Oooh...it's that time of year again. The time when we spinsters hang our heads in shame. Tomorrow is the feast of St Valentine - the day for lovers everywhere. Lovers? Everywhere? There's none round here :)
I should get a card - from a twitter pal - who was also bemoaning the lack of love in his life - so quick as a flash (total opportunist) I messaged him to say I'd send him one if he'd return the favour.....I WILL HAVE A RED ENVELOPE to wave around tomorrow. I posted his card on Saturday and hopefully he did the same thing.
So - that begs the question...Do I really want a significant other? Well - to be honest - there are some things that I miss. I miss witty conversations, shared jokes, deep and meaningful chats about all manner of things. I miss physical contact. Obviously I miss dancing the horizontal mumba...but I miss hugs, touches, cuddles, holding hands...just being in physical proximity to somebody. I miss the feeling of 'being in this together'...I miss having someone to cheer for...I miss knowing that somebody is thinking about me from time to time throughout their day. I miss phone calls and texts and somebody doing something just because they think I will like it.
And the things I don't miss? Well...it's a long list and far too long to embark on here :)
Happy St Valentine's day everyone :)
Monday, 13 February 2012
Sunday, 29 January 2012
Young couple
Yesterday I was teaching. At the Pool. Doing what we call a 'Discover Scuba Diving' experience. It is exactly what it says on the tin. Not too difficult...not too hazardous..and can be lots of fun. I really like it when the student 'gets it' and loves it and wants to go on and do more.
Yesterday I had a lovely young couple who are engaged to be wed - and wanted to see if Scuba diving was something they could do on honeymoon. (Probably when they're bored of shagging).
The guy was great - got it straight away - and had a huge grin on his face. My work here is done. His fiancee was a whole other matter. She didn't want to be there...had a face like a smacked arse....wouldn't carry her kit (which is heavy) and made hapless boyfriend carry it for her...and did nothing but moan and whinge for the entire two hours. Oh it did make me cross.
So here's a few words of advice for you dear. Try popping a smile on your face. Your husband to be won't be around for too long if you're always mardy. If you don't join in things with a willing heart and a joyous attitude - he'll be running off with somebody altogether more smiley!
I wonder how they'll get on?
(Editor's note - these words of advice were very well thought out by a woman who has managed to lose 3 husbands!!)
Yesterday I had a lovely young couple who are engaged to be wed - and wanted to see if Scuba diving was something they could do on honeymoon. (Probably when they're bored of shagging).
The guy was great - got it straight away - and had a huge grin on his face. My work here is done. His fiancee was a whole other matter. She didn't want to be there...had a face like a smacked arse....wouldn't carry her kit (which is heavy) and made hapless boyfriend carry it for her...and did nothing but moan and whinge for the entire two hours. Oh it did make me cross.
So here's a few words of advice for you dear. Try popping a smile on your face. Your husband to be won't be around for too long if you're always mardy. If you don't join in things with a willing heart and a joyous attitude - he'll be running off with somebody altogether more smiley!
I wonder how they'll get on?
(Editor's note - these words of advice were very well thought out by a woman who has managed to lose 3 husbands!!)
Tuesday, 24 January 2012
January Pale Blues
I thought I'd better sit right down and write myself a letter...and make believe it came from you...tum te tum....No, actually I didn't. I was shamed. My dear friend and partner in madness - The wondrous Claire - who writes a blog - and is one of my all-time favourite peeps...has awarded my blog the Leibster Blog award. Regular readers may remember that another dear pal - Ali - awarded it to me last year. It's an award for a blog that is loved (apparently). Anyway - I am very honoured to have been awarded such a thing. It makes it all worthwhile.
I must admit to having been a bit un-communicative of late. I haven't written...I haven't phoned (funnily enough - our Dan has been vexed texting me to say exactly the same thing)..and even my usually sharp and witty tweets have become softened round the edges - and well..I'll say it..a tad DULL.
