Oh How I laughed :)
Friday 30 January 2009
I've just read Dan's blog and it would appear that somebody in her life is being a bit of a twit with her. Reading between the lines I am assuming it's her fella. Now, I quite like him - which is a bit of a result - as any parent of any daughter will know that anybody who turns up without a white horse and a huge fairytale castle isn't quite going to make the grade...(Christian - please note! - you will need that information in due course for Alice and Amelia), however I'm not going to be enamoured with somebody who isn't treating my Princess properly - am I? Dan is a very level headed girl - easy going - and she puts up with a lot! So for her to express her frustration on her blog means that she is well and truly pissed off!!!
So here's a message for her - and for anybody else out there who is frustrated with their significant other. (This information is reproduced by kind permission of her Dad who told it to me about six months ago).
There are about 60 million people in the UK. Half of them are male. Let's say a third of them are married, that leaves 20 Million menfolk. Imagine that 3/4 of them are too old or too young for you. We're now down to 5 million. Let's say that only 5% of them live within your geographical area - that's 250,000. (For Dan at 19 - her geographical area should be within 30 miles of where she lives - as you get older your area increases - 45 year old women are prepared to go as far as 400 miles for a decent bloke!) Let's say half of them are complete mingers - the type you wouldn't touch with somebody else's barge pole! That leaves 125,000.
If we're being really picky and we have a long tick list - let's discount 80 % of those - that then leaves us a grand total of 25,000 blokes that she could possibly search through to find a boyfriend. I think she might just find a few dates amongst that lot don't you?
So - the moral of the story is this - at 19 - when you're as fab as she is - and her boyfriend is treating her in a crap way - GO OUT AND FIND ANOTHER ONE - who will treat you like the Princess Shiny Diamond that you are xx
Thursday 29 January 2009
I am looking forward to a great weekend. Friday night I am off to GBK for the first time in ages - being totally in love with food that is a real treat for me :) I can hardly wait...Giddy!!!
On Saturday I'm going to finally buy some new jeans as my favourite ones suffered a massive rip when I bent down last weekend (Big bum?)...
...and then I have something really fab planned for Sunday. A completely 'self-indulgent lazy do-nothing except for the very things I want to do' day. And I'm sharing that day with somebody very, very special.
Fab, fab, fab xx
Wednesday 28 January 2009
...never boils - or so we're told! This morning I am busily processing and burning DVDs - which on a Mac is quite easy and straightforward - if rather time consuming. However, me being me (control freak?) I cannot just walk away and let the machine get on with it. The movies are about an hour long and movie encoding happens in real time (more or less) so each dvd needs a minimum of an hour.
There's a lot I could do with an hour - shower, do my hair, get my slap on (scaffolding?), walk the dog, go to the supermarket, etc etc - but I cannot bear to leave the machine unattended. My Mac has never given me a problem while burning DVDs - but even so - sod's law dictates that if I went to get in the shower you can guarantee that it would crash or some catastrophe would happen.
Talking of Sod's law - apparently (or so I'm reliably informed by somebody brainy who has a science degree) buttered toast doesn't always fall buttered side down....(it does in Tracy's World) ...according to science - it's quite random how it will fall!!! Fancy that!
My lovely God-daughter Amelia had her first birthday party on Sunday. Here's a nice picture of Tim (the Godfather) holding Amelia with me in the background fiddling with the camera. If you want to see a full report of the day go here and if you want to see a full set of photographs - then click here.
Monday 26 January 2009
Saturday 24 January 2009
I have decided - (not casually you understand - but after many years of experience and a great deal of thought) - that Champagne is the Devil's own brew. When I drink my usual tipple which is Gin and Tonic (Bombay Sapphire please! - which in case you didn't know is 'vapour enfused with ten exotic botanicals') the next morning I am fine. I occasionally have the threat of a headache - but that's quickly moved along by the ministrations of two nurofen and some strong coffee. Also - when I drink G&T I know when to stop - and I can handle quite large quantities without feeling too many adverse effects. Absolutely no dancing about with my knickers on my head with the old mother's ruin. Also the effects of G&T come on quite slowly so I am able to pace myself and take things steady.
