Happy Times

I've had a bit of a funny week. I've had a lot to do at work - that in itself is not unusual - but the way I have felt about it has been. I've kind of adapted a "who cares...shit happens" attitude. That's not like me - as anyone who knows me will testify. I can get very het-up at work, and have been known to have the odd wobbler when the pressure really gets bad. It doesn't help having a boss who's a bit of a meglomaniac, and not very caring or fair to boot. I hate disparity and when things are badly unfair - I get very cross indeed.

However, something very unexpected and lovely has happened in my life in the last two weeks - personally I thank Holly and her Cosmic Ordering for that! - and it has caused me to change the way I look at things. I've done this without realising and without any conscious effort on my part.

People I work with will testify that I have become about 400% more cheerful, more laid back and much more fun. People have been coming up to me and saying "what's happened to you, you're like a different person!" I can't tell you what the lovely thing is (for fear that it might break if I speak or write about it) but I can tell you that it has given me a whole new outlook and a whole new lease of life. I suppose the moral of this post is that you never know what's around the corner and you never know what's going to happen next.

The ants are back

Last year and the year before I suffered three days of the house being heavily infested with flying ants. They usually come about the beginning of May. They appear in their tens of thousands - cover all the windows (clearly trying to get back oustide), stay for a short while, then die away when all their breeding is done ...Ant porn...nice!!

I hadn't really thought about them this year - but they're back this morning with a vengeance. They're rallying the troops outside as I write this and any moment now they will start coming in. They don't scare me, although it does get a bit like a horror movie in the height of the situation. There's nothing funny about coming back home to find every surface covered with these creatures. Out comes the Dyson and they all get sucked to their death. If it gets really bad I may take some photos because I know you will think I'm exaggerating :)

I don't think Milly has seen ants before because she's stressing right now - snuffling and growling and she keeps looking at me as if to say 'what the f**K?'

Friday Night

What do I do on a Friday Night? Well this particular Friday I'm a bit fed up. It's been a hard week at the office. Nothing new there then. Today my new car got scraped by some tosser in the car park at work and is now all scratched at the front - Ho Hum...some T-cut should sort it. My friend Tricia left our employ today - so that's sad because I will really miss our early morning coffee chats, her lovely smiley face and her kindness. More people are leaving work so that means more and more work for those of us who are left. My home looks like a bomb has dropped as I haven't had the time to tidy all week. I'm hungry and thirsty and there's no food or milk in the fridge, and I am very very tired.

What I should be doing on a friday night? I really should be at the pub getting drunk - or out at dinner with lovely friends, or having a nice hot bubble bath, or watching a great DVD in a tidy clean living room, or maybe even being told how wonderful I am by some nice handsome chap!!! Isn't that what great women should be doing on a Friday night. Clearly I class myself as great woman, because let's face it ..if I don't - nobody else will!!

Maybe it's time to re-assess!!!

Update on Cosmic Ordering

I actually ordered something last week using Holley's suggestion of cosmic ordering - and with very little clarity or precision I might add. Well, lo and behold the thing I asked for has arrived slap bang in front of me with a loud thud. I can't quite believe it!!! I can't possibly say what it is but you have to believe me when I say it's fabulous, and I mean FABULOUS xx

Summer?

It's raining so much here this morning that I am wondering what time Noah will get here in his Arc to rescue me?

Childbirth Song

For anyone who has ever had children - this is very apt and funny

Back from Spain

I have had a fun few days in Spain this week with the extended family. There were twelve of us out there plus Mike who looks after us all. We had a lovely time. Sadly Bob wasn't there and we really missed him. We shed a few tears in his memory and had a few drinks to salute him.

I only stayed for three days, and when I left Dan stayed behind for a few more days. She's coming home tomorrow. She still can't get the hang of diving into the swimming pool. This is third year of trying to teach her and so far everyone has had a go!! For someone who can ride a horse really well - she struggles with anything else that requires body co-ordination!!! Bless her :)

We had lovely dinners and a nice relaxing time. Unfortunately my flight home was delayed by two hours and then I had to sit next to a fat sweaty bloke who knicked my armrest...grrrrrr. Now there's just lots of laundry to do :(

Football anyone?

