Thursday 18 February 2010

Anger v Love

Taking responsibility for your actions can be a difficult thing sometimes. We all do things that we wish we hadn't, we all make mistakes; in the bible it says 'let those amongst us without sin cast the first stone'. It is these failings that make us human. When we are small children we cast blame and push our anger outwards. 'It wasn't me, she did it....' All of us who are parents have heard that one so many times. (All of us who were children have said it at some point too - no doubt!).

When we become adults the mature and responsible thing to do is to look inward, and examine what we have done to possibly contribute to a situation. Accepting responsibility is about looking at ourselves and asking what we did to create a situation, and asking perhaps what we could have done differently to create a better outcome. It's not about beating yourself up, but perhaps about learning from the mistake so we can do better next time.

There is no point wearing sack-cloth and ashes, just accept what's happened, apologise if necessary, and learn from it. Harbouring anger is damaging, being angry is not good for you as a person and if you insist on pointing the finger of blame...remember....there will be three or four more fingers pointing right back at you.

When you feel angry at someone, it may be an idea to examine that anger and try to understand what it's really about. Are you really that angry at the other person - or is some of that anger possibly about yourself? Is it part of a grieving process? Staying silent within yourself and harbouring that anger inside will damage you.

I firmly believe that there are very few 'bad' people on our planet. Most of us are damaged in some way from our childhood, and we are left with issues and behaviour patterns that reflect that. Anger is mainly about fear, fear of loss. Once we recognise that and deal with it - our anger can be overcome.

Being human means feeling a whole myriad of emotions. There are always highs, and as sure as eggs are eggs, there are going to be some lows. Life wouldn't be life without the diversity. Being mature is about celebrating the highs, and dealing appropriately with the lows....and learning something from every situation.

So, take your anger, examine it, explore it - be honest and determine what it's really about. Then deal with those things yourself. Don't act in a spiteful way (not because it won't make you feel better - but because that feeling will eventually be replaced by shame, and surely you are a better person than to act like a small child in a playground?). Don't busy yourself trying to create situations to inconvenience or damage another person. Spend your time more wisely. If you are tempted to do something bad, think about how it would feel if that act were visited upon you. Try to forgive the others involved. To err is human, to forgive is divine. Giving forgiveness is very healing for yourself.

So, forgive yourself, forgive others, lose the anger (because it can ONLY be damaging to everybody), look inward, take responsibility, and learn from what's happened. Spiteful and mean acts, and not being respectful will only ever hurt the person who does those things. It never reaches the intended victim...not really, and why would you want it to anyway? Surely you're a better person that to want to hurt or damage somebody else? If someone has wronged you, love them for it - because that confirms that they are a human being, and the great thing about that is - that means they are just the same as you. Reason enough to send love their way?

Love yourself, and love thy neighbour. That has to be the way forward? Surely?

Here endeth the lesson x

(Love, love, love)

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