A Bit Better

Today (no-smoking day three) has been a bit better. I am beginning to eat more stuff out of the fridge (today 7 'laughing cow' cheese triangles). My Mood has improved, the madness is still there but now it's a happy madness - yesterday I was beginning to scare Dan!!!!

I have discovered that if I have a hot drink with me I can resisit the urge to eat stuff. I have always had a real thing about fat people (as those of you who know me well will already know - my mantra is "eat less - do more"...) and I really don't want to become one, not now anyway.

I know this sounds really daft but I have got loads of extra energy from somewhere. I don't know if it's the not smoking or the running but I'm just not getting tired like I usually do. Wierd - huh?

The cravings are nowhere near as bad as yesterday. I understand that by day 6 they have all but passed - we'll see!!!

Tomorrow I'm going to Sheffield on the train to collect my little Ford KA which has been living with my friend Gary since I moved to Surrey. But now it's going to be Dan's car - so it needs bringing to Surrey. That'll be the first time ever I have driven anywhere for over half an hour and not smoked!!!! About 4 hrs on the M1 and M25 and no smoking - aaaaaaaaaargh!!!

Day two - and it's not going well.

Oh My goodness - the nicotine free world of Tracy has gone completely mad. So far today we have had tears - twice - both times from me. Dan has told me to go and buy a packet of fags because she can't stand another minute of it - she even lent me the money - but "NO", "NO" and thrice "NO" I said - I have managed over 36 hours - I'm not giving up now......my mind has been taken over by a kind of wierd madness, as if I'm on some kind of hallucinogenic drug, and I have slightly lost my grip on reality.

I have had my "ride with your mind" riding lesson today also - which bearing in mind the present state of my mind was somewhat over hopeful!!! I did enjoy it immensely and for the first time ever was able to 'plug in' my seatbones and enjoy a deeper seat (what? seat-bones? plug-in? deeper seat?) ..it's all technical riding stuff. I know that you all think that we just sit on the neddies and go - but no, it's actually a lot more precise than that, and there's always loads more stuff to learn. It's all about bio-mechanics and physics......ooooer. You have to visualise and relax and practise a lot of core strength and bearing down!!!!! Bit like giving birth!!!

Anyway - since then we've been supermarket shopping and I managed that without murdering anybody - despite the supermarket being overrun with pensioners and toddlers - I think that's rather commendable considering I haven't had a fag since Thursday night. (mind you I did snarl at some old git in the car-park who looked at me funny because I was having difficulty parking the Range Rover straight. It's a good job he left when he did or I would have run the bastard over - no doubt at all!!!) People tell me that the first few days are the worse, well I have felt rage today akin to when Christian took my door off...and he knows what that means.

Ooooh - I nearly forgot - the running is going well too. Third run this morning at 6.15am. ran for twenty minutes - which sounds pathetic - but I'm following a strict training programme and it's only week one!!!

I'm praying for a better day tomorrow- and I'm sure that Dan is!!!

Snap Snap Snap

After 2 days of not-smoking we're at breaking point. I nearly had a fight with the blacksmith last night - (don't even ask me what about - suffice to say he'a a pillock and I'm right), this morning I have abandoned my child at the stables and come home to be on my own because I cannot stand another minute of it!!!!, and so on. Clearly nicotine is an evil poison that affects your mood the moment you are deprived of it. I know that I'm being horrible and moody, and snappy, but I actually don't want to stop, re-think, and behave myself. If I have to suffer these godawful nicotine cravings, than EVEYONE ELSE can suffer them with me!!!! HA HA HA HA HA HA

Marathon weekend update

I said I'd let you know how we all got on at the London Marathon. We had a great day. Stephen completed the race in a respectable 5 hours plus something (can't remember) which is way outside his PB but it was very very warm - about 28 deg C - which is July temperatures - in April (Global warming - the ice caps are melting - hope you can all swim!) The atmosphere was fabulous and we had a really lovely time.

We then went to Michel's house in Kilburn for a birthday party / buffet as it was Stephen's birthday - and we had cake and a sing-song. I met some great people and had a lot of fun.

Late in the evening we came home via the tube and the train again - which the old ladies coped with very well indeed.

Then we went to bed.

The next day the travelling masseur came to help with the marathon recovery but Stephen wasn't here yet so I had to have the massage instead - and very fantastic it was too.

