee.  Then he left. We discussed future dates and made a tentative plan to go walking on Tuesday. All very nice. (yeah - right)

Then he did nothing. I text him to see if he still wanted to go. Nothing. So I text him to say that while it was nice to meet him - I didn't really see a future in things and maybe it was for the best...and all that 'nice' crap - when I actually wanted to tell him that he was a tad bad mannered !

Now he's texting me wanting to be my friend. For Christ's sake. I just don't get this stuff. Men are freaky and weird and stoooopid. Seriously!....oh yes - and they wee on the toilet seat .....

It's me :)

Things they are a-changing :) (Thankyou Bob Dylan).

Last night I went out for dinner with the ladies and had a really lovely time. I laughed - a lot. This morning I am in reflective mood - Birthdays will do that for you.

People spout all sorts of 'intellectual emotional shite' - I am one of the worst perpetrators of this particular crime. People talk all sorts of nonsense in the quest for understanding and happiness. It's all a  bit of bollocks I think. At the end of the day it's just words. What really matters is being with people who care about you - having some fun - a few bevvies - sharing the moment - relaxing and having some fun. Laughing until your sides hurt. Nice food - nice people. The quest for betterment is all a bit nonsensical. I am who I am. I do what I do. If you like that - that's great. If you don't - bugger off and make space for somebody else who might :)

ha ha ha ha :)

Birthday Girls

Tonight we have been here to celebrate mine and Fifi's birthdays. We had a lovely meal courtesy of Pete the chef (who is brilliant)...great conversation and much laughter. There were seven of us altogether..and we've had a lovely time. Thankyou to Mary, Mel, Moya, Jayne and Helen for sharing our celebration with us.

Monday 20 September 2010


Finally the Government has seen sense and is withdrawing our boys from the Sangin region in the Helmand province. I have no clue what - if anything we've achieved by being there - apart from the tragic loss of the lives of 337 brave young people

They're not all coming home - and the war isn't yet over - it seems like the beginning of the end though. I hope it all ends soon. 

Bring them home.

Sunday 19 September 2010

Grand day

What a grand day. After my lovely walk earlier with the hounds and Helen and Phil - I came home - had a bubble bath...lit the log fire.......cooked and ate some bacon, sausage, tomatoes and a fried egg (lashings of HP)... and watched this film.

It's a love story (no shit Sherlock) and it's truly lovely. If you haven't seen it - I suggest you do. You won't be disappointed. 

Puppy Love

Today Millie I have been for a walk in Ecclesall Woods with Helen, Philip and Ernie. Millie and Ernie are clearly in love.

I am in love too - with the woods. The pictures don't do it justice - but it's very beautiful, and peaceful. I wore my new walking boots - and they were very comfortable...thanks Dan x

Still green !

Very soon my little cottage will go bald. All the leaves that adorn the front and sides of the house will soon drop off for the winter. Before the baldness sets in we have 48 hours when the entire colour changes from a vibrant green to a rich beautiful red. When the change comes you can see the it change in one day. It starts at the gable end and moves across the front of the house during about 12 hours. It is a sight to behold! 

So this is how it looks today...still green. I think the change is due this week. I will take a picture of it changing and post it on here for you to see.

Nature - don't you just love it?

Saturday 18 September 2010

Well done Dan x

My lovely bright funny amazing smashing clever divine beautiful daughter has passed her accountancy exam at University. I am very proud of her. She is a superstar and I love her with all my heart.

Friday 17 September 2010


I am busily getting ready for my date tonight. Ablutions and make-up and hair and all that palaver. While I am getting ready I'm listening to music. Tonight's offering is Nickelback - who I love. I have just listened to this song. 

It's fab. I loved it the first time I heard it and I still love it now.

Thanks to the lovely Jo Kemp for introducing me to Nickelback some two years ago. I have loved them ever since - and even went to see them live last summer at the O2 arena in London. I have a tour t-shirt and everything:)

Rock and Roll x

PS It also helps that the lead singer is well fit !

Thursday 16 September 2010

Second date...second base?

