Saturday, 28 March 2015
Thursday, 19 March 2015
Driving, Alzheimers and my Mum
Today has been a very demanding day. Very. Demanding. Indeed. My Mum has alzheimers. I haven't mentioned this before - because - well - I haven't mentioned much about anything for a while. Anyway - at the beginning of December she had an accident and broke her ankle - which meant being off her feet for a couple of months. She very kindly loaned me her car. In the ensuing time period her driving license was revoked by the DVLA - because she hadn't responded to their letter asking her to have a driving assessment. She got annoyed and threw the letter in the bin with the attitude of "who are they to tell me I can't drive?". The result being that her license is now withdrawn - and if she wants to drive again she has to take another test.
Last week her car failed its MOT. In a huge way. It requires about £450 work to get it roadworthy - and as the car is only worth about £200...it's just not worth it.
Alzheimers patients forget lots of things - but equally can get fixated on things. Mum is currently fixated on her car and being able to drive again. Her car represents her independence and it's quite understandable that she doesn't want to stop driving. However, the safety of other road users and pedestrians is also important - and her driving simply isn't safe anymore. The DVLA decision to revoke her license was a relief for all of us - as it meant that the decision to persuade her to stop driving had been taken out of our hands and we could join in with her when she verbally berated the DVLA for daring to do such a thing.
This morning she phoned me to demand that I bring the car back to her because I had 'stolen' it from her and she wanted it back. No amount of explanation would appease her, she didn't care that has neither license nor MOT nor insurance. She called me some very choice names. I was shocked at her outburst - my Mum has never had a hot temper...but this morning it was scorching.
She won't ever drive again...but getting her to understand this is akin to pushing water uphill. This disease is vile. Vile. Vile. I don't like to hear my Mum in such an angry distressed state. I don't like it that she simply doesn't have the ability to comprehend and remember information - especially when it's unpleasant...and that reminding her just repeats her distress over and over and over again. This morning she hated me.....I know that my Mum doesn't hate me - but I felt the full force of her temper and anger today...it's not actually her temper or her anger...it's the disease. But the disease is a twat - because today...it ruined her day and it ruined mine. The balance between keeping her safe and keeping her happy is very difficult to get right - if possible at all. I fail at it spectacularly...over and over again. The disease is progressive...so ...in other words...all of this will just get worse.
I have no idea how to lead my Mum and her damaged mind over the hill so that she understands and accepts that she won't drive again...I'm working on this...it's my current project.
Alzheimers is a fucker.
Last week her car failed its MOT. In a huge way. It requires about £450 work to get it roadworthy - and as the car is only worth about £200...it's just not worth it.
Alzheimers patients forget lots of things - but equally can get fixated on things. Mum is currently fixated on her car and being able to drive again. Her car represents her independence and it's quite understandable that she doesn't want to stop driving. However, the safety of other road users and pedestrians is also important - and her driving simply isn't safe anymore. The DVLA decision to revoke her license was a relief for all of us - as it meant that the decision to persuade her to stop driving had been taken out of our hands and we could join in with her when she verbally berated the DVLA for daring to do such a thing.
This morning she phoned me to demand that I bring the car back to her because I had 'stolen' it from her and she wanted it back. No amount of explanation would appease her, she didn't care that has neither license nor MOT nor insurance. She called me some very choice names. I was shocked at her outburst - my Mum has never had a hot temper...but this morning it was scorching.
She won't ever drive again...but getting her to understand this is akin to pushing water uphill. This disease is vile. Vile. Vile. I don't like to hear my Mum in such an angry distressed state. I don't like it that she simply doesn't have the ability to comprehend and remember information - especially when it's unpleasant...and that reminding her just repeats her distress over and over and over again. This morning she hated me.....I know that my Mum doesn't hate me - but I felt the full force of her temper and anger today...it's not actually her temper or her anger...it's the disease. But the disease is a twat - because today...it ruined her day and it ruined mine. The balance between keeping her safe and keeping her happy is very difficult to get right - if possible at all. I fail at it spectacularly...over and over again. The disease is progressive...so ...in other words...all of this will just get worse.
I have no idea how to lead my Mum and her damaged mind over the hill so that she understands and accepts that she won't drive again...I'm working on this...it's my current project.
Alzheimers is a fucker.
Tuesday, 24 February 2015
La Trix
Well...here I am. I've been out this evening - out for tea with a very special friend. My best friend in fact. She mentioned my blog and said that she still looks to see if I've written anything. My friend doesn't live here any more...she lives in another country...but she visits home regularly and when she does we see each other and - like all great friendships - it's like I only saw her a few days ago. I love her....my friend...an awful lot. We've been friends for over 20 years and she's the one who has been there for me time and time and time and time again. She has comforted me when I've been hurting and laughed with me when I've been happy. She cheers me on from the sidelines (always) and loves me unconditionally. And I love her that way too. She knows all my secrets and she 'gets' me every single time. She's got my back, and she takes care of me. She's part of my family and I'm part of hers.
There is nothing I could do that would shock her or cause her to turn away from me...and likewise...there's nothing she could do that would cause me to turn away from her. I have other friends, and I'm blessed because they are all very special to me.