That's the thing about January though isn't it? It's shit really. Christmas has been and gone - and left behind in its wake a mountain of debt that makes the Eiger look like a pimple on a teenager's bum. The nights are long..the days are cold and most of us are afflicted with a melancholy that knows no bounds. Another year has gone by - and we're still stuck in a shit-hole of a life - another 12 months - another 52 weeks wasted - as we didn't get a single step nearer to our dreams.
I did get nearer to my dreams - I am now doing what I love - but perhaps when sending my dream into the ether I wasn't specific enough. Yes I wanted to teach scuba diving...which I'm doing...but what I actually wanted (but forgot to mention) was that I'd like to do that somewhere tropical - The Maldives? The Seychelles? ...somewhere...but not in a flooded gravel pit in friggin' Peterborough!
I also wished for more male attention - but yet again - lacked specifics. Sadly this has manifested itself in a cute friendship with a young man who has learning difficulties - who has now declared his undying love for me via Facebook - after I spent most of last weekend showing the utmost patience and understanding whilst teaching him to dive in a drysuit. He has now decided - in a very lovely but oh so simple way - that he loves me. The trouble is - he's 19 - and works on a lathe at Remploy. He's truly sweet - but he's not going to be my next MR.
My dear Dan is going off on an adventure soon - trekking across the Sahara..to raise funds for much needed water supplies. Brave Girl she is. I am very proud. To be her Mum. But in my January Blue Phase...I am thinking that I don't deserve such a shiny star as her in my life. I have never done anything to warrant such a mega chic.
Oh yes - I'm learning French too. Oh la la. Why? I have no clue..perhaps because I'm bored in the long evenings. Perhaps because my dream man - when he eventually appears - will be french - and I should be prepared. Who knows? Not me. Je ne sais quoi.
Anyway - only a few more days of January left now - and then we can look forward to Feb 14th. Which will be as much as a non-event this year as it was last.
Meanwhile...I'll just sit here and wait for spring. And for Godot.
I must admit to having been a bit un-communicative of late. I haven't written...I haven't phoned (funnily enough - our Dan has been vexed texting me to say exactly the same thing)..and even my usually sharp and witty tweets have become softened round the edges - and well..I'll say it..a tad DULL.
That's the thing about January though isn't it? It's shit really. Christmas has been and gone - and left behind in its wake a mountain of debt that makes the Eiger look like a pimple on a teenager's bum. The nights are long..the days are cold and most of us are afflicted with a melancholy that knows no bounds. Another year has gone by - and we're still stuck in a shit-hole of a life - another 12 months - another 52 weeks wasted - as we didn't get a single step nearer to our dreams.
I did get nearer to my dreams - I am now doing what I love - but perhaps when sending my dream into the ether I wasn't specific enough. Yes I wanted to teach scuba diving...which I'm doing...but what I actually wanted (but forgot to mention) was that I'd like to do that somewhere tropical - The Maldives? The Seychelles? ...somewhere...but not in a flooded gravel pit in friggin' Peterborough!
I also wished for more male attention - but yet again - lacked specifics. Sadly this has manifested itself in a cute friendship with a young man who has learning difficulties - who has now declared his undying love for me via Facebook - after I spent most of last weekend showing the utmost patience and understanding whilst teaching him to dive in a drysuit. He has now decided - in a very lovely but oh so simple way - that he loves me. The trouble is - he's 19 - and works on a lathe at Remploy. He's truly sweet - but he's not going to be my next MR.
My dear Dan is going off on an adventure soon - trekking across the Sahara..to raise funds for much needed water supplies. Brave Girl she is. I am very proud. To be her Mum. But in my January Blue Phase...I am thinking that I don't deserve such a shiny star as her in my life. I have never done anything to warrant such a mega chic.
Oh yes - I'm learning French too. Oh la la. Why? I have no clue..perhaps because I'm bored in the long evenings. Perhaps because my dream man - when he eventually appears - will be french - and I should be prepared. Who knows? Not me. Je ne sais quoi.
Anyway - only a few more days of January left now - and then we can look forward to Feb 14th. Which will be as much as a non-event this year as it was last.