Last night I had a phone call from a chap. I liked this chap when I met him - and clearly he liked me. Told me he's been thinking about me - a lot. (Of course there could be nothing better for him to think about). He's been out with a few other ladies since we met, but sadly - none of them lit his fire quite like I did (his words - not poetic). 

So the upshot is - he's driving to mine on Friday night - will accompany me to Scuba club at the local pub in Nether Edge - and then he's taking me out to dinner. Said he can't wait to see me again.

Ker-ching :)

Wednesday 15 September 2010

Holiday plan.....

How excited am I? Yesterday my dear friend and I finalised plans for a trip that we've been talking about all year. We both (desperately) need a holiday as we haven't been away all year. (Pity party?) It's been a tough year for both of us and we need a break. We were going to go to Dan's dad's villa in Spain - but knowing him as we do - last minute changes were inevitable - and quite frankly - we couldn't cope with the stress.

I really wanted to do more diving - last time I was in the water was back in March in Gozo - but Julian has now moved to Malta. So - with the help of a pal who works for Sleasyjet (cheap flights anyone?) last night we booked heavily discounted flights to Malta, cheap and cheerful accommodation - and she is booked on a 18m Open Water diving course. She's a bit worried that she may not like diving - but I've told her that everyone loves it...what's not to like?

So while she's learning how to dive for three days - I will be doing more adventurous stuff under the sea - and after six days - we're coming home again.

We're off at the beginning of October - and won't be gone long - but it will be lovely! I can't wait :)

Tuesday 14 September 2010

Early Birthday Gift :)

My lovely daughter bought me a pair of these today. For my imminent birthday. So that I can go walking - properly! My intention - after I enjoyed my meander with Helen so much last week - is to do more of it. I will be taking my camera along and attempting to capture the beauty of the Yorkshire and Derbyshire countryside to share with you all :) I can't wait. Millie is excited too. 

We also got a pair of the proper walking trousers with the zippy off bit at the bottom - so they can - hey presto - be transformed into long shorts - should it get a bit warm!

Things are going well...I am quite excited :)

Monday 13 September 2010

Which one's which?

Dan is home and last night I was showing her pictures from the past. I found a picture of me when I was eight and a picture of her when she was eight. Which one of us is which?

Sunday 12 September 2010

Never before......

Today I have been reminded of my love for all things patriotic. As you know (ahem) I served in HM forces when I was a young lady (reminder picture to the right) and am very, very, very proud to have done so.  I didn't get the chance to fight for my country - but had the chance arisen I would have taken it - it wouldn't have even been something to think about. It was a given. I also have a slight new interest in all things to do with aeroplanes - seeing as I have a new 'friend' who is a pilot.

This evening I have just watched a programme about the Battle of Britain pilots from WWII with the delightful David Jason ... (I wasn't watching it with him - not on my sofa sharing peanuts and wine)....and it was excellent. It brought a tear to my eyes a few times.

I am honoured that those brave men and women gave their lives for us to maintain our country's freedom. My grandparents were involved in the war - one Grandfather built floating pontoons down in London for the Royal Navy, my other Grandfather was a POW in Italy. My Grandmother worked for the Fire service and was involved in the Sheffield Blitz. 

My friend's son has recently joined the Navy and when I saw him last week we were talking about the pride you feel as a serving member of HM Forces. I will never forget that feeling of pride...and still have it. It is a good thing.

We must never forget all those brave men and women who did what they did for us to have what we have. As Winston Churchill said 'Never before have so many owed so much to so few'.

Saturday 11 September 2010

September 11th

We must never forget.

Happy Birthday ex-hubby :)

Yesterday was my lovely ex-husband's fiftieth birthday. Even though we divorced a few years ago we have remained friends and I love him dearly. He's a lovely, lovely man. We had ten very happy years together prior to getting married (!) and then we got married, lived together and it all went a bit Pete Tong. Nobody's fault really - just one of those things. But he remains one of the nicest people I know - and everybody who knows him says the same thing about him. 

He loves his rock music, loves his beer and likes to relax and have fun. he is one of the kindest and most gentle people on the planet, and I am extremely grateful that we are friends. It was lovely to see him and share his special evening :)

Friday 10 September 2010

Bad legs

After our lovely walk on Wednesday - now - on Friday morning - I am walking like Douglas Bader. Muscle ache? pah!