However - DOB is a completely different matter. DOB hits you all of a sudden with great force. One minute you're fine - laughing in a tinkly way - having fun and being quite ebullient and effervescent - giggling and being adorable to all in the vicinity. Then the devil spots you from down there and throws in a curved ball. Your tongue becomes larger in your mouth which affects your power of speech. (later - he removes the power of speech from you altogether and replaces it with some slimy whispering and the odd bit of mumbling) He ties your ankles together (no- not in THAT kind of way) which mean that when you want to totter off to the ladies room and powder your nose - appearing to waft through the thronged masses looking devastatingly attractive and making heads turn - you in fact resemble a knackered old paraplegic with a ridiculous twisted manic grin on your face. (which - let's face it - is not a good look). Of course - in your own sozzled by champers brain you're still looking fab and doing all the right things - it's just that to everybody else you look like somebody to be avoided at all costs, no matter what.
At some point you lose all sense of economic reason and are quite prepared to spend a couple of hundred quid just to keep the drink flowing - (Champagne is not cheap - especially not in Surbiton) and you would even be prepared to spend more on cabs up to London town if anybody suggested a nightclub or a curry...makes no difference that you will have no money for food for the rest of the month - it's friday night - you're having a ball - and who needs food anyway?
Your speech becomes louder and less coherent, your mannerisms grow a mind of their own and become exaggerated and deformed - and your appearance? Well - all I can say is that I never saw the hedges that I clearly was dragged through. I thought (really) that my lipstick was on straight - honestly I did. Fortunately I have little memory of anything I may have said to anybody post ten o'clock - but in the foggy recesses of my memory I seem to remember chatting to two electricity salesmen from up north prior to that time - and I think the conversation was along the lines of a heated debate concerning the merits and virtues of Barrack Obama as opposed to Bill Clinton - (I did not have sexual relations with that woman). That must have been a great conversation to overhear seeing as I know nothing about US politics! Knowing me I would have been talking with great confidence and babbling on regardless. I have found a business card of one of the chaps in my pocket this morning - but you can rest assured that I have consigned it to the waste bin, and will not be calling! Can you imagine that call..."Hi, it's Tracy - we met the other night in Surbiton...I was the girl who threatened to stab you in the eye with a spanner if you put your hand on my backside one more time, and then kept poking my fingers up your nose because I imagined some fluff up there...you must remember me - we were singing "Four and twenty Virgins" and then I fell over the sofa"...classy!
Luckily for me the group of boys and girls I was with had all imbibed similar quantities of DOB (there were twelve of us and we had about ten bottles all together) so we were all in a similar state - but as for the rest of the patrons and the general public - I beg total forgiveness from them and anybody else who may / may not have seen me.
I have to say though - I had a awful lot of fun - much much merriment and laughter (My face is still hurting from laughing) but I'm not sure that it was enough fun to justify the dreadful way I feel this morning!!! The one saving grace is that nobody had a camera with them so photographs will not be appearing in the celebrity (or otherwise) gossip column of next week's "Heat" magazine!!!!
Friday 23 January 2009
My Grandma's funeral wasn't quite as upsetting as it could have been. The song choice shook me a bit - Stevie Wonder singing "I just called to say I love you" which was mine and my Mum's song when I was posted overseas in the army - so that made us both cry.
In the pub afterward we looked at loads of photographs from years gone by - including one of me wearing my Army Uniform on the day I passed out of basic training (I will scan it and post it on here in a few days...unless you pay me not to!)......that was a hit with a friend who has a thing about girls in uniform - but that's quite common isn't it?...having a thing about girls in uniform....and when I say 'common' I don't mean common as in 'shops in Lidl' - I mean 'common' as in usual) and then a few of me in the late eighties and early nineties - bizarre 'funky' bad hair and HUGE shoulder pads - ugh - what were we thinking? Mind you I had no wrinkles or bags under my eyes in those days!!! Loads of pictures of Dan when she was a chubby babba, and then a few of the old school pictures.
It was nice to remember and nice to say a fond farewell to Nana Winnie.
Thursday 22 January 2009
Okay - let's look at some alternative things. I was idle earlier and spent some time on Google. Now, when you go trawling round Google - the most bizarre things spring to mind and I go looking at all kinds of things. Today's subject was 'cross-dressing'. Now, I have no idea why that came to mind - but it did - and very interesting it is too. There are dating websites for cross-dressers - although I'm not sure if that's a service for other cross- dressers or just for us ordinary mortals to find someone funky to go to the pub with. Mind you I wouldn't really want to step up to a bar with either of those two pictured and ask for two large G&Ts. Adult cross dressing led to 'dressing up' and did you know that some people like to dress up as babies?....each to their own but I think I personally would struggle with wearing a nappy - how about you?
