Today I broke a golden life rule. There aren’t many golden life rules in my life – basically because rules tend to make me rebel and behave in an o way and go against the grain, therefore it would be quite silly for me to impose rules upon myself. However there are one or two rules that I am quite happy to have in my book and the one I broke today is one of those. The rule is ‘Never, ever eat a MacDonald’s’. The reasons for this particular rule are numerous and varied. The quality (?) of the meat –MacDonald’s is 100% beef – that’s because they put the whole cow in a huge mincing machine – so you get EVERY part of the cow. (Hooves, skin, eyeballs, guts – everything….uuurgh!). The food is processed to within one inch of its life, and the fries are no more potato than I am (no comments please Christian – and yes, I know I bear a striking resemblance to Mr. Potato Head). The quality of staff (or lack of quality) in a Macdonald’s store - even with their ridiculous gold star awards – is so poor that they would make the staff in the neighbouring ‘Poundland’ store look like close relatives of Albert Einstein. I would never normally contemplate eating anything that had been prepared in the same county as them – let alone on the same counter top. Marry that with the fact that when I worked for Rentokil I saw more than my fair share of filth and grime in the back kitchens of Macdonalds premises around West Yorkshire, and you will understand why in more than 5 years anything from that particular establishment has not passed my lips.
However, today I broke the rule. It’s Cherrie’s fault as we were hungry – and she had a hangover and had been up most of the night with some guy – therefore chemically processed and irradiated carbs and annihilated pseudo-protein were what she required, nay craved – also – she is much younger than I am so her body can probably cope with the onslaught of poisons, chemicals and e numbers that go hand in hand with ingesting a Macdonald’s. I on the other hand, cannot cope. My Body is a temple and I leave the boots on the outside.
After my ‘Big Mac’, regular fries, sour cream dip and regular coke – I now feel dreadful. Sluggish, sick, compromised, ashamed, dirty, and such a slag. Tonight I will no doubt glow in the dark. No doubt at all. I knew there was a very good reason why I don’t eat Macdonald’s. I hereby make a pledge to the “Health-Police’ and anybody else who is interested that it will be a very long time before I ever make that mistake again.