Monday, 24 May 2010

Being back up North

I've decided just to be me. I will no longer pretend to be cheery and sunny when I actually feel like strangling small furry animals and burning crying children. Sometimes I am a bit of a crosspatch, and sometimes I am unreservedly cheerful, and sometimes I am something in between.

Living down South meant a bit of pretending as everybody is always doing great and they have this false cheerful bonhomie positive attitude thing going on - when in reality they're just as pissed off or afraid or worried as the rest of us. But now I'm back up north it feels much easier to just be myself.

Living in Banbury and being a 'kept woman' meant that I always had to be wonderfully happy (and grateful for every little thing) - after all ...what did I have to be unhappy about? Lovely house, nice man, chickens in the garden, recycling....dull dull dull. No opportunity to be true to myself or be wicked or off the wall - or just be absolutely honest about how I felt......

The other evening I was sitting next to somebody who was a wee bit vociferous in their extreme opinions, and they were actually being quite 'orrid about a mutual acquaintance. I got quite annoyed, and really wanted to say something equally strident in reply...but I didn't. I kept quiet - and then - finally - when it became unbearable and I remember thinking...'You insufferable bigotted rude nasty oaf'.......I managed to quietly say that I actually liked the person to whom they were referring - she was a friend of mine - and in the entire 18 years I had known her I had never seen any evidence of what they were describing. You see I was being 'graceful' and considerate of our host's feelings, and not wanting to cause a scene - and being all southern and polite. What I actually wanted to do was ram the bigot's head down the khazi and pull the flush.

But I didn't - and actually she did shut up then - so the desired effect was reached.

Now I'm back up north I'm looking forward to just being straight with everybody all the time. Telling it like it is. Saying how I feel.

I think I'll be run out of town before long :)

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