Meanwhile...I'll just sit here and wait for spring. And for Godot.
Monday, 2 January 2012
A bit sad
This morning I am a bit sad. Not a big bit - just a little bit. Why? The New Year will do that for you I figure. Saying goodbye to the last 12 months...which has been great - and wondering which way life will take me in the next 12 months.
Sad that I don't see my lovely lovely friends and family anywhere near often enough. And sad because I said adieu to our Dan yesterday. I have had a lovely break - but this being the 2nd Christmas that I have been single probably didn't help. Not that I don't want to be single anymore - I actually quite like some aspects of being a Spinster (great word)...but do get a bit lonely from time to time. It would be nice to have somebody to share things with.
Yesterday afternoon we went for coffee - en famille. The subject of my hapless love life came up - much to the amusement of everybody - me included. My Auntie said something witty - and it hurt. I can't even remember what she said. I had to leave. The Table. And go to the ladies powder room and have a little cry. I didn't cry for long - only a couple of drops. Then I returned to the table all bright-eyed and bushy tailed. I didn't want to her think that she had upset me - or she would have been mortified...and anyway, I couldn't have explained what it was that I was upset about.
But her comments stung. Really.
I am crap at the love-life thingy. Really I am. I may just get a cat.
Sad that I don't see my lovely lovely friends and family anywhere near often enough. And sad because I said adieu to our Dan yesterday. I have had a lovely break - but this being the 2nd Christmas that I have been single probably didn't help. Not that I don't want to be single anymore - I actually quite like some aspects of being a Spinster (great word)...but do get a bit lonely from time to time. It would be nice to have somebody to share things with.
Yesterday afternoon we went for coffee - en famille. The subject of my hapless love life came up - much to the amusement of everybody - me included. My Auntie said something witty - and it hurt. I can't even remember what she said. I had to leave. The Table. And go to the ladies powder room and have a little cry. I didn't cry for long - only a couple of drops. Then I returned to the table all bright-eyed and bushy tailed. I didn't want to her think that she had upset me - or she would have been mortified...and anyway, I couldn't have explained what it was that I was upset about.
But her comments stung. Really.
I am crap at the love-life thingy. Really I am. I may just get a cat.
Sunday, 1 January 2012
Happy New Year
It's here then. 2012. Full of promise and exciting possibilities. I will probably be spending most it on remand for murder if Dear Mother doesn't stop making a bloody racket in the kitchen. It's 7am and she's clearing out the Christmas Fridge. I am very glad that I'm going back to Whit tomorrow. Ten days is about as much as anybody can take...(I know - I did three months last year - but desperate times require desperate bunking up at Mother's)...Never...Ever...Again.
I've had a brillzoid Christmas with dear Family and dear Friends. Have spent quality time with luscious daughter....the divine Mrs Smith....the wondrous Mrs Morris - including a very stressful half hour when I failed to rouse Mother from slumber and we almost called the fire brigade...almost...but not quite....and that following a few drinkies and a curry.
I spent a cracking evening with the Briddons - where the amazing Victoria cooked lovely food - and the children were delightful and the company was very much funnikins and the laughter was lots and lots :)
I also had a lovely lunch with the Billster. Gentleman of great wit and charisma..who I love dearly. Sadly he was having probs of the romantic nature...so I advised and comforted (I think) and encouraged and reminded him just how wonderful he is. He'll sort it - he's a clever chap.
I made a quick visit to my favourite clothes shop yesterday and bought one or two items of splendour. It's cheap - but stylish...a bit like me really!
Tomorrow I'm going back to Whit - but have a dinner appointment with a Gentleman Caller. It's not somebody I've met - he's a twitter friend. But - he makes me laugh and seems to be quite bright and shiny. So..we'll see what (if anthing) develops. Mind you...seeing as he's just got back from a week away with another Lady - I don't think Romance will be on his mind. Which is a shame - perhaps 2012 will be another man-free year for me.
