Saturday 31 July 2010

Meet the Morris family

What a lovely family!...and they are.  The blonde lady is Jayne. I have know Jayne for 42 years (Bloody hell - that's a long time)..we met on our first day at infant school and were very good friends right up until we were sixteen. I didn't see her for a while after that - and then throughout the next few years we would see each other from time to time. 

Also on the picture is Paul (hubby) and the children Kate, Claire and Daniel.

Kate and Claire have just qualified as a Medical Doctor and a Dentist (very well done girls) and Daniel is still studying.

Kate and Claire used to play with our Dan when she was small and on her first day at Silverdale they escorted her in to the huge building so that she didn't feel so alone and afraid!

Jayne and I have had many adventures together - and now enjoy regular Friday night forays down Ecclesall Road - we laugh a lot - which is lovely.

Yesterday it was Paul's birthday - and I was invited Chez Morris for a celebratory barbecue...mind you it rained and rained - but the food and company were excellent.

They are a lovely family - and Jayne has always been a very good friend to me - she still is - and for that I am extremely grateful. Apparently they will be very excited to get a mention on here!!

PS - aren't they 'smiley'?

Friday 30 July 2010


I've been to the Opticians. Had a chat with the lovely Justin. Apparently the old mince pies aren't as bad as I thought and no new prescription for reading glasses is required. I do, however need specs now for distance...for driving and watching the tv. I knew that anyway as I can no longer read road names.

So - I've ordered some and they'll be ready on Tuesday. I could have had varifocals - but because my face is so small and my frames are therefore quite small - there wouldn't be enough room in the frame for the varifocal lense.....I could have got new frames but didn't relish the idea of looking like Elton John from 20 years ago. (I also don't have the cash to splash).

So I'll have a pair for reading and a pair for distance.

I hate getting older. I feel suicidal.

Thursday 29 July 2010

Dear Terry from Rotherham......

Thank you for your e mail via the dating website. It was very nice to hear from you. Thanks also for you kind comment where you mentioned that you preferred my hair blonde to dark brown and asked if I would consider going back to blonde as you preferred it...and then you may consider taking me out on a date......

First of all I must mention that I prefer George Clooney to a funny little balding 50 year old from Rotherham - who resembles a mating disaster between Shrek and Imedla Marcos. Secondly I would rather like to be wittily engaged in enchanting conversation and repartee with someone who a) can spell...b) has a reasonable knowledge of English Grammar and c) doesn't list Football as their main hobby.

I would also like my male friends to be at least 3 inches taller than me - so at 5'4" tall - you don't quite cut it.

I would also like Rotherham to be replaced by Bali - so when I'm having a bad day I can just nip up the Parkway for an afternoon of sun, beach and cocktails (although not with you).

I would also liked to be wined and dined in style - so I think I'll pass on your offer of a fish supper with barm cake, and a bottle of Mackeson - if it's all the same to you.

You mentioned that you like to watch war films for entertainment. Black and White war films no less. How utterly fascinating. For my entertainment I prefer having my finger nails extracted by butch lesbians from Wath-Upon-Dearne.

So - to finish - thanks once again for your interest and your kind comments - but on this occasion I won't be taking our blossoming friendship any further. 

Kind regards and best wishes in your search for a companion,

Tracy x

PS - Your Rottweiler is better looking than you - but that's purely a subjective opinion XX

Tuesday 27 July 2010

The Soup

I completely forget to tell you. When I was away last week staying with my pal I met Andy. Andy is my pal's friend - but I think he'd rather be much more than that - if you get my drift. He calls her and texts her a lot and often 'just happens to be in the neighbourhood' when she's out walking her dogs. 

Anyways up - Andy invited us round for dinner to taste his famous 'soup'. Now - where I'm from soup is usually a starter - so I figured we'd be having soup, then main, then pud.

Soup was served - rather thick and hearty - containing large quantities of pulses (oh my bowel) and bits of meat. At the moment it was served I had an urgent desire to start singing the bit about Gruel from 'Food - Glorious - Food' (Oliver devotees will understand that).....