But this one friend - she's the very best. She's funny, and smart, and kind, and beautiful inside and out. She gives everything in her heart to those that she loves, and she never stops giving. In all the years I've known her she has never said one unkind thing to me...and I know there must have been times when I've driven her nuts :)
If I was a drinking girl I would raise my glass to her - but I'm not - so here I am tipping my coffee cup to her instead. Thank you La Trix for being there for me and making my world a much nicer place. I love you - my dearest friend XXX
There is nothing I could do that would shock her or cause her to turn away from me...and likewise...there's nothing she could do that would cause me to turn away from her. I have other friends, and I'm blessed because they are all very special to me.
But this one friend - she's the very best. She's funny, and smart, and kind, and beautiful inside and out. She gives everything in her heart to those that she loves, and she never stops giving. In all the years I've known her she has never said one unkind thing to me...and I know there must have been times when I've driven her nuts :)
If I was a drinking girl I would raise my glass to her - but I'm not - so here I am tipping my coffee cup to her instead. Thank you La Trix for being there for me and making my world a much nicer place. I love you - my dearest friend XXX
Wednesday, 3 December 2014
Tune of the day - Wednesday 3rd December
Over on another social media website (shhhh) we've been highlighting our favourite music choices. I say 'we'...but it's actually a solo venture. I an attempt to begin blogging again after a gap of a few months (we say 'few'...but we mean many) (it's that 'we' again). I was also reminded recently about blogging a a dear friend asked for advice regarding starting a blog of her own.....that got me thinking.
So here's something to start with.....Blower's Daughter by Damien Rice.
This song was used in the soundtrack of the film Closer from 2004. As well as recommending the song.....I can also recommend the film.
So here's something to start with.....Blower's Daughter by Damien Rice.
This song was used in the soundtrack of the film Closer from 2004. As well as recommending the song.....I can also recommend the film.
Wednesday, 27 August 2014
Drinks with an old pal.
In case you were wondering...I'm still single. We're coming up to five years now and never a dalliance in sight. The trauma of the last relationship ending has just taken so very long to heal.....
Last week I went out to meet an old friend for a drink (brief history...we worked together some 26+ years ago...found again on FB (as you do) and arranged to meet for a bevvie or three).
It went well...so much alcohol was consumed...I wobbled home...and was later bombarded with text messages of the almost sexual nature!
The next day we arranged to meet for lunch. Both pretty fragile to be honest. We agreed to see each other again, and he was going to call me.
Since then....nothing. Not a sausage (ooo err Missus). Nada.
I AM going to get a cat :)
Last week I went out to meet an old friend for a drink (brief history...we worked together some 26+ years ago...found again on FB (as you do) and arranged to meet for a bevvie or three).
It went well...so much alcohol was consumed...I wobbled home...and was later bombarded with text messages of the almost sexual nature!
The next day we arranged to meet for lunch. Both pretty fragile to be honest. We agreed to see each other again, and he was going to call me.
Since then....nothing. Not a sausage (ooo err Missus). Nada.
I AM going to get a cat :)
Friday, 20 June 2014
*waves from the barricades*
I'm here. I know you probably think I've disappeared..but no. I'm still here. Which is a good thing...let's face it - if not, you would have heard about it on the International news. A loss so great would have been reported.
I'm in a little town in the North, living in an attic (I kid you not) and sharing facilities with a 70+ year old dutch woman - who is lovely, albeit a vegetarian yoga enthusiast. Takes all sorts.
My job? Well, after a long while of doing the diving stuff and working with people whose manners and standards leave a lot to be desired (think about moody belgians with very bad breath...and angry englishmen with a huge case of small man syndrome...and arrogant teenagers with sex addictions...and ...oh I could go on...but what's the point?)...I now have a lovely little job which involves working from home in the cloud. Suits you, Sir. Suits me too. My desk is five yards from my bed, and I can work in jogging bottoms. I have a coffee machine.....doesn't really get any better than that...does it?
Past-times? Hiking, just taken up running (more about that in a later post), family tree stuff and photography. Oh yes, and thanks to lovely daughter and her equally lovely boyfriend...a very strange and unexplained addiction to lego. Small people playing house...yes..that will do it every time.
Friends? all still here - apart from the wondrous and voluptuous Fifi La Trix who buggered off to Spain a while back - but she returns from time to time - although not nearly enough...mind you I can't say anything about that seeing as I went off on adventures and was missing in action for nearly four years.
There's lots to tell and I'll get started soon...but just wanted to let you know that I'm back.
XX
I'm in a little town in the North, living in an attic (I kid you not) and sharing facilities with a 70+ year old dutch woman - who is lovely, albeit a vegetarian yoga enthusiast. Takes all sorts.
My job? Well, after a long while of doing the diving stuff and working with people whose manners and standards leave a lot to be desired (think about moody belgians with very bad breath...and angry englishmen with a huge case of small man syndrome...and arrogant teenagers with sex addictions...and ...oh I could go on...but what's the point?)...I now have a lovely little job which involves working from home in the cloud. Suits you, Sir. Suits me too. My desk is five yards from my bed, and I can work in jogging bottoms. I have a coffee machine.....doesn't really get any better than that...does it?
Past-times? Hiking, just taken up running (more about that in a later post), family tree stuff and photography. Oh yes, and thanks to lovely daughter and her equally lovely boyfriend...a very strange and unexplained addiction to lego. Small people playing house...yes..that will do it every time.
Friends? all still here - apart from the wondrous and voluptuous Fifi La Trix who buggered off to Spain a while back - but she returns from time to time - although not nearly enough...mind you I can't say anything about that seeing as I went off on adventures and was missing in action for nearly four years.
There's lots to tell and I'll get started soon...but just wanted to let you know that I'm back.
XX
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