I'm not a big football fan but you had to watch the match last night. I am in Spain at the moment for a few days with family and everybody wanted Chelsea to win apart from me. I, being a northerner, wanted Man U to win. When the game ended I was the only one of twelve people cheering - and everyone else was chuntering...hilarious. The penalty shoot out was nail-biting stuff - but you do feel a bit of a chuff leaping out the chair by yourself and going bonkers - alone - when everyone else is sat with their head in their hands. I won't gloat for too long today :)

Alzheimers

This week so far I have lost a few things. It's alzheimers or so I'm told. I have two pairs of specs as they were 'Buy one, get one Free' from Specsavers. My favourite pair cannot be found for love nor money. I just know that when I stop looking for them they will re-appear as if by magic in a totally random place - such as the laundry basket, or the boot of the car - or possibly in the fridge.

Peter Herald blew up the toilet.

At school, in the 5th year we had a mate called Peter Herold. He was ever so clever - we were all in the top class but he was streets ahead of the rest of us. One day in Chemistry we were working with sodium metal. Sodium metal is kept in oil because it gets extremely hot and reacts in a very dramatic explosive way when it comes into contact with water. It's also very soft and you can cut it with a craft knife.

Peter Herold cut off a piece and wrapped it in one of these green lab paper towels and placed it in his pocket. As the day wore on it started to heat up in his pocket - to the point where it got rather too hot and he decided to dispose of it. He threw it down the toilet. The toilet exploded. Shards of porcelain and gallons of water everywhere. He very nearly got expelled for that :)

Another CCM (Crystal Clear Memory)

They're coming thick and fast now. When I lived in Cyprus I had a little kitten called Zoe. I got her from the Cypriot equivalent of the RSPCA. Ferral cats are a huge problem in Cyprus - so when you get a rescue kitten they perform the spaying operation for free. The trick, however, is to get the timing right. The kitten needs to be mature enough to withstand the operation, but not mature enough to have had a season. Of course - I got the timing all wrong. Cue poor little Zoe being rodgered for her life in the garden by some skanky tomcat. Her back legs were about 4 inches off the floor, and the noise - ye gods!!! I ran out into the garden wielding a broom shrieking like a wailing banshee....''get off my Zoe"...obviously the tomcat was having FAR too much fun to take any notice of me:)

The result was that we had to have her spayed and a kitty-abortion performed at the same time. That incident scarred me for life.

Gadgets

Today I bought one of these. I already have a big clever fancy Nikon digital SLR camera with two inter-changeable lenses to take pictures of Dan competing and the such like. But I wanted something I could pop in my bag and take to Spain next week. I'm not keen on letting the baggage handlers maul my big camera, and also I would be gutted if I accidentally dropped it in the pool!!!
It seems nice and simple to use - just point and shoot..perfect for a simpleton like me :) Because I am a girl - mine is pink...yaaay!

Another CCM (Crystal Clear Memory)

Another CCM that came to me today was the time I was doing my pottery o level (I thought I'd take one subject that would be a bit of a breeze!). I was working with a boy called Jeremy Hardesty who was lovely - but happened to have a glass eye. My pot went horribly wrong - all mis-shapen and whizzing round at a hundred miles an hour...a big lump of clay flung itself off and hit Jeremy right in the eye and dislodged his glass eye. We laughed so much that I wee'd myself - and not just a little bit - all over the pottery room floor. Mrs Wigmore was mortified. I wasn't though - I had spent all my energy laughing and had nothing left to be embarrassed with:) At our 20 year school re-union in the summer of 2000 that was the only thing that over two hundred people remembered about me. Ho Hum .....

Cosmic what?