It was a funny grey colour...and to be honest tasted a wee bit bland without lashings of salt and pepper. I lashed the salt and pepper, scoffed some bread and - then - seeing as the hearty soup was rather filling - ate three quarters of it - in order to leave room for my main course. 

However - there - was - no - main - course.

Soup was it. Pud was an arctic roll.

I went home a bit hungry - and a tad confused.

Obviously I didn't say anything - just thanked him for dinner. (I have manners you see)...but I did want to get fish and chips on the way home.

Working Lunch

Today I went for lunch and a meeting with my dear pal Bill. He is helping me with my website design - so we had a 'creative' lunch. I love Bill. He's one of those rare people who just 'gets it'. He understands most things and can talk about anything and everything. He's understanding and kind and sympathetic and interesting and funny. 

We were chatting about 'stuff' - (as you do) - and it was lovely and satisfying to talk with somebody with a fine level of understanding. 

The website design is coming along nicely - and I just have to create some copy - and soon it will be ready for launch. I am so excited about my new business venture. Everyone who I have told about it has said "Oh - you would be REALLY good at that".......which is nice as it confirms what I think too. I am really, really excited XX

Today I met Carol

Fiona and I have a mutual friend. He's ill at the moment. His business and his marriage are both in dire straights and he had become severely all got a bit much and he was admitted to Nether Edge hospital here in Sheffield. He's a lovely man - caring, gentle and kind, and it's sad that he's poorly.

We went to see him this afternoon. The place he is in is quite nice and clean - although the corridor smelt of wee - and fortunately he was in better shape than all the rest of the patients. It reminded me of the hospital in 'One flew over the Cuckoo's nest'...all it needed was Jack Nicholson causing trouble and Nurse Ratchett bullying everybody and you would have been there.

It's clear that our friend is suffering from some kind of psychotic episode or breakdown. He's nervous and twitchy - and couldn't get anything that has happened into any kind of proper perspective. However - with medication and treatment and counselling - he will get better. It will just take care and time.

Different story for Carol I'm afraid. Carol told us she was fifty years old. I would have said nearer to seventy. She had wrinkly craggy skin and a quite dramatic 'sucky' mouth. She smoked a cigarette and it almost disappeared. She reminded me of a pantomime wicked witch - but she was lovely - although clearly living on another planet. Probably hops about between other planets to be honest.

She made no real sense so we couldn't ask why she was in there - but I would imagine she was one of the long term sufferers of mental health problems. 

We chatted to her for a while and she was very friendly and nice - but (and this is not politically correct in any way) completely barking. I cannot imagine what has happened to her in her life that she would end up that way. It was very sobering.

Our friend will be okay and in time will go home and probably make a full recovery - but Carol - and thousands like her - probably never will. That makes me very sad.

We worry about our lives, our finances, our relationships - all our 'shit' - but honestly - go and spend half a day in your local mental health ward and you'll see things differently.

Monday 26 July 2010

Vagina Monologues

Today I went to Fiona's and ended up helping her to clean one of the bedrooms. We found a copy of 'The Vagina Monologues' which she let me borrow. I have been reading it and it's brilliant, awesome in fact. You should certainly read this book. It's funny, poignant and celebratory. I love it. (Men and Women should read it)

Here is a short piece from the book.

Vagina Fact
The Clitoris is pure in purpose. It is the only organ in the body designed purely for pleasure. The clitoris is simply a bundle of nerves: 8,000 nerve endings to be precise. That's a higher concentration of nerve fibres than is found anywhere else in the body, including the fingertips, lips and the tongue...and it is twice...twice....twice the number in the penis. Who needs a handgun when you've got a semi automatic?

Taken from "Woman - an intimate Geography", by Natalie Angier

If the written word is not your thing - you can view some of the videos of pieces from the work here.

Blind..... a bat. It's only just over 12 months since I got new lenses in my glasses. They've stopped working. I am a bit worried because my eyes are deteriorating at an alarming rate. Without my specs I am hopeless...I can't see anything on the PC, in the paper or in a book.

At the moment I am still okay with distance vision - but my near sight is hopeless...truly.