Then we went to Wisley Gardens for lunch and a walk round.

Then they all went back up north, and I had a sit down.

So, how's the no-smoking thing going then?

Well the reason I'm up and writing this at 5.52am is the cravings!!! I'm dying for a fag (pardon the pun). Yesterday I made the grave error of telling my dear friend Nicola that I was going to stop smoking. Nicola is very health conscious and we've been friends for about a year - during which time she has bravely put up with me smoking in her presence (urgh). She always walks up and down the stairs to the 3rd floor whereas EVERYBODY else gets the lift. She made me give her my cigarette tin and all the lighters I could find for safekeeping (I think she'll probably burn them, or sell them on e-bay). Well, no, that's not strictly true, she didn't make me. I gave them to her voluntarily knowing full well that once I had done so there would be no way on earth I could ever get them back - short of maybe an imminent nuclear explosion, in which case I think Nicola may capitulate and decide I could have a fag in my last two minutes, before being blasted to hell.

That was at 11am yesterday and I haven't had a fag since. I went to Holland & Barrett and got some 'Craving Essence', Magnesium and Calcium, Antioxidant, NAC, and Vit B complex, all of which should help my recovery (the lady in the shop called it 'recovery' - made me feel a bit like Pete Docherty - but better looking).

I also ordered a ladies running watch which should arrive today as I've paid the extra for next day delivery....I can afford to do that now I've stopped smoking!!!.

I have some tobacco products in the house and I think I should throw them away. I've always got some in because there's nothing worse than not having anything to smoke. But I'm not strong enough to resist the temptation and if I'm stopping, I'm stopping...right? So I'm not ever going to need tobacco products again, am I?

Oh yes - I also bought some twinings Green Tea with Cranberries (I'll be bloody driving a 1965 camper van next and not brushing my hair!) which tastes like crap, and we're doing a full nicotene, caffeine detox together. I've got a headache...but I wasn't as tired last night as I usually am.

I went to sleep listening to hypnotherapy CD no 2 which is about non-smoking.

If I manage this I will of course become one of those dreadful ex-smokers who turns their nose up at the mere sight of someone having a fag. And there will be no smoking in my home under any circumstances whatsoever!!!!

Paula Radcliffe better watch out!!!

The Marathon training (don't laugh) is going well!!! I've found a website specifically designed for folks who have not run in over 20 plus years to begin gradually!!! This week (week one) we are doing 20mins jogging every other day - if you stop and walk you have to make the time up. I was jogging by 6.10am on Tuesday and again this morning. Apparently the slower you build it up the better (that suits me then!). You have to build muscle and bone strength very gradually - all this is a bit of a relief as I figured I would have to start with some henious distance like 5 miles or something daft!!! - and that would never have happened.

I have sneaked a look at what I should be doing in about 6 weeks time and it all looks a bit scarey!!! But - we'll see!!!

It does make me feel a bit sanctimonious that I am up and running at 6.15am when most other folk are still zzzzzzzing!!!

Inspired by others to do mad mad things

Regular readers will know that I spent Sunday up in "town" supporting my dearest cousin Stephen in the London Marathon on his 60th birthday. It was very hot and everyone did really well. Three people from our office also ran and finished with very good times. The atmosphere was brilliant and we really enjoyed the day. Soon it is to become illegal to smoke in public places here in the UK. That is just the incentive I need to try and quit. (I do not want to be a social pariah standing on street corners and around the back of buildings having a fag!) ....so this makes sense.......why not replace smoking with running? (no comments from anyone who has ever seen my legs, Christian!).

Last year I bought the running shoes and some natty little lycra shorts and a rather racey little running vest, and we have a huge treadmill here in the garage, so this morning I was up at 6am and running by 6.15. I managed 2.2K in 30 minutes without stopping once. I know that's pretty crap - but for me it's absolutely amazing!!!

I have been reading a few running websites and have a programme to follow - so that's that then. In a few weeks I should have stopped with the evil weed and be comfortably doing 5K without stopping.

I may even sign up for next year's London Marathon - now wouldn't that be something!!!! If I do, and I manage to get a place - I expect ALL of my loyal blog readers to make the trip to St James Park to cheer me over the finish line - it's the least you can do!!!!