Sunday 29 April 2007

A Bit Better

Today (no-smoking day three) has been a bit better. I am beginning to eat more stuff out of the fridge (today 7 'laughing cow' cheese triangles). My Mood has improved, the madness is still there but now it's a happy madness - yesterday I was beginning to scare Dan!!!!

I have discovered that if I have a hot drink with me I can resisit the urge to eat stuff. I have always had a real thing about fat people (as those of you who know me well will already know - my mantra is "eat less - do more"...) and I really don't want to become one, not now anyway.

I know this sounds really daft but I have got loads of extra energy from somewhere. I don't know if it's the not smoking or the running but I'm just not getting tired like I usually do. Wierd - huh?

The cravings are nowhere near as bad as yesterday. I understand that by day 6 they have all but passed - we'll see!!!

Tomorrow I'm going to Sheffield on the train to collect my little Ford KA which has been living with my friend Gary since I moved to Surrey. But now it's going to be Dan's car - so it needs bringing to Surrey. That'll be the first time ever I have driven anywhere for over half an hour and not smoked!!!! About 4 hrs on the M1 and M25 and no smoking - aaaaaaaaaargh!!!

Saturday 28 April 2007

Day two - and it's not going well.

Oh My goodness - the nicotine free world of Tracy has gone completely mad. So far today we have had tears - twice - both times from me. Dan has told me to go and buy a packet of fags because she can't stand another minute of it - she even lent me the money - but "NO", "NO" and thrice "NO" I said - I have managed over 36 hours - I'm not giving up mind has been taken over by a kind of wierd madness, as if I'm on some kind of hallucinogenic drug, and I have slightly lost my grip on reality.

I have had my "ride with your mind" riding lesson today also - which bearing in mind the present state of my mind was somewhat over hopeful!!! I did enjoy it immensely and for the first time ever was able to 'plug in' my seatbones and enjoy a deeper seat (what? seat-bones? plug-in? deeper seat?)'s all technical riding stuff. I know that you all think that we just sit on the neddies and go - but no, it's actually a lot more precise than that, and there's always loads more stuff to learn. It's all about bio-mechanics and physics......ooooer. You have to visualise and relax and practise a lot of core strength and bearing down!!!!! Bit like giving birth!!!

Anyway - since then we've been supermarket shopping and I managed that without murdering anybody - despite the supermarket being overrun with pensioners and toddlers - I think that's rather commendable considering I haven't had a fag since Thursday night. (mind you I did snarl at some old git in the car-park who looked at me funny because I was having difficulty parking the Range Rover straight. It's a good job he left when he did or I would have run the bastard over - no doubt at all!!!) People tell me that the first few days are the worse, well I have felt rage today akin to when Christian took my door off...and he knows what that means.

Ooooh - I nearly forgot - the running is going well too. Third run this morning at 6.15am. ran for twenty minutes - which sounds pathetic - but I'm following a strict training programme and it's only week one!!!

I'm praying for a better day tomorrow- and I'm sure that Dan is!!!

Snap Snap Snap

After 2 days of not-smoking we're at breaking point. I nearly had a fight with the blacksmith last night - (don't even ask me what about - suffice to say he'a a pillock and I'm right), this morning I have abandoned my child at the stables and come home to be on my own because I cannot stand another minute of it!!!!, and so on. Clearly nicotine is an evil poison that affects your mood the moment you are deprived of it. I know that I'm being horrible and moody, and snappy, but I actually don't want to stop, re-think, and behave myself. If I have to suffer these godawful nicotine cravings, than EVEYONE ELSE can suffer them with me!!!! HA HA HA HA HA HA

Friday 27 April 2007

Marathon weekend update

I said I'd let you know how we all got on at the London Marathon. We had a great day. Stephen completed the race in a respectable 5 hours plus something (can't remember) which is way outside his PB but it was very very warm - about 28 deg C - which is July temperatures - in April (Global warming - the ice caps are melting - hope you can all swim!) The atmosphere was fabulous and we had a really lovely time.

We then went to Michel's house in Kilburn for a birthday party / buffet as it was Stephen's birthday - and we had cake and a sing-song. I met some great people and had a lot of fun.

Late in the evening we came home via the tube and the train again - which the old ladies coped with very well indeed.

Then we went to bed.

The next day the travelling masseur came to help with the marathon recovery but Stephen wasn't here yet so I had to have the massage instead - and very fantastic it was too.

Then we went to Wisley Gardens for lunch and a walk round.

Then they all went back up north, and I had a sit down.

So, how's the no-smoking thing going then?

Well the reason I'm up and writing this at 5.52am is the cravings!!! I'm dying for a fag (pardon the pun). Yesterday I made the grave error of telling my dear friend Nicola that I was going to stop smoking. Nicola is very health conscious and we've been friends for about a year - during which time she has bravely put up with me smoking in her presence (urgh). She always walks up and down the stairs to the 3rd floor whereas EVERYBODY else gets the lift. She made me give her my cigarette tin and all the lighters I could find for safekeeping (I think she'll probably burn them, or sell them on e-bay). Well, no, that's not strictly true, she didn't make me. I gave them to her voluntarily knowing full well that once I had done so there would be no way on earth I could ever get them back - short of maybe an imminent nuclear explosion, in which case I think Nicola may capitulate and decide I could have a fag in my last two minutes, before being blasted to hell.