There are all kinds of products available - stick on boobs, wigs, self-adhesive nipples, make-up etc etc and in some of the catalogue pictures the guys look really good - mind you saying that we tend to have an image of guys in women's clothes that only their mothers would wear - crimplene dresses and flat, frumpy shoes and so on....
My personal opinion is quite relaxed about this - if it feel good and you're not hurting anybody - then "why on earth not?" is what I say.
If there are any guys out there who would like help and / or advice with clothes shopping, make-up tips - or boob / nipple placement - please feel free to just ask!!! I'll help in any way I can.
I wonder what I'll be researching tomorrow?
Tuesday 20 January 2009
I have a friend who's a bit of an eco-warrior. Not in any kind of grungy, long hair with dreadlocks, doesn't wash, climbs trees and hugs them, wears hand knitted jumpers made from hemp kind of way - but in a mild, re-cycle bin, sorts coloured from clear glass, has Tesco bag-for-life kind of way. The fact that he drives about 500 miles each week in a turbo diesel BMW is irrelevant (he can't walk to where he's going - can he?) - and when I think about it I can hardly comment on that while I am driving my big three ton 'Yorkie bars aren't for girls' truck around Surrey - now can I?
On Sunday we went for food in London at an 'Organic' establishment. This made me feel quite peculiar - brown re-cycled paper knapkins - and food sourced from fair trade producers - yaddah yaddah yaddah. I also had to pass comment (you - pass comment - no! - you're kidding?) on how pale and ill and whispy the rest of the patrons looked. One gust of wind and they would all collapse, and be blown away!
There was a lady sitting near us with a little girl - the lady was eating sushi and the child was munching her way through some raisins, and bits of veg and stuff. (I know she would have killed for a Big Mac and fries!)
I think it must just be me - but vegetarian and organic types always look a bit miserable (as if there are too many rules to adhere to) and my instinct is to fatten them up with red meat, feed them some chips, and give them a few glasses of champagne - then take them to a casino followed by a nice visit to a whore house!
I suppose (due to copious amounts of peer pressure) that eventually I too will become the kind of person who re-cyles, eats organic and is aware of my carbon footprint - but somehow I don't think it will be any time soon!!!
Not really - not my navel - let's face it - that's not a very interesting thing to contemplate is it? Maybe a bit of fluff in there from time to time - but there has to be far more interesting things to think about - wouldn't you say?
We (I mean the royal 'we') are in the process of contemplation though. A funeral will usually do that for me. Makes you think hard about your own life and where it's going? what's happening?, how you would like it to be (in an ideal world - and wouldn't we all like to live in one of those?), what's working and what's not working? and how it actually is at the present time.
I have written my bucket list - but that doesn't really work for the day-to-day stuff - those things are okay for odd moments of sheer delight, and fanciful goals which keep you going when the ceiling is crashing in - but the Monday to Sunday stuff is a tad more mundane - don't you think?
So what's important in the middle of a dull, chilly, damp January (which has to be the crappest month of the year - let's hear it for April, May June and July!)
Hmmm - more fluff - contemplation happening..........
1. Health - Look after it wisely - you never know when you may need it!! Eat well, sleep enough, exercise - and have a few drinks!
2. Wealth - Interesting concept - is it money? or is it a feeling?
3. Friends - The good ones can be counted on the fingers of one hand. They come and go, but there's always more to be met. Always be your own best friend.
4. Lovers - Find one that treats you well. Never short change yourself. Allow them to treat you like a Princess Shiny Diamond - and love them equally in return. Make sure they have respect, honour and integrity...at least some of the time - and always remember - nobody is perfect - all of the time!
5. Animals - a certain requirement for me - calming, loyal, loving, friendly,and comforting. Spending time with animals keeps me grounded (somewhat!)
6. Laughter - totally important - a 'must-have' for every day. As many times as possible - and the first person to laugh at - before anyone else - is yourself. Only laugh at others if they would share the joke with you.
