What is life without truth?

The truth is everything. The truth really really matters. It's a cornerstone of my life. People who can't tell the truth or handle the truth are cowards and I don't want anything to do with them. I like being truthful and I love to be honest about what I want and how I feel. That sometimes scares people - but you know what? That's their problem. I sometimes get told - usually by people who are trying to manipulate me or 'shape' me - that too much honestly is not always appropriate....but do you know what? I don't buy that. It's a crock. So there is a good time to lie then is there? I like honesty because that way you always know where you stand.. That's a good thing - and don't ever let anybody tell you that it's not.

Unfortunately some people can't or won't do the truth. It scares them because their lives are built upon sand. Most people can't even be honest with themselves. Well, this is what I say to them. 'Be gone from my life...there is no room for you here'

You want to play in the park with me? Well, you need to be wearing your 'truth trousers' before I'll let you join the game.

Truth comes in many forms. It's about doing what you say you're going to do, and doing it when you say you're going to do it. It's about not lying by omission. It's about looking inside yourself and finding out what's really important to you and then having the courage to go get it. It's about not playing games with other people's feelings. It's not about winning or scoring points or saving your own ass. It's about integrity and honour. It's about not guessing how somebody else feels or what they want - but actually asking them and listening to what they say.

You want to really know about truth? - go get a dog:)

Lessons learned, and then learned again!

Well, well, well!!! The truth is often stranger than fiction - or so they sometimes say. (who - by the way - is 'they'?) I have had the oddest week - in fact, the oddest end to a week that i think I've had for a long time - if not ever. I'm not going to tell you what has happened - because it's not really relevant, but it has re-taught me something that I already knew but perhaps had forgotten.

Sit down - philosophical ramblings coming your way right now.....

I've lived my life for what often seems like a very long time. I have quite a good understanding of people, how they think and how they operate. I've had lots of varied and wonderful experiences and many that aren't so wonderful and I like to think that I've learned from them. I'm not naive and I'm certainly not stupid (that doesn't mean that I don't sometimes do stupid things!) But sometimes I really surprise myself. I suppose deep down there's a part of me that's still a little girl and she sometimes peeps out from under the duvet and holds up the beacon of 'hope'. (Silly cow) Well she did that for a while and I got quite excited about the promise of something. Stupid high expectations bit me on the nose once again! I really should know better at my age, and be happy to settle for what I've got - which all in all is not a bad (albeit somewhat dull) lot. But no, when she popped out from under the duvet holding the beacon of hope I (like a tit) grabbed it with both hands and started to run with it. Like I said - at my age I really should have known better.

Anyway - one of the things that I absolutely know - like I know my own name - is that you can never rely on anybody else for your own little pieces of happiness and joy. They have to come from within....and if by some strange chance - you forget this wisdom and start to trust or believe in another to give you what you need (or even contribute in some way) very quickly you will realise that you're on a hiding to nowhere. And you know what?...this week I learned that all over again...like I needed reminding :(

I promise the spirits that take care of me that I will never make that same mistake again. STUPID STUPID WOMAN :(

What a day !

It started well enough with a 6.30am visit to Phoebe. I'm never normally the one who gives her her breakfast so that made a pleasant change. Then after I had mucked her out I had to hi-tail it into Kingston - taking care to stick to the speed limit of 30mph all the way..do you have any idea how difficult it is to stick to 30mph when the roads are empty? I have to attend a speed awareness course in three weeks time (instead of accepting 3 penalty points on my already murky driver's licence) so my speed awareness talents are being honed on a daily basis.

I arrived at work at 7.30am to set up for a big in-house event that was taking place today. Millie was with me so I had to tie her to an office chair - the chair had wheels so she was off dragging it round the office :) Very funny indeed. I didn't manage to get away from the office until after twelve thirty as I had another totally un-related issue to deal with.