That was at 11am yesterday and I haven't had a fag since. I went to Holland & Barrett and got some 'Craving Essence', Magnesium and Calcium, Antioxidant, NAC, and Vit B complex, all of which should help my recovery (the lady in the shop called it 'recovery' - made me feel a bit like Pete Docherty - but better looking).

I also ordered a ladies running watch which should arrive today as I've paid the extra for next day delivery....I can afford to do that now I've stopped smoking!!!.

I have some tobacco products in the house and I think I should throw them away. I've always got some in because there's nothing worse than not having anything to smoke. But I'm not strong enough to resist the temptation and if I'm stopping, I'm stopping...right? So I'm not ever going to need tobacco products again, am I?

Oh yes - I also bought some twinings Green Tea with Cranberries (I'll be bloody driving a 1965 camper van next and not brushing my hair!) which tastes like crap, and we're doing a full nicotene, caffeine detox together. I've got a headache...but I wasn't as tired last night as I usually am.

I went to sleep listening to hypnotherapy CD no 2 which is about non-smoking.

If I manage this I will of course become one of those dreadful ex-smokers who turns their nose up at the mere sight of someone having a fag. And there will be no smoking in my home under any circumstances whatsoever!!!!

Thursday 26 April 2007

Paula Radcliffe better watch out!!!

The Marathon training (don't laugh) is going well!!! I've found a website specifically designed for folks who have not run in over 20 plus years to begin gradually!!! This week (week one) we are doing 20mins jogging every other day - if you stop and walk you have to make the time up. I was jogging by 6.10am on Tuesday and again this morning. Apparently the slower you build it up the better (that suits me then!). You have to build muscle and bone strength very gradually - all this is a bit of a relief as I figured I would have to start with some henious distance like 5 miles or something daft!!! - and that would never have happened.

I have sneaked a look at what I should be doing in about 6 weeks time and it all looks a bit scarey!!! But - we'll see!!!

It does make me feel a bit sanctimonious that I am up and running at 6.15am when most other folk are still zzzzzzzing!!!

Tuesday 24 April 2007

Inspired by others to do mad mad things

Regular readers will know that I spent Sunday up in "town" supporting my dearest cousin Stephen in the London Marathon on his 60th birthday. It was very hot and everyone did really well. Three people from our office also ran and finished with very good times. The atmosphere was brilliant and we really enjoyed the day. Soon it is to become illegal to smoke in public places here in the UK. That is just the incentive I need to try and quit. (I do not want to be a social pariah standing on street corners and around the back of buildings having a fag!) this makes sense.......why not replace smoking with running? (no comments from anyone who has ever seen my legs, Christian!).

Last year I bought the running shoes and some natty little lycra shorts and a rather racey little running vest, and we have a huge treadmill here in the garage, so this morning I was up at 6am and running by 6.15. I managed 2.2K in 30 minutes without stopping once. I know that's pretty crap - but for me it's absolutely amazing!!!

I have been reading a few running websites and have a programme to follow - so that's that then. In a few weeks I should have stopped with the evil weed and be comfortably doing 5K without stopping.

I may even sign up for next year's London Marathon - now wouldn't that be something!!!! If I do, and I manage to get a place - I expect ALL of my loyal blog readers to make the trip to St James Park to cheer me over the finish line - it's the least you can do!!!!

She Passed!!!

I am please, nay thrilled, to announce that at just after ten thirty this morning Danielle finally passed her driving test!!!!!

It doesn't matter how many times she had to take it to pass, I am, without doubt, the proudest Mum on the whole planet.

It's a sure sign that she's almost a grown-up!

Sunday 22 April 2007

The Twirlies are here!

What's a twirlie? A twirlie is a pensioner!!! We call them that because they are frequently to be overheard saying (read it out loud) ..."I can't get the bus before 9.30 because it twirlie to use my bus pass".

They arrived yesterday afternoon. I picked them up from the station and brought them home. They had a cup of coffee and then we went to see the horses. There are about 5 dogs on our yard who are all really lovely and greet visitors very affectionately and enthusiastically. But the twirlies don't like dogs...well, they do but I think they're a bit scared! Last night I took them out to dinner and caught up on all the family gossip.

Today I've got to get them all up to St James Park in Central London to watch the finish line of the Marathon...that means using the tube - yikes...that's going to be a bit tricky!!! I would take the car - but London will be a veritable nightmare today - roads closed etc etc

They've been here less than 24 hours and I'm exhausted already!!!

Friday 20 April 2007

Get set for the weekend

Cousin Stephen arrived in England yesterday for Sunday's London Marathon. My Mum, Auntie Antoinette (Stephen's Mum - aged 80+) and Auntie Catherine are arriving tomorrow afternoon. Bless them - they have to negotiate the tube in London so that they can get to Waterloo to get the Weybridge train. We're especially pleased because they have promised to cook pasta (they're all italian you see)!!!