A lovely young lady at work called Holley was telling me about Cosmic Ordering. Apparently you just ask for what you want and it comes to you:) You need to be specific or it won't work - but on the other hand - you need to give the Cosmos the chance to get it for you therefore you don't demand that your 'stuff' arrives at a certain time or in a certain way.

Things I shall be ordering then...

1. Winning Lottery Jackpot Ticket
2. Huge Horse Lorry
3. Lovely Man (George Clooney?)
4. Flat tummy
5. Own stable yard
6. Money to retire (see no 1)
7. Peace and Love for everybody
8. Empty M25
9. Miraculous wrinkle treatment
10. Long finger nails
11. Size 10 backside
12. Size 14 bust
13. M&S store next door (with no other shoppers inside)
14. A cruelty free world for Animals
15. An end to call centres
16. The demise of Traffic Wardens

and many many more things - but that list is enough to get me started :)

Long phone conversations from the Gulf

The old friend I told you about two posts ago - scroll down and take a look if you've not already seen it - phoned me last night from overseas. How exciting!!! Nobody has phoned me from overseas for years. We chatted, and chatted some more, and chatted some more after that. We were on the 'phone for over two hours!! We were on the 'phone for so long that my dinner was ruined and Millie gave up trying to tell me she wanted to go out for a pee and did it on the doormat instead..oops!!

Those of you who know me will remember that I can talk the hind leg off a donkey - but it wasn't just me!!! We had 18 years to catch up on, and it was hilarious. He called on some kind of sat-phone device which gives a one second lag time delay...makes things a bit difficult as you're waiting for them to finish speaking, and then you speak - but they haven't actually finished speaking - they were just drawing breath!

It was as if the 18 years in between just melted away and we had seen each other just a few days ago. Don't you think it's funny when that happens? Someone who you haven't seen for a very long time (and I mean VERY long time) gets back in touch and all the years that have passed just disappear in an instant - and you are transported straight back to where you were. The happenings that have happened in between miraculously disappear and there you are at 20 years old again!!! I could do with some of that more often. As we chatted the memories took on a crystal clarity. There must be a special part of your brain that keeps these things fresh so that when you look at them again and are reminded of things it's as if it were only yesterday. Most of the time I can't bloody remember what day it is!!!

So then I started to think......

Other things I can remember with crystal clarity are Christian's wedding, Justin's wedding (funnily enough I can't remember my own 3 with the same definition), driving Christian to Newcastle to start college, the day we took the door off at Abbey Lane, Dan's birth (ouch), the day I passed my driving test, the day I went to Cyprus (to join the Army) all by myself with all my belongings in one suitcase, the day my father admitted to having an affair and left home, the day my Jaguar car was delivered, the day my brother got beaten up on the way home from Judo class and lost his front teeth, the day we moved into a pub, the day I met Dan's father, the day I bought our very first pony...the day I started senior school and walked there with Alison Farmery, and probably some more if I sit and think long enough. The strange thing is that you can remember exact details - like how the weather was, and what car you were driving, what you were wearing, and also accurate details of conversations etc

I wonder if it these crystal clear memories (from now on I shall refer to them as CCMs) that define who we are? Does all the other day to day stuff not matter? When we are no longer for this mortal place and we are laying in our last bed, is it these memories that flash before our eyes. If it is - then clearly these are the things that really matter and all the other day-to -day crap is not of any importance. This then. would explain the popularity of things like school re-unions and 'Friends re-united'.

So here's an idea. Why don't we get our box of memories out more often and have a good root through them? Remembering these things just to write this post have brought a big smile to my face, and I'm sure if you gave it a try it may have the same effect for you too. I know that we can't live in the past and there are new memories to make - but sometimes it's nice to just sit and remember. Don't you think?