Boob Job

No - I haven't had a boob job - and no this is not "An introduction to Mammaries" (for our male readers who may or may now know what to do with them - and boy - how annoying is that? - when you get somebody who has NO CLUE....) pinch, grab, nip grope, chew,...NO, NO, NO

(I digress).

This is a picture of the very best thing I have ever purchased. Fiona and I popped into a perfect little shop close to home yesterday as she required support of the adequate variety for her rather sumptious bosom (she certainly got my share, and yours too probably) as she is off to a party wearing a new frock on Saturday night and wanted a lovely brassiere to wear. The requirement was 1) adequate support without steel girders, 2) thinner straps and lower sides as the frock has the same and 3) pretty enough to raise Mr. Smith's temperature.

While we were in there I asked the lovely proprietor lady if she could measure my 'iccle fried eggs as I have never had them measured - probably because there is no tape measure small enough - ahem.

She did (no I'm not telling you the result) and then I asked her if she had anything that could 'help' me. She mentioned Prozac, therapy, Buddhism and a few others - then realised I was talking about my baps and not my numerous personality disorders.

Voila - the product photographed above was duly shown and duly tried on. It has secret pockets which are filled with gel. A product no doubt developed by some clever oil engineer in a laboratory somewhere near the North pole in his spare time (Thank you Dr. Brilliant). It guarantees (guarantees - it actually says 'guarantees' on the label) to boost your boobies by two cup sizes. TWO-CUP-SIZES. No less!!!

I tried it on - and the result was - well - marvellous. I was 'jiggling'. I have never ever 'jiggled' in my entire life. My sad and sorry little puppy dogs ears were transformed into the kind of heaving bosom that a dickensian heroine would be proud of. I was transfixed, delighted and amazed. I purchased. And all for the princely sum of twenty quid. BARGAIN.

I promise you - my life has been transformed. I now have boobs that would actually get noticed in a crowd. I kid you not. Well, actually I don't have boobs that would get noticed - but I do have the appearance of boobs that would get noticed. Not that it matters. (...Trade Descriptions Act ....I hear you mutter). The way I look at it is this...if somebody likes me enough to get my bra off (I live in eternal hope) I'm sure it's my mind and my spirit and my soul they like - not my boobs. and they won't be too disappointed to discover the truth - will they? Besides - they're not going to stop at that point - surely? It would be like trying to stop a runaway train :)

The picture above is not a picture of my is a picture I knicked from the bra company's website - but my boobs do look just like that when I am wearing the wonderful garment of great 'boobiness'. Although my model is in black (you don't say). So any girls out there who may need a bit of 'lift' the product is called 'Solutions Gel Bra' and is available from

Tonight I'm going to my ex-husband's fiftieth birthday party for an hour or two - so we'll see if the new boobies (bra) have any effect on the over 50's of Nether Edge.

I'll let you know......

PS - Before you write in - yes I do know all about Chicken Fillets - but after a disastrous evening at an office Christmas Ball in a marquee in a muddy field somewhere just outside Walton-Upon-Thames......when (during a quite vigorous rendition of YMCA) one escaped my bra and ended up slithering about on the dance floor - I have no affection or time for that particular product :)

Wednesday 8 September 2010

Walking with dogs :)

Today has been amazing - and it's not finished yet :)

Helen and I took Millie and Ernie to Chatsworth for a long, long walk. We walked for about 5 miles. Through fields, and woods.... and the dogs swam (Ernie swam - Millie paddled) and we chatted and laughed and then stopped a few times to admire the stunning and outstanding beauty. We are very blessed living where we do - as within a ten minute drive we are in the midst of the Peak District National Park - which is (I am a bit biased) one of the most beautiful places on Earth. I saw so many truly beautiful and inspiring sights today that a few times I had tears in my eyes. My only regret is that I didn't take my camera. But I will next time, and then I can show you what I was so moved by.

We had lunch in the delightful courtyard area of the house - and then on the walk back to the car Millie found a huge cow pat - and rolled in it :) I am now waiting for her to dry (she is banished to the garden) so that I can brush her coat and get the offending faecal matter out! 