So - quick backwards glance at 2011...
Spent most of the year with cracking people (I am blessed)...end of April saw me running away to Malta for the Summer to work with the fabulous Martin Stanhope and Julian Doyle - learning diving skills and teaching skills and getting a tan - and catching the eye of a 35 year old (ooh - get her!)....and generally having a wonderful time - it was a blast - and I will never EVER forget last Summer. August saw me returning back to the UK to do an intensive course and pass some difficult exams to qualify as a Scuba Diving Instructor. What a day that was! Proud? I'll say.
The Autumn months saw me staying in Peterborough and learning more about my chosen trade - under the watchful eye of the wonderful Lynn Smith - my mentor - and a true Dame!
Last year brought no romance..no gentlemanly dalliances...no snogging whatsoever...but much, much fun and laughter...much learning...and much happiness.
Here's to 2012 x
I've had a brillzoid Christmas with dear Family and dear Friends. Have spent quality time with luscious daughter....the divine Mrs Smith....the wondrous Mrs Morris - including a very stressful half hour when I failed to rouse Mother from slumber and we almost called the fire brigade...almost...but not quite....and that following a few drinkies and a curry.
I spent a cracking evening with the Briddons - where the amazing Victoria cooked lovely food - and the children were delightful and the company was very much funnikins and the laughter was lots and lots :)
I also had a lovely lunch with the Billster. Gentleman of great wit and charisma..who I love dearly. Sadly he was having probs of the romantic nature...so I advised and comforted (I think) and encouraged and reminded him just how wonderful he is. He'll sort it - he's a clever chap.
I made a quick visit to my favourite clothes shop yesterday and bought one or two items of splendour. It's cheap - but stylish...a bit like me really!
Tomorrow I'm going back to Whit - but have a dinner appointment with a Gentleman Caller. It's not somebody I've met - he's a twitter friend. But - he makes me laugh and seems to be quite bright and shiny. So..we'll see what (if anthing) develops. Mind you...seeing as he's just got back from a week away with another Lady - I don't think Romance will be on his mind. Which is a shame - perhaps 2012 will be another man-free year for me.
So - quick backwards glance at 2011...
Spent most of the year with cracking people (I am blessed)...end of April saw me running away to Malta for the Summer to work with the fabulous Martin Stanhope and Julian Doyle - learning diving skills and teaching skills and getting a tan - and catching the eye of a 35 year old (ooh - get her!)....and generally having a wonderful time - it was a blast - and I will never EVER forget last Summer. August saw me returning back to the UK to do an intensive course and pass some difficult exams to qualify as a Scuba Diving Instructor. What a day that was! Proud? I'll say.
The Autumn months saw me staying in Peterborough and learning more about my chosen trade - under the watchful eye of the wonderful Lynn Smith - my mentor - and a true Dame!
Last year brought no romance..no gentlemanly dalliances...no snogging whatsoever...but much, much fun and laughter...much learning...and much happiness.
Here's to 2012 x
Tuesday, 27 December 2011
So...on a scale of one to ten...
...how bad was it for you? Mine wasn't that bad - as it happens.
Bro came to fetch me from Whittlesea (not by the sea) and if you manage to ignore the hair-raising driving in his little mid-life crisis two seater sports car back up the A1 (during which I alternated between whimpering about the speed and whimpering because I was convinced I was going to pee my pants any second)(Note to self : Purchase Tenna products without delay) it was a very pleasant journey. I Particularly liked the swearing and flashing lights at other drivers who DARED to pull out in front of us. No..honestly...I did.
We got back in time for 'almost-deaf' mother to put a veritable feast of Hot roast chicken and home-made chips (with lashings of soft white bread and butter) in front of me - in the guise of a feast. Actually it was a feast. A very welcome one. Mother may not be able to hear very well or think that clearly - but she cooks a mean chip.
Xmas Eve morning saw the return of the lovely prodigal daughter. It was lovely to see her again...she's so sweet and kind - and we spent most of the afternoon laid on the sofs...snuggling. And laughing. And snuggling...and laughing. Oh yes - and demolishing a huge tin of Quality Street!