When I first got specs two years ago - the optician told me that I would only need to get my eyes tested once every couple of years. Well - that's simply not the case. Last summer I had to get replacement lenses, and about 7 months before that I had to do the same. So I am now looking at my 4th set of lenses in three years. That's not good, not good at all. As I sit and type this I am struggling to read it - and the problem is I just don't have the budget right now for new lenses.

The good thing is that when I look in the mirror - there's a very beautiful (if blurry) woman looking back at me. For that...I am truly grateful - it's good job I can't see the truth :)

Movie watch

Two years ago I watched this movie. I loved it. I have it on DVD and I am going to watch it again tonight. No doubt there will be tears.

Lazy Beeeatch

That's me. Lazy. Comatose. Inert. Uninspired. Horizontal.

I have loads that I could be doing...ironing (nah), laundry (nah), cleaning windows (nah), cleaning the bathroom (nah), vacuuming (nah) and generally sorting my life out. But quite frankly I can't be arsed.

So far today I have had about ten cups of coffee. washed a few pots, read this week's "hello' magazine, had a bath, answered a few e mails from dreaded dating website (which still isn't working)...including a rather curt reply to a gentleman caller who said that he preferred his women a bit taller, with red hair and blue eyes - but that he may be interested in taking me out at some point in the next few weeks. He left his mobile number in case I wanted to call him...well my fingers were on fire after I had written him a text...which said in no uncertain terms...thanks but no thanks...(Dickhead)...then I deleted the text and e mailed instead- saying that I would be busy for the next twenty years. I rather wanted to put something a wee bit stronger - but my inherent good manners prevented me. I have to say there's a lot of 'idjeets' out there in 'cyber-dating-land'.

I should really be doing something constructive right now - it's not as if I have nothing to attend to - but I have time on my maybe later. I might just pop downstairs now and watch Jeremy Kyle........  (later) XX

Sunday 25 July 2010

Dear Blank....

A few weeks ago I posted a link to this page. I like it. It makes me smile. Here are some of my favourites from today....

Dear Self,

Note : having sex directly after eating a giant burrito is always a mistake. Please try to remember this.

Sincerely, Me

Dear Thesis,

Please go write yourself. We've tried this before. I loved the infatuation, the intrigue, the exciting getting-to-know-everything-about-each-other phase. I know you now and I'm bored with you. We know the end is coming. Once you're done and defended I am going out for drinks and never want to see you again.

Sincerely, Honours Student

Dear Energy Saving Co-worker who religiously turns out the light when leaving the restroom,

You might be over doing it.

Sincerely, I am still in here

Dear Mum and Dad

I am glad you still love each other after 33 years of marriage - but please close the door when you want to have noisy sex.

Sincerely, disgusted daughter

Dear New I Phone

Please stop spellchecking all of my rude words. You piece of shut. Can't.

Sincerely, Every I-phone user

Mr Pape

Last night I went to a 'do' with Jayne and Paul. It was at the Golf Club (oh how utterly middle class!). There was  Neil Diamond tribute singer on - who, despite our reservations, was actually very good - and if you closed your eyes and ignored the dodgy wig and strange eyebrows - sounded just like Mr Travelling Blue Jeans.

Paul said he had a surprise for me and that somebody was going to be there that I would be pleased to see. 

Mr. Pape. That's him in the picture (apologies for the quality - but I took the pic on my i-phone). Mr Pape was one of our teachers at school - he taught the boys sports - so he was never my teacher - but I remembered him - and he remembered me. He also remembered my two brothers and anybody else I cared to mention during the two hour chat that ensued. It was really fab to see him again after 30 years. Sport must be good for you because he certainly didn't look his age.

Jacqui and Mel were there too - which was a lovely surprise - and my Dad's oldest friend Jim Gibson. I had a great night. 

Friday 23 July 2010

The truth is often stranger than fiction

Odd happenings this week. Mightily odd. Whilst I was out at the pub - and therefore nowhere near a PC - somebody hacked into my blogger account and removed a post that I had written a few weeks ago. What the idiot didn't realise is that I know the IP address of the hacker. (oh dear)...I have since changed the password.