7. Understand that life is fluid and it changes constantly. What feels bad today may well be gone tomorrow. Likewise - what feels good today - may also be gone. Celebrate the good and work on the bad - but nothing stays the same - and that's a good thing - a very good thing! Never despair and think that 'this is it for life'. It won't be.
8. Love - surround yourself with it in all its forms and manifestations. Receive it from others gratefully, and never take it for granted - but - first and foremost - look in the mirror and be totally loving towards yourself. When somebody tells you that they love you - say 'Thank-you". It's the very best gift. Tell yourself 'I Love you' at least ten times each and every day, and if you have Children - or a significant other - or a parent - or a dear friend - tell them too. They may not be here to tell next week.
9. Be grateful for all that you have. We are lucky to have our freedom, the freedom to say what we think, to believe what we believe - to go where we go and to do what we do. We have choices and options. Many do not. Be grateful for that.
10. Finally - when all around you is falling apart and you think you can't take any more - eat a massive cream bun, drink a glass of gin and have an early night. Things always look better in the morning.
Monday 19 January 2009
Well - I have had a lovely weekend - that is if you discount the hip injury. When I say 'hip' I mean the location of the injury - not the style of it. "Wow, that's a hip injury you've got there!"....."Why, thank you - you say the nicest things!"
No - I injured my hip whilst out running - it's not really running a such - more of a middle aged shuffling with the odd spurt of speed every now and again - and it was during one of the odd spurts of speed that I felt something 'go', and now am left limping and in some considerable discomfort!!! I probably need to put my name down on the NHS waiting list for a hip replacement - or maybe I just need to put my feet up!
Putting the HI aside - I've had a lovely time - I went to Banbury on Friday and have just returned home now! (Dirty stop out!) Yesterday we went to the Royal Albert Hall to see Cirque de Soleil which was spectacular to say the least. I really enjoyed it and would certainly recommend it to anyone. All of it was excellent and I would be hard pushed to say what was my favourite bit. Of course - who you are with makes a big difference and I was with some fab folks!
I also went out to dinner on Saturday night to celebrate a young man's birthday. A very nice young man at that.
On Saturday I bought some of this expecting it to be a new taste sensation - but alas - it just tasted like ordinary dark chocolate. That was a bit of a disappointment.
Now I just have loads of unpacking and laundry to do :(
Friday 16 January 2009
My Grandmother's funeral this coming week will involve meeting up with some relatives. I'm not going to mention any names or familial links - as I don't really want to identify anyone in particular - but it has made me think about the phrase .."you can pick your friends but you don't get to pick your family members"...
There is one member of my family who is a bit of a let-down. Actually - that's an understatement - in fact if I were to be brutally honest 'let-down' doesn't go half-way to accurately describing them. All my life I have wanted this person to 'step-up' and do the right thing - and all my life I have been disappointed. So....what's to do? Do you let the person know how you feel? or - do you accept things the way they are and graciously say nothing? Do I have the right to make my feelings known - or - just leave it alone? Recently this particular person did something that has staggered everyone who knows them - and I was simply left speechless (and that's practically impossible!) and aghast at their behaviour.
I am very fortunate in the fact that the rest of my family are lovely - and I have all the time in the world for all of them - so one bad apple in the barrel isn't that bad I don't suppose.
Bit disappointing though.
Our drive is very long and very steep. I have to drag the wheely bins up it about once a fortnight and it nearly kills me every time (Last week I loaded them into the back of my truck and drove them up there!). One of my bins didn't get emptied, so I left it up there for the entire week. Apparently this has annoyed one of our pensioner neighbours and last night I was just in time to see him taking my bin and putting it behind the wall of another nearby house (which is empty).
Obviously (!) I asked him what he was doing - and a rather warm discussion ensued (note - not a 'heated' discussion - just a bit 'warm').
I once had an episode in Sheffield with a neighbour to do with wheely-bins and my preferred solution was to hide inside his bin and jump out on him - thereby causing a coronary and teaching him the lesson of his life! (I didn't actually do this - it was just my over active imagination together with my love of quirky revenge tactics which prompted my mind to envisage such a scenario - but wouldn't it have been great?)
It must just be me - but why would anybody a) get upset about where a wheely bin is left for a few days, and b) summon up the energy to move it to another location. I've said it before and I'll say it again - these pensioners have too much time on their hands - we should put them to work doing something useful - like sorting the re-cycling!!! (....and that's a subject for another day - eco warriors please note!)