Eve evening was spent at Great Aunt's house. My Mum's cousin To be exact. Her brother was there too. He used to be on the telly. He was a comedian. And a singer. This is the second year that we have spent Christmas with him. He loves to entertain. The problem is...he's not very entertaining...but nobody has thought to point this out. Tempted though I was...I managed to refrain. It wasn't too bad if you were wearing ear plugs.
The big day dawned and I got a few gifties. The very best one was from Prodigal daughter - she sponsored the education of a child in Africa for an entire year on my behalf. I cried when I opened the envelope.
Got marched off to the pub by dearest brothers. Just the 3 of us. First time ever. Gin and tonic. Pissed little sister (me).
Lunch was...well Christmas Lunch. Lots of food and sore belly. Can't really say much more than that. Oh yes - what the say about sprouts is true. Excuse me.
Entertaining Uncle kept trying to hold the stage. Aha...because we were prepared and fore-armed...he never really got the chance to get totally into his stride. It was amusing watching him try though. This culminated in him insisting that I Google his name on my I-phone. You couldn't make this stuff up.
The day of the Box was spent a) entertaining the entertaining Uncle who just happened to be passing by (WTF) and decided to drop in for a quick coffee...lasting one and half hours (he fibbed because you can't just 'pass' my Mother's. It's on a cul-de-sac.)
And then I went to Fi's for Boxing Day afternoon party. Turkey and Pork Sandwiches. Pickled Onions...oh yes...an ex-boyfriend from some ten years or more ago - who still thinks that the best thing for me would be to be with him. But only after I've apologised for all I did wrong when we were together...and then promised to change in ways too numerous to mention. Sadly I decided to pass on this....although a more attractive proposition would be hard to find...(wry smile).
Today I have been out with Mother. In the car. I don't think she knows about 4th and 5th gear as we seem to go everywhere in 3rd. Even dual carriageways at speeds of more than 45mph. Yes...really.
This afternoon I have been doing my roots. Looking this good takes work.
Tomorrow I am having lunch with the very divine Mr Bill Rusling. Wonderful friend of great gaiety. I am very much looking forward to that. Later in the week I am having lunch with the wondrous Ms Scott and Ms Ridall. There will be wine. And laughter. And snorting. And then I shall be having fun and frolicks with the awesome Mrs Morris. I can't wait to see her. I loves her...I does.
There will be more frolicks with Mrs Smith...and then I am having tea with the delightful Briddon family on Friday.
So - all in all - I reckon all of that little lot comes out with a tally of about 11. So - that's how good it was. 11 out of 10.
Bro came to fetch me from Whittlesea (not by the sea) and if you manage to ignore the hair-raising driving in his little mid-life crisis two seater sports car back up the A1 (during which I alternated between whimpering about the speed and whimpering because I was convinced I was going to pee my pants any second)(Note to self : Purchase Tenna products without delay) it was a very pleasant journey. I Particularly liked the swearing and flashing lights at other drivers who DARED to pull out in front of us. No..honestly...I did.
We got back in time for 'almost-deaf' mother to put a veritable feast of Hot roast chicken and home-made chips (with lashings of soft white bread and butter) in front of me - in the guise of a feast. Actually it was a feast. A very welcome one. Mother may not be able to hear very well or think that clearly - but she cooks a mean chip.
Xmas Eve morning saw the return of the lovely prodigal daughter. It was lovely to see her again...she's so sweet and kind - and we spent most of the afternoon laid on the sofs...snuggling. And laughing. And snuggling...and laughing. Oh yes - and demolishing a huge tin of Quality Street!
Eve evening was spent at Great Aunt's house. My Mum's cousin To be exact. Her brother was there too. He used to be on the telly. He was a comedian. And a singer. This is the second year that we have spent Christmas with him. He loves to entertain. The problem is...he's not very entertaining...but nobody has thought to point this out. Tempted though I was...I managed to refrain. It wasn't too bad if you were wearing ear plugs.