Also - someone else finally used their brain and did a successful Google search (after 3 months of trying) and finally located my blog once more. Then they sat for 45 minutes and read all that they had missed. Sincerely hope they enjoyed it :)

Somebody has also been sending things through the post - and attempting (very amateurishly) to make it look like it was me.

I just want you to know that I'm on it - and I will find out what's behind it all - and who (I have an idea) it is. What they should realise is that the truth always comes out in the end. Always.

When I have proof - well - you'd better get ready...that's all I can say.

Update...2350hrs Friday...someone has tried to hack my Facebook account...BLOODY STOP IT

Back now

I've been away to stay with my dear friend Liz down in Essex since Tuesday. We've had a very nice time indeed. We have walked dogs - lots of dogs - lots of times. Sat in the garden (chatting)...sat in the living room (chatting)...went into London Town twice in one day (second time I actually drove - in central London...yikes!)...and just generally had a lovely girly time.

Today on the way back up 'north I popped to Banbury to see my old next door neighbour Lisa. Obviously I had to take extra special care to not bump into Voldemort...but it was okay because he was out when I got there (phew). I did consider walking down the road with a bag on my head so that I wouldn't be spotted...but there was no need. Lisa and I had lunch and a catch up - seeing as it was March the last time I saw her - that took a good couple of hours. We also had cream cakes but as Lisa is a member of weightwatchers...that has to stay a secret.

Sorry if you've missed me (!) but I'm back now.

Thursday 22 July 2010

Greetings from Essex

Hello loyal readers :) Am away for a few days in Essex where the sun shines all the time! It's so hot here. Now I'm a northerner again I am always dressed in long sleeves and woolly jumpers - but down here they're not needed.

For the last couple of days we have spent loads of time walking dogs in beautiful rural places, eating in nice pubs, and being with friends. Later today we're going into London town...this afternoon for some retail therapy - and again tonight for a party. I'll be tired out by the time I get home. Tomorrow on the way back up north I'm calling in to see a special friend for lunch. Can't wait to see her.

Later..... x

Tuesday 20 July 2010

Monday 19 July 2010

Far too busy....

Have had a busy weekend. Went to cowboy barbecue (you don't say)...'Nice hats Girls'

(Where's your horse?)

Have got a busy week ahead. Dan's home at the moment so we've had lunch out with her Dad's wallet (thanks Jim)...

I'm having quite a bit of fun at the present time...and long may it continue....

Thursday 15 July 2010

Bike adventures

When I was living in Banbury with Voldemort you may remember that I acquired a pushbike. Anyway - when I moved away the bike went into storage - and since I got my stuff back a few weeks ago - the bike has been in the back garden (under a nice waterproof cover). This week I decided to go for a bike ride and realised that I hated the Shimano clips and shoes that Voldemort had bought for me - (because we had to do everything properly). Well Shimano shoe clips just make me get stuck and I fall off the off I trotted to the bike shop to get a pair of ordinary pedals.

Once I got them home I attempted to change the pedals - but Voldemort had put them on too tight - and despite my very best sweaty red-faced huffing and puffing...I just couldn't shift them. So this afternoon I took the bike to the bike shop to get them changed over.

The man changed them for me and then pointed out that I had been riding the bike for three days with the handlebars turned completely through 360 degrees. Somehow - whilst in storage - the handlebars had been turned through a full 360 degree turn. This meant that the gearing cables and the brake cables were incredibly tight around the handlebar stem...but ....because I am a tit I just never even noticed.

The staff in the bike shop were smirking. Twats. We all have to learn somehow...don't we?


I like this website. I may write a few of my own letters.....  :)

Wednesday 14 July 2010


Isn't Wednesday a crap day? It's not one thing or the other. Mondays are good because it brings promise - the beginning of a new week and all that. Tuesday gives you a second chance at starting the week if you mess up Monday. Thursday is good because it's only a couple of days until the weekend - and Friday is always good because it's the day before the weekend - and we all switch off at lunchtime - so Friday is the original 'half-day'. Saturday and Sunday speak for themselves - but Wednesday? It's not one thing or the other is it?

