My Father

I haven't spoken to my Father for over a year. The last time I saw him was at my Grandmother's funeral and I think he spoke about three words to me. He didn't send me a Christmas card or gift - and he never ever phones me.

My friend Fiona's Dad arrived from France yesterday and she was really looking forward to seeing him. For a girl there is nobody more influential in her life than her father - especially when she is little  (and secretly when she's bigger too).

When I was growing up my Dad was my world, and I wish he could be part of my world now - but he chooses not to be.

I have no idea why. He's old, and getting older by the day, and he's not going to be around for ever. Lots of people don't have a father, or mother...but I have both. It's just that one my parents has chosen to not have me in his life. I think that's a bit sad. ....and it hurts (a lot).

At long last...

...we finally have a new Prime Minister. I've been saying (because I'm a smart arse) for five days that he had to chose the tories. Well, he did...didn't he? Most votes, most seats, bit of a no brainer, and had he gone the other way the middle classes would have been revolting  (I don't mean revolting as in 'shops at Lidl, and has children to three different fathers...called names like Shannon and Kylie and Chelsea'...I mean revolting as in wagging their middle aged tongues and tutting, and vowing never to wear blue again).

Anyway - I'm just glad it's all sorted out - now we just have to take a deep breath and let the Conservative v Lib Dem squabbling begin.

I'm a bit glad that there's no more Gordon though - his funny face and strange chubby lips used to put me about a bit. Wonder what he'll do now? I hear they need night shift shelf stackers at Tesco on Abbeydale Road.

A political joke.......(No, not Gordon)

A bit of light relief from the political circus
So whether you voted Conservative, Liberal or Labour , I think you'll get a kick out of this!

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, 'What is Politics?' 
Dad says, 'Well son, let me try to explain it this way:
I am the head of the family, so call me The Prime Minister.
Your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government.
We are here to take care of your needs, so we will call you the People.
The nanny, we will consider her the Working Class.
And your baby brother, we will call him the Future.

Now think about that and see if it makes sense.' 

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. 
Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him.
He finds that the baby has severely soiled his nappy. So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother asleep.  Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny.

He gives up and goes back to bed. 

The next morning, the little boy say's to his father, 'Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now. ' The father says, 'Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.' 

The little boy replies, 'The Prime Minister is screwing the Working Class while the 
Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit.'

Dear Cousin Stephen

Dear Cousin Stephen,

Thank you for the letter which arrived via Postman Pat and Jess the cat this very morning. We (Mum and I) were delighted to hear from you :)

I'm not so sure about the photograph - as I look a wee bit deranged - however - after the time I've had recently - that's not surprising.

I'm sorry to hear about the black flies - how much longer until they die away and are replaced by twelve feet of snow? Canada sure sounds like fun. :)

I understand you don't have my correct e mail address? Well - I don't have yours either as my main pc is still in storage - and there are no email addresses stored on my little lap top....so here's a plan... (I'm not going to put it on here or George Clooney will start pestering me again...Jeez...that guy just won't give up).

Go to your facebook account - and check your private messages. I will send you a message on there including my e mail address...simples x

Much love to both of you (as always)......

Cousin Tracy x

Chew your arm off?

We (us girls that is - actually some of my male friends are guilty of this too) have all slept with someone that we wish we hadn't slept with. Personally - I haven't done it that often (so many things crossed as I type this!) And we have all wanted to chew our arm off when we have woken up with a hound in the morning light....beer googles anyone?

Anyway my lovely daughter sent me a link today to this blog today. I read it and laughed......

Bye Bye Jackie Smith

Bye Bye Jackie Smith...and I should think so too. Claiming for porn movies indeed! Whatever next! (She had a face like a smacked arse when the results were declared - but what did she seriously expect?) Anyway - that's just one righteous result in last night's election. As I type this the most powerful man in the country - Nick Clegg - is probably locked in a cupboard playing 'Eeeny Meeny Miny Mo' as he makes his mind up - I hope he enjoys the temporary power that has been vested in him this morning! I hope he doesn't backtrack on what he said earlier in the week...we'll see.

I'm not really a political animal - and will readily admit to being totally ignorant in the matters that matter. But I haven't half enjoyed the TV coverage over the last 24 hours. This morning David Dimbleby has been a star - I think I'm in love with him! Mind you Jeremy Vine is starting to get on my tits a bit now.

I also now know where Nick Clegg lives because you simply can't miss the huge TV waggons outside his house - complete with 12 foot satellite dishes stuck on them. He lives near here.  (Another tenuous link to fame).

Can't wait to see what happens next.......

Polling Day

Well - it's the day the country has waited for....Election Day! the suspense is killing me...I've got up early ..not really to watch the election but because last night I had indian food and my lovely helpful digestive system woke me up with a bit of "Oh you need to be nearer to the Andrex bubbling and a gurgling"....you know how it is!

Now I'm up - the telly's on and we're off in this exciting two horse race (albeit with a favoured outsider). For the first time ever I'm quite interested in the outcome... if only to see if the country will re-elect dear Mr Brown (him of the repeated faux-pas and zero personality) or will they turn to 'Mr Slimy...my wife dresses from M&S...man of the people'. Some of my pals are staunch lefties - and others are died-in-the-wool tories. So, wisely I feel , I haven't said much - and to be honest don't really have much of opinion either way. I would like John Smith not to have died, or maybe the government should be made up of long standing members of the WI - they would get everything done, nobody would argue, and there'd be tea and cake by 4.30 every day. Wouldn't that be great?

Another favourable option would be if the country could be run by S&M enthusiasts (as opposed to M&S). Imagine that - the House of commons all dressed up in leather and gags, carrying whips and chains...and threatening each other with 'cat-o-nine-tails' in the debating chamber.....it would be a lot more fun! Mr Speaker could be hung up by his thumbs and the back benchers could file past and paddle his backside....how cool would that be?

Anyway - enough prattling on - I've got a day's election to watch! May the best man win.