So....what's been happening? Well I've been a tad busy this week as I have finally found some paid work to do - at last! It's very nice to be back in the land of 'those who earn a living' as this means that 'those who re-possess' won't be knocking any time soon!!! (Phew!) I have to admit to becoming a bit bored of late - too much time and not enough to do is often a recipe for trouble as far as I'm concerned....I have a tendency to pick at things and over-analyse!!! (Who? you? never!)
Sadly my Grandmother died - I have many happy childhood memories of her - so a trip up north next week for her funeral at the beginning of next week - sad :(
Today I'm off for the weekend which should be fab - it includes a trip to the Royal Albert Hall on Sunday to see this which I'm very excited about - and the rest of the weekend will involve spending time with some lovely people, which is always a pleasure. There will be nice food, some wine (hopefully), great conversation and much much more!
I have also spent time with friends this week - which is always a great pleasure. I am blessed with having more than my fair share of lovely friends and I love to see them. Last night I was given some very good advice from a dear friend and I shall be acting upon that advice today!
Oh yes - I also ordered some books from Amazon yesterday - including a copy of this which is a truly lovely tale - a great life book - if you have a spare few hours - I suggest you read it!
That's all for now .........
Tuesday 13 January 2009
Today I've been chatting to my Uncle Nick. I say Uncle but he's more like a brother as he's the same age as me - well a couple of years older but at our age that hardly counts....
Anyway - years ago he went to Tapton school in Sheffield along with the founder members of Def Leppard (greatest british rock band ever!) - and what's more they used to use the basement in my Grandma's house for band practice!!!
Go here to see the details (his name is Nick Mackley) - I could have been related to a mega star!!!!
I love these tenuous links to fame!!!
Wednesday 7 January 2009
Today I heard some very sad news. A lovely rogue-ish gentleman that I used to work for is very poorly with end stage cancer. I worked for this man for about two years - and I wouldn't say that his business dealings were all that straight! They weren't exactly bent either - more 'curved'! That would probably be the most polite way of putting it! When I worked for him we used to spend most of every day laughing in a very childish way at something or other. He was the best fun to be around. He's a lovely guy with a great sense of humour - and a very old fashioned sense of honour.
Whenever I think of him a big smile comes across my face - I just can't help it - it's how he makes me feel. He's far too young and far too nice to be leaving us.
I am extremely sad.
Today I had three deliveries. How very exciting!! I love it when a big white van tootles down our drive and a man with a parcel knocks on my door (is it just me or does that sound like a line from a 'Carry on...' film?...ooo'eer Missus!! ).
Anyway the deliveries were expected as I have been a good girl for not smoking - but then discovered that my usual coffee didn't have enough 'bite' (changing taste buds?) - so as a reward I have been treated to a Nespresso machine!!! It's very cool as gadgets go - easy to use (which is good as I have already lost the manual) and makes very good coffee - it has a milk
frother - but you need full fat milk to get the best 'foamy' effect. So far I've had about 5 cups and am feeling a bit twitchy and hyper :)
The second delivery was a lovely bunch of cream roses - especially for Princess Shiny Diamond from a lovely gentleman (aaah - how we adore the romantic gestures).
Lastly - my third delivery - now how do I tell you about this product in a delicate manner? The simple answer is that I can't - so if you really want to know what the third delivery was I think you'd better 'phone and ask me!!!
All in all a good day for me and 'stuff' I think!!!
Tuesday 6 January 2009
Tonight I got whisked to Hampton Court (beautiful Historic house) for a spot of Ice Skating. I haven't been on blades since I was about 16 - when I used to cut quite a dash down at Silver Blades in Sheffield with Lisa Roseby and Jayne Wilkinson - we only went for the boys - but for the boys to notice you - you needed to be really good on your skates - I snogged a few boys behind the disco booth let me tell you!!!
Anyway I was delighted to discover that just like riding a bike - the skills of ice skating soon come flooding back. I was wearing hockey blades which only have the one edge on the blade - unlike figure skates which have two - so the experience was somewhat different - but within minutes I was doing okay! I did take a small tumble which has resulted in a minor haematoma on my hand - but as I'm not a whinger I won't say too much about how it hurts!! Dan's dad wasn't so good but he tried his best (bless him) and he managed a full twenty minutes without falling over once!!!
