Sunday, 29 January 2012

Young couple

Yesterday I was teaching. At the Pool. Doing what we call a 'Discover Scuba Diving' experience. It is exactly what it says on the tin. Not too difficult...not too hazardous..and can be lots of fun. I really like it when the student 'gets it' and loves it and wants to go on and do more.

Yesterday I had a lovely young couple who are engaged to be wed - and wanted to see if Scuba diving was something they could do on honeymoon. (Probably when they're bored of shagging).

The guy was great - got it straight away - and had a huge grin on his face. My work here is done. His fiancee was a whole other matter. She didn't want to be there...had a face like a smacked arse....wouldn't carry her kit (which is heavy) and made hapless boyfriend carry it for her...and did nothing but moan and whinge for the entire two hours. Oh it did make me cross.

So here's a few words of advice for you dear. Try popping a smile on your face. Your husband to be won't be around for too long if you're always mardy. If you don't join in things with a willing heart and a joyous attitude - he'll be running off with somebody altogether more smiley!

I wonder how they'll get on?

(Editor's note - these words of advice were very well thought out by a woman who has managed to lose 3 husbands!!)

Tuesday, 24 January 2012

January Pale Blues

I thought I'd better sit right down and write myself a letter...and make believe it came from you...tum te tum....No, actually I didn't. I was shamed. My dear friend and partner in madness - The wondrous Claire - who writes a blog - and is one of my all-time favourite peeps...has awarded my blog the Leibster Blog award. Regular readers may remember that another dear pal - Ali - awarded it to me last year. It's an award for a blog that is loved (apparently). Anyway - I am very honoured to have been awarded such a thing. It makes it all worthwhile.

I must admit to having been a bit un-communicative of late. I haven't written...I haven't phoned (funnily enough - our Dan has been vexed texting me to say exactly the same thing)..and even my usually sharp and witty tweets have become softened round the edges - and well..I'll say it..a tad DULL.

That's the thing about January though isn't it? It's shit really. Christmas has been and gone - and left behind in its wake a mountain of debt that makes the Eiger look like a pimple on a teenager's bum. The nights are long..the days are cold and most of us are afflicted with a melancholy that knows no bounds. Another year has gone by - and we're still stuck in a shit-hole of a life - another 12 months - another 52 weeks wasted - as we didn't get a single step nearer to our dreams.

I did get nearer to my dreams - I am now doing what I love - but perhaps when sending my dream into the ether I wasn't specific enough. Yes I wanted to teach scuba diving...which I'm doing...but what I actually wanted (but forgot to mention) was that I'd like to do that somewhere tropical - The Maldives? The Seychelles? ...somewhere...but not in a flooded gravel pit in friggin' Peterborough!

I also wished for more male attention - but yet again - lacked specifics. Sadly this has manifested itself in a cute friendship with a young man who has learning difficulties - who has now declared his undying love for me via Facebook - after I spent most of last weekend showing the utmost patience and understanding whilst teaching him to dive in a drysuit. He has now decided - in a very lovely but oh so simple way - that he loves me. The trouble is - he's 19 - and works on a lathe at Remploy. He's truly sweet - but he's not going to be my next MR.

My dear Dan is going off on an adventure soon - trekking across the Sahara..to raise funds for much needed water supplies. Brave Girl she is. I am very proud. To be her Mum. But in my January Blue Phase...I am thinking that I don't deserve such a shiny star as her in my life. I have never done anything to warrant such a mega chic.

Oh yes - I'm learning French too. Oh la la. Why? I have no clue..perhaps because I'm bored in the long evenings. Perhaps because my dream man - when he eventually appears - will be french - and I should be prepared. Who knows? Not me. Je ne sais quoi.

Anyway - only a few more days of January left now - and then we can look forward to Feb 14th. Which will be as much as a non-event this year as it was last.

Meanwhile...I'll just sit here and wait for spring. And for Godot.

Monday, 2 January 2012

A bit sad

This morning I am a bit sad. Not a big bit - just a little bit. Why? The New Year will do that for you I figure. Saying goodbye to the last 12 months...which has been great - and wondering which way life will take me in the next 12 months.

Sad that I don't see my lovely lovely friends and family anywhere near often enough. And sad because I said adieu to our Dan yesterday. I have had a lovely break - but this being the 2nd Christmas that I have been single probably didn't help. Not that I don't want to be single anymore - I actually quite like some aspects of being a Spinster (great word)...but do get a bit lonely from time to time. It would be nice to have somebody to share things with.

Yesterday afternoon we went for coffee - en famille. The subject of my hapless love life came up - much to the amusement of everybody - me included. My Auntie said something witty - and it hurt. I can't even remember what she said. I had to leave. The Table. And go to the ladies powder room and have a little cry. I didn't cry for long - only a couple of drops. Then I returned to the table all bright-eyed and bushy tailed. I didn't want to her think that she had upset me - or she would have been mortified...and anyway, I couldn't have explained what it was that I was upset about.

But her comments stung. Really.

I am crap at the love-life thingy. Really I am. I may just get a cat.

Sunday, 1 January 2012

Happy New Year

It's here then. 2012. Full of promise and exciting possibilities. I will probably be spending most it on remand for murder if Dear Mother doesn't stop making a bloody racket in the kitchen. It's 7am and she's clearing out the Christmas Fridge. I am very glad that I'm going back to Whit tomorrow. Ten days is about as much as anybody can take...(I know - I did three months last year - but desperate times require desperate bunking up at Mother's)...Never...Ever...Again.

I've had a brillzoid Christmas with dear Family and dear Friends. Have spent quality time with luscious daughter....the divine Mrs Smith....the wondrous Mrs Morris - including a very stressful half hour when I failed to rouse Mother from slumber and we almost called the fire brigade...almost...but not quite....and that following a few drinkies and a curry.

I spent a cracking evening with the Briddons - where the amazing Victoria cooked lovely food - and the children were delightful and the company was very much funnikins and the laughter was lots and lots :)

I also had a lovely lunch with the Billster. Gentleman of great wit and charisma..who I love dearly. Sadly he was having probs of the romantic nature...so I advised and comforted (I think) and encouraged and reminded him just how wonderful he is. He'll sort it - he's a clever chap.

I made a quick visit to my favourite clothes shop yesterday and bought one or two items of splendour. It's cheap - but stylish...a bit like me really!

Tomorrow I'm going back to Whit - but have a dinner appointment with a Gentleman Caller. It's not somebody I've met - he's a twitter friend. But - he makes me laugh and seems to be quite bright and shiny. So..we'll see what (if anthing) develops. Mind you...seeing as he's just got back from a week away with another Lady - I don't think Romance will be on his mind. Which is a shame - perhaps 2012 will be another man-free year for me.

So - quick backwards glance at 2011...

Spent most of the year with cracking people (I am blessed)...end of April saw me running away to Malta for the Summer to work with the fabulous Martin Stanhope and Julian Doyle - learning diving skills and teaching skills and getting a tan - and catching the eye of a 35 year old (ooh - get her!)....and generally having a wonderful time - it was a blast - and I will never EVER forget last Summer. August saw me returning back to the UK to do an intensive course and pass some difficult exams to qualify as a Scuba Diving Instructor. What a day that was! Proud? I'll say.

The Autumn months saw me staying in Peterborough and learning more about my chosen trade - under the watchful eye of the wonderful Lynn Smith - my mentor - and a true Dame!

Last year brought no romance..no gentlemanly dalliances...no snogging whatsoever...but much, much fun and laughter...much learning...and much happiness.

Here's to 2012 x