Then I had to call at the horse supplies store in Hersham to buy shavings - due to the fact that I've been so busy this week I forgot to order any for delivery...doh! It was great just loading the heavy bales into the back of my big girl's truck...well actually it was great watching the man from the store loading them into the back of my big girl's truck - I'm a bit weedy to be doing that kind of stuff without assistance!!

Then I went home for a nap - lovely!! After I woke up I went to the yard and spent some quality time with my horse. When I've been at work with people, and talking to people, and e mailing people, and texting people all week, it's just really nice to spend some time without any people talking to me or at me, or over me, or about me, or trying to communicate with me in any way whatsover...and just 'being' with Phoebe. (I left my mobile and my crackberry in the car) She never says a word but she makes more sense than anybody else I know!

When I got home I went for a run with Millie - Millie's legs are about a tenth of the length of mine but she manages to keep up with me!!!

Then, when I got home, after a nice phone conversation with a good friend, I had the ultimate dinner. Bacon, sausage, tomatoes and fried eggs - with HP sauce of course!!! Perfect.

Now I'm off for a shower and then I'm going to bed.

What a lovely day!

Some philosophy for a regular reader

Someone who means a lot to me and who is a regular reader of my blog is having a difficult time at the moment. Some difficult things that are now beyond their control are occurring. I found this quote and thought if they read it - it may help to make things a little clearer and less painful.

"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by Dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other people's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most importantly, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. Trust your instincts and when something feels right it probably is. If something unexplained propels you toward a certain course of action - it is probably the right course of action for you. And, most importantly have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. Your heart already knows what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary"

Steve Job - Apple co-founder

Tracy drinks a pint of Indian Lager

Anyone who knows me will know that it's a very rare occasion when I take a drink. Last night I did. Only the one, and it was at the indian restaurant. I had a 'Cobra' beer. It comes in a pint bottle and I had to drink it all. I had the drink on behalf of someone who would have loved to have been there but couldn't be, and where they are (a long way away indeed) there is no alcohol.

I quite enjoyed it and may well have some more!!!

I am having a nice time

The week so far......has been different to say the least!! Dan has left Uni and gone to Bruce's yard for the summer with Rupert. She likes it at Bruce's as she gets to spend lots of time working hard (!) she gets to stay in a lovely little house with a pretty stream running by the front door. She lives with two lovely girls called Abby and Bex and together they have a lot of fun. Bruce teaches her to ride better, and then they all go competing together. She spent all summer at Bruce's last year and I know that she would rather be there than here at home being bored. I'm off to see her competing at Longleat next Friday and I'm really looking forward to that.

Work has been 'same old...same old' but things have settled down somewhat since the redundancies and we have more of a structure now - which is much more preferable than the way it was before. I have even managed to finish work before 4pm every day this week, which means more time with Millie and Phoebe. That in itself is enough to keep me happy :)

My cosmic ordering result is arriving in just over two weeks time - so I am really excited about that - I still can't tell you what it is - but suffice to say it will be the best thing that has happened to me in a very very long time :) And related to the cosmic ordering I have been having some very interesting and enjoyable dialogue with a certain somebody, who shall of course, remain nameless for the time being.

Tonight I am going out for a curry and a beer with Lisa, Emma and Gabby...now that will be nice.

All in all June is turning out to be a very nice month. I hope the entire summer continues in the same vein.

Lovely June

I have a feeling that June is going to be a lovely time for me. There are a few nice things to look forward to this month. I'm taking a few days off work (What, more time off? In your Dickensian sweat shop office?) as a special friend is coming to visit for a few days. Dan and Rupert have some competitions this month which I will get to go and watch - as wild horses wouldn't keep me away ...pardon the pun. Whatsmore I am very happy that the weather has taken a turn for the better and the summer appears to be peeping at us from around the very next corner. I was up very early yesterday and took some pictures of the garden. The colours are glorious at this time of year, and every time I go outside and look at them it makes me happy. We are very blessed in this country to have so much green!!