Tuesday 13 July 2010

Tangled fingers

Now that I am officially unemployed and have loads of spare time on my hands I thought I would do something constructive. Regular readers may recall my foray into music last year when regularly I would go and visit the divine Martin and have a weekly piano lesson. Sadly, Martin is in Banbury - (and that's a place I'm not in a hurry to visit again any time soon) - coupled with the dire lack of funds - lessons are on hold - but practise isn't! Oh no - indeed not. So this morning - a full 6 months since I last sat and tinkled the ivories..I decided to get started again.

I would love to be able to play well - really, really well - but I haven't done it for so long - most of what I had learned has been forgotten.

But practise makes perfect...and so I've just done an hour or so. My fingers ache now - and so does my back - but some of it came back - and it was fun.

Maybe - I'll do more tomorrow.....?

Monday 12 July 2010

In the news today....

Isn't it funny how Raoul Moat's brother is now blaming the police for his brother's death? "If only he'd been allowed to speak to him he could have talked him round". After seeing his brother on last night's news I'm not sure that the chap could have talked his way through a simple telephone conversation to order pizza let alone reason with a gun toting murderer...and shouldn't he have spoken to his brother years ago and hopefully helped to prevent him from turning into some kind of deranged nut case?

I'm surprised that he's not saying that Gazza should have been allowed to join the negotiating team :)

This guy shot dead one person and wounded two others - but his brother insists he wasn't a deranged killer (oh - what would you call him then?)...but insists he was just an ordinary guy suffering from a nervous breakdown. Lots of people have nervous breakdowns...usually they just take prozac and sleep, have counselling and hopefully get better (not tying to trivialise mental illness here - but surely you get my point?)...the thing is - they don't go on the rampage with a fully loaded weapon and terrorise everybody within 100 miles. There's a clue in the finale - nobody who is safe and normal (!) blows their own face off.

Sorry he's dead and all - but maybe that's the correct outcome?

Friday 9 July 2010

Garden Party at Bill's

Have been to a Bill's the garden......with champagne.....hic......and lots of lovely food....hic.....and friends old and new.....hic....where's my bed?.......Hic x

Thursday 8 July 2010

Not a lot happening round here....

Sorry everybody. I know I've not posted for a few days - and that's not like me.  The thing is - nothing really earth shattering or hilarious has happened over the last few days. All is calm and going nicely.

Things to tell you??...well I became one of the great 'un-washed' with a recent visit to the job centre. There was a Staffy tied up outside (had to be) and people wearing shell suits and leggings...a long queue...and a few missing teeth. Sadly no fumigation booth on the way out - so I came home and had a bath. I have applied for some jobs - one as a PA with the probation service - don't think they'll employ me somehow - do you? How bloody funny would that be?

I've watched a lot of TV - spent loads of time with pals - including a nice cooked breakfast just an hour ago with the delightful Helen at our favourite Garden Centre..and an equally lovely supper with Fifi last night ( we watched a tv programme where women's 'bits' were on display for all the world to see...eeeurgh), mooched about with the dog, and sat in the garden. Read a few books - and that's about it really.

Today I must clean the bathroom.....

Sunday 4 July 2010


Last night we had a barbecue in my garden. Friends came - we ate - we drank wine and beer and we got a little bit pissed :) Enough said really !

Thursday 1 July 2010

For my friend

I have a lovely friend. She is really truly lovely and has been all the years I've known her. She is supportive kind and loving and extremely loyal to her pals. It is an honour to know her. She would never deliberately hurt anyone or anything. She works hard and cares a lot. Everybody should have at least one friend like her - their lives would be much richer for it. She always has time for me and is so caring and understanding...she is bright and funny and as a bonus - is a doggy person.

At the moment she is going through some shit. More than she ever deserved. Her shit is the direct result of stupid people with small minds, narrow views, pointy fingers and wagging tongues. In other words people who are afraid.

I have spoken to her tonight and I hope she truly heard what I said to her. Just in case she didn't I'm going to say it again.....

"You haven't done anything are a lovely person with a huge time others will realise how badly they have treated you and will hang their heads in shame.....You are loved and respected more than you can know."

I love you x

Beautiful New life