Tuesday, 10 March 2009

I want to kill a pensioner

...just to see how much mess it would make?..and would that be a particular pensioner or would any random pensioner do?

I've been to Sheffield today for yet another funeral (Sheffield is one hell of a dangerous place to live it seems). After the service (very short 20 minutes - all done...when it's my turn I insist on at least an hour - please note) I went to my Mum's for a cuppa. I got Millie out of the car and took her to the grass to do her ablutions. She did a little poo - and being a responsible dog owner I always have a little poo bag in my pocket to collect little poos in.

Anyway there was a pensioner sitting in his car (don't know what he was waiting for - death perhaps?) and of course his car was sparkly clean and had the regulation folded picnic blanket on the back shelf. Just after Millie had done her deposit - and before I had the chance to scoop it up - he pipped his f*******g hooter at me and after winding down his window said 'I DO HOPE YOU'RE GOING TO PICK THAT UP'. He said it in a kind of interfering busybody 'rules are made to be adhered to' 'not in my back yard' 'too much time on his hands' pensioner way.

I nearly threw the dog poop straight at him - it would have flown in through his open window and splattered him right on the chin. And that would have been a result.

Oh - I was vexed.  I turned round and gave him the horrid cold - 'if I could stab you and get away with it I would' - look.....not good - not good at all. And then I came out with a very uber-cool retort....."Of course I am - you silly old duffer" I said. How's about that for uber-cool?

I really don't know what came over me :)

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