Saturday, 23 August 2008

Norman

I've been a bit lacking in the 'Blog' department this week. I don't know why as I'm usually far more prolific than this. Can't even say it's because I've been really that busy as I haven't!!! Anyway this morning I have plenty to say (no change there then?) Firstly I am going to tell you about Norman (made up name). Yesterday I went to London for the second attempt to attend the "Drivetech Speed Awareness Course". You may remember that this was to avoid points on my license. The man who ran the course was perhaps 60 years old and we shall call him Norman. The course was due to last two and half hours. And, my goodness Norman made sure it lasted every second of that. I have been known to deliver courses in the past (..and very good at it you are too...Ed) and I know that keeping your audience entertained is paramount. Norman didn't know this. It was without a doubt the dullest two and half hours of my life - EVER.  Had Norman used some voice inflection, body movements, eye contact, props, or anything else - perehaps it could have been slightly more fun - and therefore a better opportunity to learn - but no. Also - and this adds another two points on the irritation scale - he had those really dreadful 'whistling' false teeth. Ugh.

After the first 90 minutes every internal part of me was screaming in utter boredom. I remember thinking at one point that I hoped Norman wasn't married - because if he was he would be one of those husbands that winds up dead....murdered in a fit of total frustration by his wife (let's call her Brenda), who had endured 30 years of his irritating demeanour - with a smack around the head by the iron after uttering one mind-numbingly boring diatribe too many. 

Norman didn't  like it at all when some of the delegates began the debate about speed cameras not improving safety but merely being a means for revenue raising - (not really surprising seeing as we were all there because of speed cameras) Norman was obviously well versed in the Government mantra about that, and turned into a monotone robot - simply repeating the statistics regarding the improvements in death rates since their introduction. (That may - or may not have something to do with the improved safety features built into modern cars - but we will never know as we weren't allowed to have the discussion...and anyway - do any of us REALLY trust government statistics?) . He wasn't able or willing to actually engage in any debate whatsoever, and became even more robotic when the 20mph speed limit over Tower Bridge was mentioned .

By the end I was repeatedly muttering "Get on with it....hurry up........can I go now please?" under my breath, and was just about to stand up, smack him one and tell him I'd rather have the points than listen to one more second of his dreadful voice, when suddenly - it was all over!!!

I have never run from a building so fast in my life!!! 

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