The big day dawned and I got a few gifties. The very best one was from Prodigal daughter - she sponsored the education of a child in Africa for an entire year on my behalf. I cried when I opened the envelope.
Got marched off to the pub by dearest brothers. Just the 3 of us. First time ever. Gin and tonic. Pissed little sister (me).
Lunch was...well Christmas Lunch. Lots of food and sore belly. Can't really say much more than that. Oh yes - what the say about sprouts is true. Excuse me.
Entertaining Uncle kept trying to hold the stage. Aha...because we were prepared and fore-armed...he never really got the chance to get totally into his stride. It was amusing watching him try though. This culminated in him insisting that I Google his name on my I-phone. You couldn't make this stuff up.
The day of the Box was spent a) entertaining the entertaining Uncle who just happened to be passing by (WTF) and decided to drop in for a quick coffee...lasting one and half hours (he fibbed because you can't just 'pass' my Mother's. It's on a cul-de-sac.)
And then I went to Fi's for Boxing Day afternoon party. Turkey and Pork Sandwiches. Pickled Onions...oh yes...an ex-boyfriend from some ten years or more ago - who still thinks that the best thing for me would be to be with him. But only after I've apologised for all I did wrong when we were together...and then promised to change in ways too numerous to mention. Sadly I decided to pass on this....although a more attractive proposition would be hard to find...(wry smile).
Today I have been out with Mother. In the car. I don't think she knows about 4th and 5th gear as we seem to go everywhere in 3rd. Even dual carriageways at speeds of more than 45mph. Yes...really.
This afternoon I have been doing my roots. Looking this good takes work.
Tomorrow I am having lunch with the very divine Mr Bill Rusling. Wonderful friend of great gaiety. I am very much looking forward to that. Later in the week I am having lunch with the wondrous Ms Scott and Ms Ridall. There will be wine. And laughter. And snorting. And then I shall be having fun and frolicks with the awesome Mrs Morris. I can't wait to see her. I loves her...I does.
There will be more frolicks with Mrs Smith...and then I am having tea with the delightful Briddon family on Friday.
So - all in all - I reckon all of that little lot comes out with a tally of about 11. So - that's how good it was. 11 out of 10.
Sunday, 18 December 2011
Merry Fuckwit
Well..it's on its way. Just 7 more sleeps. Bloody Christmas again. I don't like it. I don't like it all. I have just been to the shop and purchased a small box of Quality Street to try and get me in the mood. Result? I feel sick and still don't like Christmas.
Because I have no splash cash...I have bought no presents. I told my family this a month ago. I asked them not to buy me anything - and the money that they would have spent....give it to a charity. Did they listen? Nah. So now on Xmas day I will have to be the receiver of gifts with nothing with which to reciprocate. Cue - embarrassment - cue shame - cue self-loathing. My dear brother just rang and asked me what I would like if I were to get something. I said I didn't want anything - and he said 'I know...but if you did'......doh.
In other news....the lake is freezing. Not literally...it's still a relatively balmy 5 degrees in there - but if you factor in how much quicker water conducts heat than air (about 20 x) you can see why I get so flipping frozen. Luckily training dives only have to be 20 minutes duration...and I'm telling you...if we get to 20.01...we've failed!!!! The divemasters and shop staff are primed to be waiting on the jetty with lashings of hot chocolate. I'm having brandy in mine this week.
Tomorrow and Tuesday I am teaching a dry suit course...in order to gain my dry suit teaching qualification. So today I am studying 'performance requirements' a la PADI.
It's a bit dull, and a bit dry, and a huge tome...but we've made notes....and we'll be okay.
My other bro is all lined up to come and fetch me next Friday and return me to the bosom of my family for Xmas. It will be lovely. Oh yes it will. Please remember that apart from our Dan I will be the youngest person round the table. That's going to be a laugh a minute - isn't it? Combined age for 7 people?...a massive 394 years.
Merry Christmas everybody x
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