Fit as a 35 year old Butcher's Dog

Today I went to Nottingham to see Margaret. Margaret is an HSE Diving Medical Examiner. Which is a bit of a fancy title for a Doctor who does dive medicals. If you want to work here in the UK as a diving instructor (which I do) and get paid for it (which I certainly do) you need a full Health and Safety Executive Diving at Work Medical.

The medical is failry rigorous and takes about 90 minutes. It reminded me of medicals I used to have when I was in the Army. In Malta we pee'd on a stick, had our blood pressure taken and if you were walking and talking...you passed. Easy. Not so over here.

Here you have an ECG, Pee on a stick, blood tests, step tests, sight tests, hearing tests, full history, lung volume capacity tests, bone density tests, BMI tests...a full workout indeed!

My results came back straight away. I have a problem with my left ear - can only half hear at one frequency range (but out of 7 frequency ranges that's not too bad...and no reason for a fail)...but the rest of me in in ship shape condition.

My heart is in good condition...my blood pressure is low (which is good)...my exercise recovery rates were excellent (exercise? what the bloody hell is that?)

In fact ..dear Margaret told me that I had the same results that she would expect from a 35 year old. Just like that - she knocked some 13 years off me.

And - as for the smoking...my lung capacity and lung strength test results gave results that she would expect from a non-smoker of the age of 30. That is - someone who has NEVER smoked a fag...and is only 30 years old.

Excuse me while I just nip to the shop for twenty B&H.........and for those of you who moan about my smoking...well - you can just stick it your pipe and.....er........er.....SMOKE it :)