In our (my) quest for inner peace (oh - gosh - how deep!) I have explored many things of late. I've been to Church, I've been to counselling, I've read extensiveley - books on all manners of subjects. 

Some have been good and helped a little. Others - not so good.

I know one fundamental thing. I want to be more, do more, learn more.....and most fundamentally - I want to feel good and quiet and still and peaceful inside. 

I have tried meditation (can you imagine me with a still mind..?, thought not), but can't quite seem to get there. 

Yesterday - whilst idly browsing the web I happened across the website for the Buddhist centre here in Sheffield. They teach a course on meditation. The next course starts tonight. At 7.30. So that's where I'll be. 

I think there may be a problem with the sitting cross legged :)

Tuesday 7 September 2010

Not for me

Now Wayne Rooney's been a bad boy. Actually - let's not call him a boy as it kind of trivialises what he's done. Makes him sound too young to be fully responsible for his own actions. And he's not - he's grown man. With a wife and a son. So - when he dropped his pants - can somebody please explain what he was thinking? 

Why do people do that cheating thing? What on earth is it that they're looking for? Excitement? flattery? something a bit different? an escape from the problems that they're having in their relationship? When you take your marriage vows - or express romantic commitment to somebody - why would you then go ahead and have a relationship with somebody else. At what point do you begin to ignore your conscience - and excuse yourself - how do you excuse yourself? How can you possibly make it right within your heart?



Last night it rained. A lot. I could hear a drip, drip, drip - somewhere where it shouldn't have been...if you know what I mean. I think it may be somewhere in the roof. The difficulty with living in a 200+ year old cottage with the original roof is that it probably has a few holes!

I searched everywhere for water coming through - but as yet - haven't been able to find any. I do love the rain - as it washes and cleanses - and brings much needed moisture to the ground - so that we can grow beautiful things and have food to eat. I love walking in the rain - and after about ten years of keeping horses - the rain just doesn't bother me.

However - I don't really want it 'inside' my little house! (Mainly because expensive roof repairs just aren't in my budget right now).

It did make me think though - about renewal - and cleansing - and growth - and all of those kinds of things. (Which - let's face it - is a bit deep for 2.30am).

Now - the sun is out - it's early morning - and there's a lovely lovely rainbow above :)

That makes me think about that line from some random song which I can't remember ... 'after the rain comes the sunshine' - or something.....

How lovely x

Monday 6 September 2010


Today - via the few degrees of separation  - I became friends on FB with the man who writes a blog. He lives on the other side of the Atlantic - and when I looked at his pictures I just knew he had a good heart and a beautiful soul. You can see it in his eyes. It's obvious. It could never be denied.

He has written this post - amongst many others - but this piece is about a love letter from his father to his mother. Please read it. 

That's the kind of love that I'm looking for - and I won't rest until I find it.

Sunday 5 September 2010

Simon says "Can you pass on from's 4 No's"

Last night I watched 'The X factor'. Those of you who know me will know that I love this show - especially the audition stages - which are on at the mo. It causes laughter, tears and sometimes cringing. Never before has it caused me to feel absolute horror! But last night it certainly did. For those of you who missed it - you really need to watch Abby and Lisa's audition.

The very worrying thing is that both these young ladies are probably fertile and will - at some point in the future - mother children (but the pregnancies will probably be the result of some fumbling with a stupid young man who has drunk 17 Stellas and will therefore be wearing extra strength beer goggles) - and be responsible for bringing up those children and teaching them all they need to know :)

Note : check out the size and shape of one of the girls' Mums who is standing backstage wearing a (large) white polo shirt....Jeez!

Does anybody have the phone number for Dr. Barnados?

Saturday 4 September 2010

Afternoon Movie

I just watched 'The Notebook'. It's a lovely film. It's about a truly beautiful love story. At the end I cried, and then I cried some more...and then I cried again :)

It made me laugh......

Yesterday Fiona was telling me about something her son Joshua had said. (He's 19). Somebody asked him if he wanted to do something......and his reply...."I'd rather shit in my hands - and clap"

We'll take that as a 'No' then Josh?

Beautiful New life