Naughty Dog

Millie - who usually can do no wrong - has just chewed my very best riding gloves. Naughty Millie. I have told her off and now she's sitting at my feet looking at me with those big eyes and begging for forgiveness. I will hold out for another five minutes :)

Memories of a past life

Many many moons ago (far too many to count) when I was just a young lass I ran away from home and joined the Army. Well, actually I didn't run away from home - but it sounds more exciting doesn't it? After about 4 weeks our NCO's decided to let us have a little disco (that's like a rave only more sedate - for my younger readers!) and attending this bash were some spotty young lads from the Army Catering Corps in nearby Aldershot. They had a rather dashing corporal with them (to keep them in line!) whose name was Johnny Stewart. We met and fell for each other - he was really good looking! and we would see each other a couple of times a week and write letters all the time - there was no e mail or internet in those days - so it was pen, paper and first class stamp! He drove a BMW which was very flash in those days. We had loads of fun together - he had an eye tattooed on his bottom which was really rather racey!! After a few months I threw him over for somebody else (so many men ...so litttle time) and years later when we met up again he told me I had broken his heart. That made me feel bad.

I saw him again when Dan was a baby and at that time he was in a difficult marriage, and the again a couple of years later he came to see me to ask me to marry him. Once again the timing was wrong and we went our separate ways.

Yesterday he found me on friends re-united!!! Can you believe that? It made my day. He's happily married now - but works out in the gulf and the next time he comes over we shall meet for coffee and reminiscing!!!

When we were together we used to laugh an awful lot. My memories of him were buried deep in a dusty old box - but last night I got them out and they made me smile. I can remember the music we used to listen to and the things we used to do. Those memories made me very happy.

I'm looking forward to seeing him the next time he comes over.

Overwhelmed

That's how I feel at present. Overwhelmed with work. Overwhelmed with sadness. Overwhelmed with frustration. Overwhelmed with tears. Overwhelmed with tiredness. Overwhelmed with feelings of failure. Overwhelmed with a slow burn anger. Overwhelmed with the need to escape. Overwhelmed with disbelief at the absolute and ridiculous disparity of things. Prozac needed :)

I'm going to be a Godmother!

My deliciously good friends Christian and Victoria have done me the very great honour of asking me to be Amelia's Godmother!!! I am absolutely delighted and thrilled to accept this very great role. I have told Christian that I am going to be totally responsible for teaching Amelia to do lots of naughty things as she grows up!! I will teach her to eat spiders and make cakes with worms in them. I will teach her all about boys (!) but probably won't be advising her on who to marry. I will delight in watching her grow, and hopefully she will love her Godmother.

It is the first time ever that I have been chosen for anything so important.

What has happened to my life?

Mostly I quite like my life. It has it's ups and down and I have to admit that I have never really liked work that much. But there are many compensations including my horse, the dog, and having enough food to eat and a nice car to drive. I also have some fantastic friends and a lovely, lovely family. I am truly blessed. - or rather I was - but now the balance seems to have gone awry. Regular readers will have noticed that I'm spending more and more time at work. We are in a state of transition and flux at the moment - I work in property and the recent changes in the market have made things quite tough.

When I was young I lived to work - but now it's the other way around, and I work to live. I need to have enough spare time to do the things I truly like. Right now I don't have that. The small amount of spare time I do have is not really enjoyable as I am so tired that I spend most of it sleeping!

I really really want to retire - as there's so many things on my 'things to do' list that I haven't yet accomplished.

So I'm starting a Charity. It's going to be called "Help Tracy to retire". All donations gratefully received.

Nice day today

After an extremely fraught week at work which ended up seeing me in the office for approximately 70 hours - I have really enjoyed my two days off - Sunday and Monday. I haven't done much - just pottered around, vacuumed, done some laundry, cleaned the car, and today Jo and Colin came down and we took Millie and Colin to the park. Millie had her 'my Mummy doesn't want me to have puppies' operation on Friday so can't go for long walks until all her internal injuries have healed (ouch), but a gentle stroll in the park with Colin (who can't run very fast as he only has short legs :)) was just the right medicine. Afterward we went to a pavement cafe and had a lovely coffee. Jo starts her new job tomorrow and is very excited....Good Luck JO !!! The sun has been shining and it's a very respectable 22 degrees here in Surrey this afternoon. I'm having fresh raspberries after my tea too!!!