On Sunday we're heading up to London to see the end of the marathon and meet Stephen at the finish, then off out for dinner.

On Monday I have arranged a Physio to come to the house with collapsable massage table to perform deep tissue massage to Stephen's little old legs (and no doubt, back, shoulders, pelvis, head, etc etc) There should be plenty of moaning and groaning, wailing and gnashing of teeth.

I'll let you know how we all get on!!!!

Tuesday 17 April 2007

What we do at weekends!

Sunday was a scorcher - a fantastic 28 degrees C here in Surrey - and off we went to a Cross Country competition. Dan and Bugsy did really well.

Here they are jumping over the last fence before home!

After that it's a break neck gallop to the finish line...

..and then once we arrived home again it was time for me to take Phoebe for a nice little ride around the school!
I know it's not everyone's cup of tea - but it works for us!!!

Friday 13 April 2007


This month is mad for birthdays. Today it's Malcom's, last week it was Jacqui's, my Mum's, my Auntie Mimi's, Sue's, Uncle David's (he's 70!). I usually manage to remember everyone but I'm sure I've forgotten somebody....?

It just marks the inexorable unstoppable passage of time. I will be 44 this year (but not until September). When I was a child (deep down I still am) 44 seemed ancient, and quite frankly it still does. I have growing bingo wings, slack jawline, bags beneath my eyes, wrinkles around my mouth, cellulite (everywhere!) and have developed a fondness for big comfy knickers. My muscles and bones no longer work in the way I want them too, and if I push it they protest - very loudly.


I want to be 17 again.

Wednesday 11 April 2007

Murder in the garden

Yesterday I got up nice and early to get ready for work (ugh) and found Fifi's latest offerings outside Dan's bedroom door. A fluffy rabbit's tail, and two front paws. Oh my god, the cat has killed the easter bunny! I searched for the rest of the rabbit, but I think the killer cat has dismembered the rabbit in the garden and just brought home the souvenirs.

I feel she may need physchotherapy to become a nicer cat.

Monday 2 April 2007

Beware of Eric the Earwig

The warm weather has brought a few creatures out of hiberbnation. Being an animal-loving person I find it really hard to kill anything - especially creepy crawlies. The sight of a spider - no matter how small - can reduce Dan to a screaming gibbering nervous meltdown wreck, so many's the time I have to go and rescue some poor unfortunate arachnid who is being screamed at. I usually just pop them outside and all's well that ends well.

Last night however, Eric the Earwig was wandering across my living room floor, so I went to pick him up and pop him outside, and he nipped me!!!! They have a pair of viscous pincers on their rear end, and Eric (no doubt traumatised) closed his into the fleshy part of my fore finger.

OUCH OUCH OUCH. I ran to the door and tried to fling him off my finger, but he was well and truly hanging on!!! Eventually I managed to shake him free, and came back inside to inspect the damage. There was blood - only a tiny pinprick - but blood all the same. That's what you get for being an animal-lover!!!

This morning Eric is back (well, it looks like Eric) nonchalantly strolling across the carpet.

Secretly I hope that Fifi gets him. Look at what she does to the pidgeons, earwigs don't stand a cat in hell's chance.

Sunday 1 April 2007

Busy busy week

Oooh I've been busy this week...phew I'm glad it's over!!!

It started with a one-day event for Dan on Saturday - her first affiliated event - very exciting!!! Dan, Bugsy, Emma and I set off very early. She did really well apart from failing to go through the start box in the Cross-country phase - technically she was eliminated but she came 11th out of over 50 riders, so she was pleased with that. I told her that this would be the last time she failed to go through the start box - that's how you learn!!!

On Sunday morning the whole family (that includes me and her, her Dad and the 3 boys) went out for a full english breakfast. Very pleasant it was too.

Then on Monday I got up at 4am to make the drive up to Sheffield before the roads got busy. I was eating toast and slurping coffee with my Mum by 7.30am!!!

A busy day of box packing and bubble wrapping followed, and then I went out for dinner with my bestest friend ever - the lovely Jacqui...(it's her birthday this week - Happy Birthday Jacqui!!!), also along for the fun of it was her husband, Melvyn, and her lovely daughter Kelly. It was soooo nice to see them again.

On Tuesday morning I went to buy a new yard broom, and couldn't get one (boo hoo) but did get 3 lovely new pairs of shoes! I also went out for another full english breakfast with Gary, which was great, and then went for a cup of coffee with Jacqui before setting off back to Surrey. I did actually pop by to see Christian, but he wasn't in, so I said a quick hello to the lovely Victoria, and Alice (who gets cuter everytime I see her!).

On Wednesday I went back to work and the same again on Thursday (yawn yawn!) Then I finished work for a full ten days holiday - YIPPEE.

Dan went to Sheffield on Friday so I have since spent the weekend finishing the decorating and doing lots of things like buying new table lamps, changing cupboard door handles and all that kind of stuff. When I say finishing the decorating - I actually mean doing most of it.

If you've read all of this blog entry you will probably feel tired, well, imagine how knackered I am because I'm the one who lived it - off to bed now, ZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Beautiful New life