It was great fun and something I should perhaps do again soon. I would give the experience a score of 7 out of 10 - with an extra point added for the delicious hot dog and hot chocolate that we ate / drank afterwards!
Monday 5 January 2009
What's that all about? Princess what? Princess Shiny Diamond of course....doh! So? explain please......
Okay - you asked for it. Princess Shiny Diamond is a woman who knows her value. She sees her own inner and outer beauty and understands its power. She is graceful and kind, gentle and strong. She has many great friends and is very popular. She is wise and knows how things in the world work. She understands people and what makes them tick (both in good and bad ways) She is quick to forgive - once - but don't do the same thing again!!
She is funny and witty and bright and shiny and fabulously beautiful and courageous and brave - yet vulnerable and tender and loving - she has a huge heart. She is a great friend and a wonderful mother, she makes the best partner any man could ever wish for - sexy - funny - vibrant and loving. She gives her all in everything she does.
She has many skills and facets - all of which should be celebrated. She is multi-talented and can multi task to a level that will surprise you!!
She laughs loud and long, and can cry for you or with you at the drop of a hat.
If there is a Princess Shiny Diamond in your life you will know it - and please celebrate that fact - take good care of her - cherish and adore her - and she will always be there just for you.
Princess Shiny Diamond Girls are as precious as their namesake - and should be treated with as much reverence and care.
If you treat a Princess Shiny Diamond in anything other than the best way - she will turn and walk away - and you won't ever get the chance to get her back.
In case you were wondering who these girls are - you will probably know one or two - mind you - they are quite rare - and quite difficult to locate - that's why it's so very important to look after them properly because you might never find another! Just like a true Diamond, Princess Shiny Diamond girls are all unique and individual and when held up to the light shine so very very brightly.
So - Princess Shiny Diamond girls are shiny, rare, precious, extremely beautiful and very very valuable. If you have one then you are extremely fortunate indeed.
Sunday 4 January 2009
Well - that's it then - all over for another year!!! I can hear you all breathing a huge sigh of relief and and also hear the cogs turning as you wonder when the local council are finally coming round to empty your wheely bins? You could always nip to Tesco and do a spot of re-cycling if you're feeling that way inclined? No? - me neither!!!
I have just returned from the Suffolk seaside where I spent a fab four days with someone lovely and had a very nice time indeed - including a posh evening wearing long frock and dinner suit (him - not me - well me in the frock - him in the dinner suit - mind you - perhaps a swap would have been fun?) - also included were some lovely walks on the beach, a spot of kite flying (wind was a bit lacking - but quite funny watching a grown man attempting to get a kite airborne without anything registering on the beaufort scale) - fish and chips - a great kitchen/wine shop, some lovely dinners and much much more...including a great pie shop - the products of which have just been enjoyed this very afternoon.
While I was away a product that I ordered on t'internet arrived - which made me and one other very happy indeed - and some more things have been ordered - including a new coffee machine - which is my reward for stopping smoking :) I can't wait to give that a go!
Yesterday we went up to 'Town' to go to the Natural History Museum - another tick then on my bucket list. Also a saunter around Harrods - which included spending a small fortune on handmade chocolates (yum yum), a lovely lunch, and sadly, a breakage (which didn't have to be paid for) in the homewares department!!! (Daft Bat).
The New Year always brings new challenges and opportunities - which for me this year includes the beginning of a search for gainful employment. I have been 'resting' now for long enough (4 months at the last count) and now my bank balance is depleted - a return to the world of work is inevitable I'm afraid. Fortunately over the years I have amassed a wealth of experience in various different roles - so finding something suitable shouldn't be too difficult. If anybody knows of any jobs paying £50K plus - for working about fifteen hours a week - could they let me know?!!!
I like the New Year as it is a time for making changes, reviewing past performance, saying goodbye to some things, and welcoming the new.
My new year resolutions include.........no more nicotine (ever), no more swearing (It shows a lack of command of the language, don't you think?), more fun, more exercise (groan), more time with friends, to do more dressage competitions, more reading, more learning (perhaps the piano? - or another language?) and of course - more of being a lovely shiny diamond !!!
I have a feeling that 2009 may well be a great year for me - and I hope that is for you too xxx
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