Sunday, 8 June 2008

Lessons learned, and then learned again!

Well, well, well!!! The truth is often stranger than fiction - or so they sometimes say. (who - by the way - is 'they'?) I have had the oddest week - in fact, the oddest end to a week that i think I've had for a long time - if not ever. I'm not going to tell you what has happened - because it's not really relevant, but it has re-taught me something that I already knew but perhaps had forgotten.

Sit down - philosophical ramblings coming your way right now.....

I've lived my life for what often seems like a very long time. I have quite a good understanding of people, how they think and how they operate. I've had lots of varied and wonderful experiences and many that aren't so wonderful and I like to think that I've learned from them. I'm not naive and I'm certainly not stupid (that doesn't mean that I don't sometimes do stupid things!) But sometimes I really surprise myself. I suppose deep down there's a part of me that's still a little girl and she sometimes peeps out from under the duvet and holds up the beacon of 'hope'. (Silly cow) Well she did that for a while and I got quite excited about the promise of something. Stupid high expectations bit me on the nose once again! I really should know better at my age, and be happy to settle for what I've got - which all in all is not a bad (albeit somewhat dull) lot. But no, when she popped out from under the duvet holding the beacon of hope I (like a tit) grabbed it with both hands and started to run with it. Like I said - at my age I really should have known better.

Anyway - one of the things that I absolutely know - like I know my own name - is that you can never rely on anybody else for your own little pieces of happiness and joy. They have to come from within....and if by some strange chance - you forget this wisdom and start to trust or believe in another to give you what you need (or even contribute in some way) very quickly you will realise that you're on a hiding to nowhere. And you know what?...this week I learned that all over again...like I needed reminding :(

I promise the spirits that take care of me that I will never make that same mistake again. STUPID STUPID WOMAN :(

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